I offer free feedback. (Closed)

[doravg]

Please write in your submission 1/9 or whatever your number in the line is. If you do not, I will assign you a number, but it would be for the weekend after this one.
ONLY ONE BOOK PER PERSON!
Please no GL. The smut better have plot attached to it, if your story has smut. Otherwise, I can read anything. I will try dropping a review and hearts on each story and, if I find things I really don't like, I will PM the author, so they can consider my suggestions without people seeing them. I am bored and have 3 days off work (Weekend + St. George's day.). Therefore, I offer this thread as my way to give something to the wonderful SH community.
Done so far 24:

The Magic Lumberjack

Kane — who was once a mighty ax saint and master blacksmith — fell from his glory after completing his vengeance. He fled to a faraway kingdom but was killed by an invading demon in an unfortunate event. For an unknown reason, his journey somehow hasn’t ended. Kane found himself in...

www.scribblehub.com

Lewd Poems

Do bodily functions amuse you? Are you intrigued by reproductive organs? Does simply being a placental mammal tickle you? If you answered yes to any of the above questions, this book is for you! This is a collection of lewd poems from various authors. My husband either inspired me or...

www.scribblehub.com

LORD OF WHISPERS

To rise to the top or fall to oblivion. A world engulfed by war and chaos, where a single day decides who you will become, where it is impossible to escape fate. As the Lady of the Night shines brightly upon a few, their journeys intertwine. In an age of...

www.scribblehub.com

Dr Z’s Zombie Apocalypse

Doctor Abraham Henry Zolnikov has spent the last seven years isolated in his orbital laboratory, watching the Earth below descend into chaos. A biological virus combined with a nanite programming virus has created flesh eating, mindless abominations that hunt all other living things for food...

www.scribblehub.com

I-RANGRIS: Adventure in the world of Astiriya

When I-rangris find out a hidden portal inside her own cupboard which leads her into a different world, finds out how her life changes. What does she discover and where her destiny leads her? From Kingdoms to lands, slices of lives to the royal palace, Wars attend to seek peacefulness...

www.scribblehub.com

Spirit Exorcists

When Mark's troubled friend, Ruby, takes her own life, a grieving Mark heads to her suicide spot to pay his respects. In a strange twist of fate, he is attacked by a powerful spirit that reveals itself to be Ruby. Shen, an exorcist from the Spiritual Anomalies Investigation Bureau, an...

www.scribblehub.com

The Condemned Child

Ten years ago, the parents of Shinsato Katsuro were brutally killed by an army of demons known as Shifters. Now, at sixteen, Katsuro is determined to enter the Celestial Military Academy, begin training for the war effort and ultimately save humanity from this perpetual, brutal conflict between...

www.scribblehub.com

Everlasting Mage

Meet Matt~ Oh Magical Matt. He used to be a magician street performer. But after a one-stone-petrifying encounter with real magic, everything about his life changed. Now, he was an immobile statue that could not do shit about his life while time eroded itself. Magic was his only way to...

www.scribblehub.com

Free Lances

'All right, boys and girls, quit sucking your ma's teats. It's high time we bloody earn our paychecks!' Born in times of turmoil, orphaned at a young age, and raised amongst rowdy sellswords, young Reinhardt Edelstein joined the mercenary trade as well when he grew up. When misfortune finally...

www.scribblehub.com

The Problem Store

There was a guy who went by the name of Guy. He lives in a World, and has many stories to tell about it. Stories of relationships, indulgence, brotherhood, reconciliation, women, and skinship. Especially women and skinship. Guy has a lot of stories about women and skinship. You may or...

www.scribblehub.com

The Unsung Tale of the Trash Noble

In the game ‘Yelany: Your Legacy,’ Damian White was just an NPC who ‘mysteriously’ died after cheating on his yandere fiancée. And now I have transmigrated into his body. Help me… Please. (Heavily Inspired by High Class Mob) Discord: https://discord.gg/aEkp3pXqfR

www.scribblehub.com

My Succubus Roommate

It was a boring day with nothing really interesting happening. No, that's too real. The stars shined in the night sky, reflecting against the mans skin as he lazes back in his gaming chair. Now that sounds like I'm trying too hard. You know what, lets just start at the...

www.scribblehub.com

Breaking the Masquerade

Join our MC as he navigates through highschool as he comes to terms with his past and his inner demons . He is blunt , sarcastic ,charismatic , loves his gentleman talk , doesn't shy away from teasing the ladies and he bitch slaps people that have it coming. But under all the farce...

www.scribblehub.com

Escaping the Abyss

Chains and bottles of liquids are scattered across the dark room. If your hearing is sharp enough, you can hear screams echoing throughout the building. “Will I always be alone and remain caged in this hell?” ––– Dark clouds gather around the city, a mastermind in the shadows giving rise to...

www.scribblehub.com

The Lone Macaw

The moment the dying Aki opens his eyes, he is shocked. Not his hospice room but green meadows, blue sky and the villages of his favorite MMO await him. A fever dream? Or a new lease of life? To Aki it’s a chance to correct the story line he...

www.scribblehub.com

RE: All From His Seat

They say Krodoa is very much alive. 'That' planet of magic, home to countless races and supernatural phenomenon. This very world is set to undergo an enormous change as Michael, a human from Earth, is reincarnated into the body of a baby.

www.scribblehub.com

Fractal Plane: Awakener’s Pact

Mu, the world that exists parallel to our own. It is a world that harbors shadowy manifestations of people's feelings called Nullities. One day, Fragments, dimensions that connect Mu to the real world, begin manifesting in Shiroki City. With that comes disappearances of people who never...

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Liquor Loving Luciel

The Prince of Noc has died. With his last breaths, he kneeled before the of the goddess as he pleaded to her with all his heart- 'dear goddess, please bring back my most precious thing.' He didn't expect much, but as he miraculously opened his eyes again with new...

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Worldview

25 year old Aksel Liebert is thrown into a new world where Earth is dominated by a new system demanding each being take part in the 'scenarios'. Inspired by Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint.

www.scribblehub.com

The Adventures of a Supernatural Time Traveler

After waking up in the past, Lou Barret finds himself entangled with the supernatural. Eventually receiving the help of Scott Langston, a supernatural peacekeeper of sorts, and a witch named Elysif Avian. The three work together to keep the peace between the supernatural creatures of London and...

www.scribblehub.com

The Programmer’s Dungeon [Progression, LitRPG]

Vincent, a college student from Earth, has been transported to another world full of strange powers and fantastic monsters. Ideally, this would be the start of his journey to become a legendary hero, build an everlasting empire, and gather a personal harem. But no one said that this new world...

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The City of Dul’lk, The Brimstone Blader

The City of Dul'lk is a Dangerous city, filled with superhumans, gangs, violence, and corruption. To the elite this town is a haven, but to the Average Joe this town is dangerous, but it isn't for Jackson nicknamed The Brimstone Blader.

www.scribblehub.com

Gaming on a MUD is difficult

This is a story based on my characters background and journal that I played on a mud (Multi User Dungeon) over the course of several years. Dozens of people play a text based command line game at the same time. I figured I'd try to turn in into a story...

www.scribblehub.com

Echoes of Fire and Shadows

Julius, a twenty-year-old law student, suddenly finds himself trapped in a void where the color white reigns supreme... A place full of nothingness... In that realm of emptiness, Julius meets a mysterious man who informs him of his death and the reason why he has found himself in that empty...

www.scribblehub.com

Wondering through the stars

Reincarnating may not be as easy as it seems. But it also comes with its benefits: Skills, Knowledge, Prestige, and even Foresight! Alde Lenarmend finds himself in unthinkable situations while the Universe itself is changing. Will he be able to unravel the mysteries behind his numerous...

www.scribblehub.com

The Desert Reaper

Peter Atkins is an infamous mercenary known worldwide for his sheer brutality and work in the tumultuous Middle East. He has assassinated over a hundred terrorists over his twelve-year career. His most recent job for the US military culminates in his demise, but the universe wasn't done with...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Hathnuz]

The Magic Lumberjack

Kane — who was once a mighty ax saint and master blacksmith — fell from his glory after completing his vengeance. He fled to a faraway kingdom but was killed by an invading demon in an unfortunate event. For an unknown reason, his journey somehow hasn’t ended. Kane found himself in...

www.scribblehub.com

Thanks in advance.

 

[K5Rakitan]

I'd like another one-star review please
Link is in my signature!

 

[Fortunis]

Our novel is in the signature, we appreciate the offer and hope you enjoy it.

 

[doravg]

I'd like another one-star review please
Link is in my signature!

Spring time for Hitler, really? I hope my parents don't see me listening to such music. They would be so disappointed in me.

The Magic Lumberjack

Kane — who was once a mighty ax saint and master blacksmith — fell from his glory after completing his vengeance. He fled to a faraway kingdom but was killed by an invading demon in an unfortunate event. For an unknown reason, his journey somehow hasn’t ended. Kane found himself in...

www.scribblehub.com

Thanks in advance.

I reviewed and would continue to read. Nice story.

Our novel is in the signature, we appreciate the offer and hope you enjoy it.

Done.

 

[K5Rakitan]

Spring time for Hitler, really? I hope my parents don't see me listening to such music. They would be so disappointed in me.

It's part of a movie. You need to see the whole movie to get the joke
Also, if you'd like to check out my fanfic too, that would be great!

 

[doravg]

It's part of a movie. You need to see the whole movie to get the joke
Also, if you'd like to check out my fanfic too, that would be great!

Your fanfic is...too much for me. I am a bit of a prude, it seems. But I enjoyed the poems.

 

[DanLane]

I could always use more feedback on Dr. Z's Zombie Apocalypse. It's pulp sci-fi, action, bit of mystery, and zombies. Only five chapters on SH at the moment, but I'll probably be adding more in chunks until caught up with where I writing.

Edit: forgot to explain the vote. I tend to read books that cross genres. For example, isikei, fantasy, litRPG, gamelit, action, mystery, and intrigue. Main genre might end up being litRPG for some folks, others are drawn to the action, and so on. Sometimes I read more sci fi. Others, fantasy. Or psychology texts. Or alt history. Or light Novels.

Good stories, so long as they are at least *close* to what I'm in the mood for, they'll usually draw me in regardless. That's how I found litRPG- The Land: Founding was the first one I came across and it was just that good. If a situation should occur where there are specific books that come out that I want to read, which do I read first? That part is not decided by genre, but by the stories themselves.

Quality matters. I think JK Rowling brought more people to magic school YA fantasy that might now have read much (or any) in the genre before. Readers will put up with a lot of crap so long as the things they want out of the story keep coming.

 

[Thorkell_40k]

try this, i haven't posted any chapter this month but, will next month ^^

I-RANGRIS: Adventure in the world of Astiriya

When I-rangris find out a hidden portal inside her own cupboard which leads her into a different world, finds out how her life changes. What does she discover and where her destiny leads her? From Kingdoms to lands, slices of lives to the royal palace, Wars attend to seek peacefulness...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[doravg]

I could always use more feedback on Dr. Z's Zombie Apocalypse. It's pulp sci-fi, action, bit of mystery, and zombies. Only five chapters on SH at the moment, but I'll probably be adding more in chunks until caught up with where I writing.

Edit: forgot to explain the vote. I tend to read books that cross genres. For example, isikei, fantasy, litRPG, gamelit, action, mystery, and intrigue. Main genre might end up being litRPG for some folks, others are drawn to the action, and so on. Sometimes I read more sci fi. Others, fantasy. Or psychology texts. Or alt history. Or light Novels.

Good stories, so long as they are at least *close* to what I'm in the mood for, they'll usually draw me in regardless. That's how I found litRPG- The Land: Founding was the first one I came across and it was just that good. If a situation should occur where there are specific books that come out that I want to read, which do I read first? That part is not decided by genre, but by the stories themselves.

Quality matters. I think JK Rowling brought more people to magic school YA fantasy that might now have read much (or any) in the genre before. Readers will put up with a lot of crap so long as the things they want out of the story keep coming.

Done. You might want to add a cover. Just to attract more readers.

 

[DanLane]

Done. You might want to add a cover. Just to attract more readers.

Already submitted one, but it looks like it hasn't been approved yet. I just uploaded the story yesterday, I think. This is the one I'm using on RR.

 

[MareoKen]

Thanks for doing this! I recently released 7 chapters of my first novel, Spirit Exorcists! Would really appreciate some feedback!

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/468057/spirit-exorcists/

Here's the synopsis:
When Mark's troubled friend, Ruby, takes her own life, a grieving Mark heads to her suicide spot to pay his respects. In a strange twist of fate, he is attacked by a powerful spirit that reveals itself to be Ruby. Shen, an exorcist from the Spiritual Anomalies Investigation Bureau, an organisation dedicated to investigating the supernatural, arrives on the scene and attempts to save Mark but complications result in Ruby's spirit binding with Mark. Now, under the guidance of the Spiritual Anomalies Investigation Bureau, Mark has to learn how to use the powers of Ruby's spirit to exorcise evil spirits while revisiting Ruby's troubled past in order to unbind Ruby's spirit and allow her to pass properly into the afterlife.

Thanks for doing this!

 

[unknownking]

A wise man once told me: Never say no to an offer. Thanks in advance.
As for the question: about what is my story? I can't really answer it, since it was originally meant to be a slow-moving fantasy story from weak to strong, but peeps began calling it a troll/satire story so I cannot really answer that question.
my story

Spatial magus

Old title: Lost souls: Road to Godhood In a world where mages stand above nobles and even the law, it's not surprising that everyone wants to learn magic. Luz and his brothers are no different. However, their peaceful lives are shattered when a dragon attacks their village. Left with no...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Salvador_Sequeira]

I'd be grateful to take you up on that offer, the novel is in my description!

 

[doravg]

try this, i haven't posted any chapter this month but, will next month ^^

I-RANGRIS: Adventure in the world of Astiriya

When I-rangris find out a hidden portal inside her own cupboard which leads her into a different world, finds out how her life changes. What does she discover and where her destiny leads her? From Kingdoms to lands, slices of lives to the royal palace, Wars attend to seek peacefulness...

www.scribblehub.com

done

 

[Alfir]

Sweet! I have relatively short chapters. It has magic, a statue, and a serious tone. It's in my signature, thanks.

 

[doravg]

Thanks for doing this! I recently released 7 chapters of my first novel, Spirit Exorcists! Would really appreciate some feedback!

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/468057/spirit-exorcists/

Here's the synopsis:
When Mark's troubled friend, Ruby, takes her own life, a grieving Mark heads to her suicide spot to pay his respects. In a strange twist of fate, he is attacked by a powerful spirit that reveals itself to be Ruby. Shen, an exorcist from the Spiritual Anomalies Investigation Bureau, an organisation dedicated to investigating the supernatural, arrives on the scene and attempts to save Mark but complications result in Ruby's spirit binding with Mark. Now, under the guidance of the Spiritual Anomalies Investigation Bureau, Mark has to learn how to use the powers of Ruby's spirit to exorcise evil spirits while revisiting Ruby's troubled past in order to unbind Ruby's spirit and allow her to pass properly into the afterlife.

Thanks for doing this!

Done. And your cover is just fine, too. (I noticed that you were asking about it on a different thread.)

A wise man once told me: Never say no to an offer. Thanks in advance.
As for the question: about what is my story? I can't really answer it, since it was originally meant to be a slow-moving fantasy story from weak to strong, but peeps began calling it a troll/satire story so I cannot really answer that question.
my story

Spatial magus

Old title: Lost souls: Road to Godhood In a world where mages stand above nobles and even the law, it's not surprising that everyone wants to learn magic. Luz and his brothers are no different. However, their peaceful lives are shattered when a dragon attacks their village. Left with no...

www.scribblehub.com

I think I already reviewed this story on RR. It sounds familiar. They try to get out of the forest and Luz, the oldest brother, teleports them away. Seemingly at the cost of his own life, but, he doesn't end up dead. Right?

I'd be grateful to take you up on that offer, the novel is in my description!

done

 

[doravg]

Sweet! I have relatively short chapters. It has magic, a statue, and a serious tone. It's in my signature, thanks.

Done.

 

[patbateman123x]

Hi! I'd like some feedback on my novel too .It's more character driven in school life . I've written only 10 chapters so far . My focus has been more on dialogue between characters since most novels I've read tend to lack substance in dialogue . I thought banter between characters would come off as more dynamic . He evens blurts out his inner monologues since he is that blunt . The point was so other characters could hear his life philosophies .The character backstory hasn't been revealed yet t for now i am slowly introducing new characters , then building them up , portraying the conflicts , then how the mc is going to step in and how that's going to affect him .Ultimately how those characters are going to affect the mc is still in the works . No smut . Adult jokes here there since that's how the mc is . He is a mixture of the good parts of some of my fav characters so any feed back would be appreciated . I also post the novel on webnovels.

Breaking the Masquerade

Join our MC as he navigates through highschool as he comes to terms with his past and his inner demons . He is blunt , sarcastic ,charismatic , loves his gentleman talk , doesn't shy away from teasing the ladies and he bitch slaps people that have it coming. But under all the farce...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Avitue]

Here's my new story.

Free Lances

'All right, boys and girls, quit sucking your ma's teats. It's high time we bloody earn our paychecks!' Born in times of turmoil, orphaned at a young age, and raised amongst rowdy sellswords, young Reinhardt Edelstein joined the mercenary trade as well when he grew up. When misfortune finally...

www.scribblehub.com

Would appreciate if you could also post the review on RR as well. I'm currently on Rising Stars there.