Is my use of third person good or bad?

[Gastic]

Is my story that I just started after coming back on this site for so long decent in the POV? I’m thinking more of putting third person rather than first and can even switch between both of them fairly well. Tell me how you feel about the wording. I want to know if it’s decent or shit awful because I don’t usually write in the third person. (Don’t hate me for isekai I made this one cause I had the idea pop in my head) the first chapter is purely first person but I was indecisive at the time on 1st or 3rd

(if it doesn’t make sense then you’d need the previous chapters but that’s not the worry)

brief description: Bitchy hs girl gets hit by a truck that fell from the sky after being saved by a pedestrian, she gets sent into an otome game world as the villain the usual works and all. The other part is of the pedestrian who stopped her from being hit by a car originally and got caught in the crossfire, he gets reborn as a little sissy wolf boy and is forced to become a warrior. and the third is of the heroine who has the ability to reset time to stop people from dying.

*
As I paced around my room my childish legs nearly gave out from exhaustion. Clearly I had a ways to go to avoid a destruction route. I'm definitely interested in the capture targets, but I'm not the heroine and my reputation is to say in such an unseemly manner is equivalent to dog shit that you stepped in on accident. Although I have a unique ability to view the spirits such a thing Addeline couldn't even do!

According to my memory I should have the darkness attribute which will further push me into a corner when it comes to interactions of the magical kind. At least when I had a problem back on earth I could just ask a wiki... I'm not really digging the black hair either, it's so incongruous in this world of varied hair colors and is based on the beauty of a refined Japanese woman. I'm not of Asian descent nor do I adore the slick black hair to put it in crude terms.

With a loud huff I toss my face into a pillow.

"raaah" The pillow manages to muffle my anger and confusion which only caused me to scream louder until my throat hurt. On an unrelated note having to look at the beast people brought displeasure to her. The anatomy of such creatures threw the girl off immensely. What's with the ears on top? Do you also have human ears? Are they as dumb as the animals they look like? How could a mutt or stray cat and human be a good mix? She didn't consider or even see herself as "racist" but these thoughts fervently moved through her head. But the MOST unpleasant part would be she'd have to compete with some bumpkin who casually cucks other women and takes their men, she has no mercy and orders others around with her hands clasped together saying shit like "please don't fight over me" and the worst part about that is that she'd have to pretend to be a nice little Normie bitch. The people of this world are so incompetent and prone to violence that they'd wag their tails along to the ideas of a frog if it hopped in their path. Their intelligence seemed to stem so low that in her mind she could not see herself as anything but superior. Not due to race or small characteristics as she was raised in a generation that abhorred and scorned people with such thoughts. But due to the sheer idiocy that she would have to deal with.

Just imagining the path ahead of her she shuddered.

"My birthday party is three months. Lore wise that's where I meet the heroine and get on her bad side by condemning her actions that violated common noble courtesy. In that span of time I would have to study, learn magic, and somehow get the people to look at me as a saint" It was such a task that I started to feel a painful pang in my head.

Not only did she not possess Addeline's memories, but she decided to cast out her own aside from her ingenuity, knowledge of technology, and game info. Crying over her family and loss of her previous life would just result in her losing precious time, and she needed every minute. To Addeline her head racked over a method to not stray too far from the world's future so as not to lose all the footing she had while also not dying.

The deepest part that aggravated Addeline was her previous experience of a vixen stealing her man without even trying. How could one go around and destroy every precious relationship one couple had built in the pursuit of her own happiness. The heroine was not innocent either, she knew of her unfair charm and beguilement and used it to her own advantage, from playing as the character for roughly two hundred hours Addeline had known and was even forced to go along with the tormenting cutesy poses and speeches. The rated eighteen and up tag was even more so bothersome as characters often suffered brutal deaths from which the heroine would have to reverse time to stop.

Noble as her intentions were it was still unfair for the heroine to snatch men like a bargain sale. To guarantee her safety Addeline would be forced to draw the heroine into her ranks, it would be hard and a battle of wits. Her cunning vs the heroine's. Despite not being all that smart in societal matters or mathematical the heroine had trial and error on her side. At this point she should already have experienced one reset, and cunning that could rival her own. Addeline needed to stay vigilant, reduce the amounts of resets, and not die. To say she had a lot on her plate would be an understatement.



Addeline had a number of problems she needed to handle but right now she needed a nap

 

[Michuyu]

Hi! I think your story sample is very interesting *-* I like the way you write! However, the only thing that throws me off is the fact that you switch back and forth between the first person to the third. I think that you should go with the third, as it seems like you provide more details in the third pov. With the 3rd pov, it is also still possible for you to reveal what is on MC's mind while mentioning other elements of the story that is not in MC's immediate consciousness. This is just my opinion though ^^

As to why it throws me off; the first-person point of view, makes me feel like I'm seeing through the eyes of the character, while the third-person point of view makes me feel like I am looking in from the outside or from a distance. While I'm settling into seeing through the eyes of the character(reading I's and me's) and getting comfortable, all of a sudden it's like I have to get up and go outside to continue the story(using she's, her's). Then when I get comfortable looking in from the outside, all of a sudden I have to get back behind the eyes of the character. It ruins the experience for me and makes me feel set apart from the story. I am not sure exactly how to explain it, but I hope that makes sense. :D

I used to also struggle with choosing which point of view I want to write in, but each perspective has certain effects for readers. For example, the First-person perspective centers around the MC and therefore emphasizes the reader's connection to MC's experiences. So, if you want readers to be engaged with the MC's direct thought process, the first-person perspective is a good idea. The third-person perspective has a few different 'modes' such as omniscient which means that the writer focuses on portraying the actions of multiple characters without going too into their thought process. This is good for when you have a large set of important characters such as a friend group and you want to represent them all. This is also good when you want to put the readers in the position to know things that the characters themselves wouldn't know (ie: when the hero stabs the villain and goes back to the village in triumph, but there is a scene where the villain pulls out the sword and is still alive cause it didn't puncture any vital organs). Omniscient third person pov is like you are telling the story of your characters to someone, so imagine it's like gossiping in a way. (I'm not too familiar with writing in this perspective) Then there is limited third person pov where you are writing in third person, but only through the eyes of one character, presumably the MC. This gives the effect of not being too up and personal with the MC, because you won't know the MC's exact thought process. Still, everything that is revealed is what the MC is experiencing. So I'd say this is good for when you have one Mc and you don't really want to get into what other characters are up to, and at the same time, you don't really want the reader to know exactly what the MC is thinking about doing when MC's not directly speaking with dialogue. This gives the MC a bit more mystic in my opinion.

These are just my observations, it might not be accurate at all, but it's how I choose my perspective now ^^ The same thought process (what/how do I want my readers to experience?) can be used when choosing a tense.

I'm sorry for the long response hehe. I hope you the best with this project! :D

 

[Tessa_Renalds]

3rd person would probably be best.

You go from 1st person perspective and then immediately jump into third person perspective. Its also funky because you write “you” in there, which brings in the second perspective and potentially break the fourth wall doing so. It’s kind of jarring and pulls me away because my brain didn’t translate that very well.

Story plot wise: I like the concept. I was confused when you tried to explain Addeline’s physique. Interesting idea.
Good luck with the story! :)

 

[Gastic]

Hi! I think your story sample is very interesting *-* I like the way you write! However, the only thing that throws me off is the fact that you switch back and forth between the first person to the third. I think that you should go with the third, as it seems like you provide more details in the third pov. With the 3rd pov, it is also still possible for you to reveal what is on MC's mind while mentioning other elements of the story that is not in MC's immediate consciousness. This is just my opinion though ^^

As to why it throws me off; the first-person point of view, makes me feel like I'm seeing through the eyes of the character, while the third-person point of view makes me feel like I am looking in from the outside or from a distance. While I'm settling into seeing through the eyes of the character(reading I's and me's) and getting comfortable, all of a sudden it's like I have to get up and go outside to continue the story(using she's, her's). Then when I get comfortable looking in from the outside, all of a sudden I have to get back behind the eyes of the character. It ruins the experience for me and makes me feel set apart from the story. I am not sure exactly how to explain it, but I hope that makes sense. :D

I used to also struggle with choosing which point of view I want to write in, but each perspective has certain effects for readers. For example, the First-person perspective centers around the MC and therefore emphasizes the reader's connection to MC's experiences. So, if you want readers to be engaged with the MC's direct thought process, the first-person perspective is a good idea. The third-person perspective has a few different 'modes' such as omniscient which means that the writer focuses on portraying the actions of multiple characters without going too into their thought process. This is good for when you have a large set of important characters such as a friend group and you want to represent them all. This is also good when you want to put the readers in the position to know things that the characters themselves wouldn't know (ie: when the hero stabs the villain and goes back to the village in triumph, but there is a scene where the villain pulls out the sword and is still alive cause it didn't puncture any vital organs). Omniscient third person pov is like you are telling the story of your characters to someone, so imagine it's like gossiping in a way. (I'm not too familiar with writing in this perspective) Then there is limited third person pov where you are writing in third person, but only through the eyes of one character, presumably the MC. This gives the effect of not being too up and personal with the MC, because you won't know the MC's exact thought process. Still, everything that is revealed is what the MC is experiencing. So I'd say this is good for when you have one Mc and you don't really want to get into what other characters are up to, and at the same time, you don't really want the reader to know exactly what the MC is thinking about doing when MC's not directly speaking with dialogue. This gives the MC a bit more mystic in my opinion.

These are just my observations, it might not be accurate at all, but it's how I choose my perspective now ^^ The same thought process (what/how do I want my readers to experience?) can be used when choosing a tense.

I'm sorry for the long response hehe. I hope you the best with this project! :D

Thanks that actually helps a lot. Third person is better for describing direct action while also being able to include character thought and perspective of others.

 

[Gastic]

3rd person would probably be best.

You go from 1st person perspective and then immediately jump into third person perspective. Its also funky because you write “you” in there, which brings in the second perspective and potentially break the fourth wall doing so. It’s kind of jarring and pulls me away because my brain didn’t translate that very well.

Story plot wise: I like the concept. I was confused when you tried to explain Addeline’s physique. Interesting idea.
Good luck with the story! :)

Thanks that helps

 

[Michuyu]

Thanks that helps

Glad I could be a bit of help :D

 

[K5Rakitan]

Third person offers a lot more flexibility, but people in the industry say that first person sells better. You might want to write it one way and then rewrite it the other way to force yourself to edit more.

 

[BenJepheneT]

From my personal experience, third person lends itself to clarity towards the PHYSICAL SITUATION while first-person gives a whole new meaning towards the word EMOTIONS.

It depends on what you want to write. If you use third person, you may have the benefit of leaving most things to "show don't tell" while leaving character interactions on a bare-bones display whilst giving room for interpretation through intentionally leaving out details.

However, writing in first person means you HAVE TO BE SURE on what your POV feels/thinks/acts. However, you may have the privilege of switching perspectives, where one man may see good while the other sees evil. If done right, you can make an abstract story that's heavily engrossing and engaging due to the open nature for your readers to dictate which POV to trust or lean towards. American Psycho (the book) is a great example of this. Bateman leads this life of a New York businessman extrodinare until you close the book and reflect upon it only to realize every act he's done was only glorified and distorted by Bateman's own narration.

 

[Ai-chan]

It will be very hard to switch to third person if you have started the story on 1st person. They use two different writing styles that do not always mix together and could only cause confusion to you, the author. Even established authors would caution against using both in the same book. Professional advice would most generally be: pick one and stick with it to the end.

So basically, first person allows the reader to pretend to be in the protagonist's shoes and allows the reader to pretend to be that person. The narrator does not have omniscience and does not know anything that happens outside the narrator's perceptions. So if a demon invasion happens to erupt in the neighbour's house, he might not know of it unless he happens to goes outside to see it himself or it was so loud he could hear it even without going out of the house. First person is appealing because there is a lot of mystery about the world and the reader is not force-fed unnecessary information because this is mostly a monologue. What the protagonist knows is simply all that the reader knows about that story at that point. This means the reader's feelings and opinions are directly related to the protagonist's feelings and opinions.

Third person is vastly different and are more flexible in its use. Third person narrative can range from no omniscience, partial omniscience to total omniscience. This means that readers do not feel attached to any of the characters. The readers are merely observers in the clouds watching ants living their lives. Sure you can overcome this by focusing on a select few characters, so it's not like it's set in stone. But the feeling of personal connection and involvement is significantly less than that of first person narration.