Just Found This site. Would appreciate any/ all feedback and critique possible!

[Ozefen]

Hey how's it going guys?

I only just found out this site existed a little while ago and have posted a few chapters onto this site. I would really appreciate feedback and/ or critique on absolutely anything.

It's an isekai fantasy with a female lead with a lesbian harem-esque situation. Though the core of the story is about fate and identity as the main character struggles to not be changed by the title, and the burden placed on her shoulders.

Also, if no one is interested in taking a look at the chapters, I would still love if anyone could take a look at my blurb and rate/ critique it for me as I've always felt like my blurbs aren't up to par.

Spoiler: Blurb

On the precipice of confessing to the man of her dreams, Eve is taken by a light. Imagine another world swallowing you up against your will, and eroding who you are; that it demands a life from you so contrary to your previous one. In this world, Eve has forced upon her, the title of "Zeroth." Her whole world, and that of many others' , changes- destined to fall into madness. Now in a new world with responsibilities that make no sense to her, it is her newfound "friends" that she has to rely on to stay sane and be the hero she does not desire, but the one they need.

Except, bit by bit, they all lose sight of who she is, seeing only the hero "Zero" in front of them. Fate has a wicked sense of humor as Eve's life comes unraveled.

Is Eve destined to be the hero she is not? Or will she let the title she bares consume her, distorting her into another? And will her past help define her future. This is the tale of her struggles, and a star-crossed love destined by Fate to never converge. This is the tale of Zero.

 

[YuriDoggo]

You need to split the actual synopsis from your author's notes, either with several line breaks or a physical line. Its awfully intimidating to read such a long synopsis. In fact, I think you should cut your synopsis by around half. About 100-150 words should be the maximum.

I also recommend getting the synopsis edited. Even if you don't edit your story proper, the synopsis must be perfect. Currently, it is far from it. I'm not saying it to be mean, but almost every sentence could use some tidying up-- either because of grammatical mistakes or because it's unclear. If you will PM me a google docs containing it we can work on it.

Here is just one of the sentences. The word that shouldn't be in there.

Imagine another world swallowing you up against your will, and eroding who you are; that it demands a life from you so contrary to your previous one.

Given that it's GL, I'll probably read it eventually though.

 

[Ozefen]

You need to split the actual synopsis from your author's notes, either with several line breaks or a physical line. Its awfully intimidating to read such a long synopsis. In fact, I think you should cut your synopsis by around half. About 100-150 words should be the maximum.

I also recommend getting the synopsis edited. Even if you don't edit your story proper, the synopsis must be perfect. Currently, it is far from it. I'm not saying it to be mean, but almost every sentence could use some tidying up-- either because of grammatical mistakes or because it's unclear. If you will PM me a google docs containing it we can work on it.

Here is just one of the sentences. The word that shouldn't be in there.



Given that it's GL, I'll probably read it eventually though.

Yeah, I do. And on the main site I used, it's split with a line break. I didn't realize it didn't do that on this site. What do? Also, sent you a pm if you'd like to help me solidify it better.