Looking for a Critique/Advice: Content Readability & Proper Usage of Tenses.

[Slaire]

Hello everyone,

I am a new script writer of a visual novel, which is titled as "Watercolor." It's about a teenager who found himself wanting to go back to the place where he used to live, because of the alienation and humiliation he received while staying at his current house. Soon he will realize that he forgotten a lot of things about his childhood, and will try to figure those things out. The issue is that I'm always having a hard time to analyze the readability of my own writing (whether if they make sense or not) since I'm not a good English speaker and a storyteller.

Please help me out with the content readability and proper usage of tense!
* I used first-person narrative and it's in present tense.

The exposition is on its half way.
I am planning to convert it into a novel (or novelette), once the game is over. I hope you can spare some time to comment down your thoughts. It will be appreciated.

Here's a copy of my work:

Watercolor.docx

drive.google.com

 

[Hathnuz]

It is already readable and the usage of tense is proper AFAIK. There are few lines that can be improved.

There is a sunlight that penetrates the curtained window of the classroom.

The sunlight penetrates the curtained window of the classroom.

I gradually regain my
wakefulness and raise my head away from my crossed arms.

I gradually regain my
consciousness and raise my head away from my crossed arms.

My
eyes impulsively avert its focus from the scenery, it is slightly blinding.

I impulsively avert my eyes from the scenery, it is slightly blinding.

There are few information I managed to take from
her.

I manage to take few information from her.

The rest are grammatical mistakes. For that, you can use grammarly.com
Also, avoid using 'but' as the first word in any sentence.

 

[Slaire]

Thank you for replying, Hathnuz! It means a lot to me. <3 The lines that you've revised become a lot more natural to read now.