Well... My main issue is that the everything feels like an internal monologue, it is told like the character knows everything. Example: The 80 year old wooden cottage. Sure it's pretty fine, but why couldn't it be mentioned earlier? The fact that everything is a monologue is the problem because of the lack of descriptions at least in my opinion. Also the start of first chapter. 'The novel just started but I am already bored. Yuu kept reading...' You cannot suddenly change from first person to third person and then first person again.
For example the 80 year old cottage and the screeching stairs. If we want to stay in internal monologue I would write it like this, just an example.
It can't be helped... I feel nervous every time I look at the stairs of this old cottage, making dreadful screeching sounds every time I place my foot on them. I am surprised that the stairs are in such a good condition seeing they can support my weight. Considering the cottage is 80 years old i think it's quite impressive.
Of course, this was extremely forced internal monologue. But, I think it explains quite well that the cottage is old and even gives the age without it feeling out of place. At least in my own opinion. My main issue is that it feels like I am reading a internal monologue and while that is fine. The lack of descriptions bothers me.
Although I do not think my feedback is good at all. But, seeing no one else gave feedback I decided to share it anyways. I would certainly like bad feedback than no feedback at all at least for myself. Hope this helped ever so slightly.
www.scribblehub.com
