Looking for a little feedback!

theteapotiscoming

New member
Joined
Sep 5, 2019
Messages
1
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1
Hi there! I'm an aspiring author, and I'm looking for a lil' feedback. If you guys could leave me a review or two, then it'd be awesome! Am I on the right track? Anything I could be improving?
Link to my novel[Kingmaker]:

This teapot's novel.

Thanks a bunch!
-A humble teapot.
 

tiaf

The insignificant artist failure
Joined
May 29, 2019
Messages
71
Points
33
I just read the prologue and skimmed the first chapter a bit. The story idea was quite interesting.

Now the big bad but.

I’m on phone and it’s a long intimidating text wall. I sometimes lost the line. Please make the paragraphs shorter or alternate between short and long paragraphs. Personally, I quite like it, when important sentences stand alone to highlight them.

Your sentences are very elaborate (don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad thing). If I read one at a time it’s okay. However, there are passages with complex sentence after another. It was a bit hard on me (don’t know if it’s because I’m not a native english speaker). As a result, I forgot some information that might be important and lost interest.

The first chapter is better in that aspect. But there is on thing, I seriously missed: conjunctions. It will make the flow much better and makes following the plot easier.

Well, that are my opinions. Hope it helped.
 
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