Looking for feedback if possible

[Yomo.Kinoshi]

Hello, I'm looking for some feedback on the story I'm writing. Especially on writing styles and the pacing of story progressions.

 

[Bladedante]

I just read the first chapter but you tend to ramble and repeat info alot
For instance chapter 1 first and second paragraph you mention that voyden is a beginner town and the first sentance is confusing.

 

[Yomo.Kinoshi]

I just read the first chapter but you tend to ramble and repeat info alot
For instance chapter 1 first and second paragraph you mention that voyden is a beginner town and the first sentance is confusing.

Thanks. I will takes notes.