Bronzeapollo
Active member
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2019
- Messages
- 16
- Points
- 43
Not looking to empose on my usual beta reader, who is studying for exams; however, I'm still curious for what I did wrong.
The story is, This Story includes a Depressed Main Character.
Summary: I’m already dead, and the story hasn’t even started.
Thanks to anyone who offers feedback or even reads the story.
The story is, This Story includes a Depressed Main Character.
Summary: I’m already dead, and the story hasn’t even started.
Thanks to anyone who offers feedback or even reads the story.
- The first scene. I don't like how it is the only paragraph that isn't through immediate eyes of the Rae/Aster. (Idea: Start it from Aster's perspective and change it to "I" and instead of "he". Problem is that wouldn't read right.)
- Grammar, there are multiple points of edits needing to be made for grammar. (I will be trying to fix those, but any pointed will be much appreciated.)
- There is no conclusion. It ends very openly and doesn't bring closure to the reader. (Reason: I didn't like any of the closers I wrote. No, I wouldn't ever make it so they date and they "cures" their depression. I believe that to be one of the biggest cop-outs to writing a story with depressed characters.)
- Pacing. (Idk just seemed off to me.)
- No thematic reason to read the story. (What is the reason to read the story? That is what I believe it to be missing.)
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