Looking for Insights? (Closed, Thank you!)

[M.G.Driver]

new author looking for feedback, thank you https://www.scribblehub.com/series/699373/a-black-market-litrpg/

 

[Civilian]

Another excellent story! Thanks for introducing me to it.

The whole time reading it, I was just reminded of two things: Lycoris Recoil and Resident Evil. The former due to its similar character and the latter due to its similar setting and character names [Clair and ‘Leon' (one word off from ‘Yeon') are characters of RE] so it was pretty amusing to me. Plus, I liked both series so I naturally liked yours, which was well-executed in terms of writing and pacing.

The story itself, subjective as it may be, was really intriguing to me despite following various tropes naturally used. I can see we have got a good cast of characters and a good intent (not in terms of morals, in terms of logic) that clarifies why they do stuff. Your writing skills are off the charts and your scene setting is excellent. I would suggest though that you describe the area more, especially considering how much we jump from places in this story (Although you do specify time and location).

The fight scenes were really well-written, there was a smooth flow yet it felt chaotic, a hard-to-pull move but you have achieved it successfully. I was also impressed by the fact that you managed to describe the characters' personalities during the fight scenes, but I also think that it could have been utilised more.

The multiple aspects that you bring together through various periods of time adds a depth to the story and world-building, like referencing the past of this world and the history of the company, but I think there might be a small problem there.

If these Specters are such a huge threat to the very survival of humanity that they almost wiped us out several times, why is the world letting a private organization handle it, let alone leaving it to die? That needs to be addressed (perhaps it is in the later chapters which I haven't read yet, so sorry and please don't spoil it because I want to read it). So world-building could use a little elaboration on there.

Finally, I reckon that the cast introduction was a bit weak, though it could be the case that I am at fault for not understanding it properly. The thing is, I confused the characters a lot at the start. So, just wanted to mention that. I reckon too many characters were introduced too quickly, so I mixed some attributes with others.

Overall, really professionally written. Perhaps could use a bit of world-building and character specification, but besides that, a cool story touching multiple genres and a cool cast of characters with clear intents.

As I always say, feedback is a conversation. So, looking forward to hearing back from you.

Thank you for taking time to read it, I appreciate it a lot! Cerberus is and will be discussed further in the story since there is quiet a lot going on. Description of characters and locations is something I'm trying to work on but still struggle to get right, so that's just on me being unable to pull it off the way it should.

I'm really happy to hear you enjoyed your time reading it, will try to improve in the areas you mentioned as I further write the story. Thank you!

 

[Zinless]

Would love your take on mine!

Reincarnated Into Two Bodies

After falling to his death, he wakes up with two bodies?! Reincarnated as both a humble commoner boy and a privileged young noble girl, our protagonist enjoys their new chance in life with two different perspectives. Although they only wished for a peaceful life, the world had other plans in...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Alseki.]

Cool. Sounds like possibly a request for less typical works of the site. So I'll bite:

Chaos Slinger

The inessential human strive to comprehend the indifferent nature of the universe around him necessitates the drive of creation; imagination renders myths which in an effort to comfort the self becomes something greater than self.

I like how you began the story fantastically (as in, like a fantasy) and quickly made it pragmatic. Wonderfully fantastic. Throughout the first chapter, you built your character very well, his views, intents, and motives. I also liked how we basically go through the same journey the charter does in the past, fascination crushed by reality, which makes sense considering we learn it stuff through his eyes.

The world-building is great, giving snippets of information here and there in between the lines to let the viewers unheedingly build a perception of the world, I really liked that. At the same time, due to the aspects of the story, it was easy to recognize the sociological structure of his world too, at least to a certain extent, along with the lifestyle. It all adds up to be an enriched world.

Usually, a bunch of foreign names thrown at the reader at their very start may overwhelm them, but here as the names were distinct, repeated, and had meaning associated with them, and also at the same time to really important to the immediate story, it worked out well.

Your word usage and description skills are convincing and sells the idea of the world. The writing style subtly indicative of the state of the surroundings, ability which contributes to the enrichment of every scene.

I have only started reading your story, and can already say I will follow through it. As I say, feedback is a conversation, as live ahead with the stories I will gain more insights, and I will make sure to share them with you :)

Thank you for suggesting your story to me.

 

[RainHarlow]

The inessential human strive to comprehend the indifferent nature of the universe around him necessitates the drive of creation; imagination renders myths which in an effort to comfort the self becomes something greater than self.

I like how you began the story fantastically (as in, like a fantasy) and quickly made it pragmatic. Wonderfully fantastic. Throughout the first chapter, you built your character very well, his views, intents, and motives. I also liked how we basically go through the same journey the charter does in the past, fascination crushed by reality, which makes sense considering we learn it stuff through his eyes.

The world-building is great, giving snippets of information here and there in between the lines to let the viewers unheedingly build a perception of the world, I really liked that. At the same time, due to the aspects of the story, it was easy to recognize the sociological structure of his world too, at least to a certain extent, along with the lifestyle. It all adds up to be an enriched world.

Usually, a bunch of foreign names thrown at the reader at their very start may overwhelm them, but here as the names were distinct, repeated, and had meaning associated with them, and also at the same time to really important to the immediate story, it worked out well.

Your word usage and description skills are convincing and sells the idea of the world. The writing style subtly indicative of the state of the surroundings, ability which contributes to the enrichment of every scene.

I have only started reading your story, and can already say I will follow through it. As I say, feedback is a conversation, as live ahead with the stories I will gain more insights, and I will make sure to share them with you :)

Thank you for suggesting your story to me.

Thank you so much for this. Your first line there is beautifully said, capturing the correlations between cosmology/astronomy and mythmaking in the heavens rather succinctly and poetically. Naturally, I'm trying to connect them likewise in some fashion at the start of the story, and the juxtaposition of 'wait, which is it?' is injected directly into the character, also a war he continues to have to fight internally as things go on. Sometimes, literally pragmatism vs. fantasy, even, I can say with confidence.

Glad to hear it has a balance as it goes, I tried to 'keep the painting hand moving,' as a deliberate philosophy, despite depositing a lot of info. Someone else said, 'lots of info without quite being an infodump, well done' to somewhat paraphrase, haha...

Fortunately, any reader drawn to chapter 2 should have an easier time and the benefit of more dialog and interactions for a while. Eventually, it settles into 'adventure cadence,' so gets more intimate on the involved and most-important pieces. :-)

Thanks again for your thoughtful commentary and happy reading with everything going forward!

 

[nowme_cres]

T

new author looking for feedback, thank you https://www.scribblehub.com/series/699373/a-black-market-litrpg/

Taking up the offer ^3

 

[Story_Marc]

Hmm... Alright, I'm game to give this a try. If this seems like something that would interest you. Click the cover art for the link.

Genre: Mystery/Suspense

Synopsis
Part crime solver, part crime causer, the cunning heiress Cassidy Cain uses her privilege and wits for those without her advantages as The Grandmaster of Theft.

Under normal circumstances, she chooses her marks. This time, the target – the obnoxious celebrity Narcissa Richmond – challenges her to steal a religious relic aboard a train. Nevertheless, Cassidy sees this as an opportunity for her most spectacular caper yet.

As Cassidy delves deeper into the job, she uncovers a conspiracy centered around her capture. With criminals and investigators alike targeting her, she must stay one step ahead of them all or else lose the relic, her reputation, and her life.

 

[Alseki.]

I would love to take you up on that offer! I promise you that it isn't anything like mindless smut or anything. Definitely is unique though. I could use more ratings and reviews.

Charisma

I, the wholly happy-go-lucky character, go through life on an alternate Earth with some 'minor' differences. Yes indeedy do! I promise an absolutely joyous time! I tell no lies. What minor differences you ask? Well, here's some advice. Don't drink that lava in a bottle, or you'll spend a night...

www.scribblehub.com

I will be honest, my first impression of the story was dull. I thought I wouldn't like the prospect of it and the synopsis also was a downer for me. But oh boy, when I read it, it immediately became the best thing I have reviewed here thus far.

Initially, I was suspicious of your... questionable word choice and your sentence structuring was a bit off by a mark. It seemed that the voice exchange was random and the narration was confusing. Though in retrospect, all of those things add up to enriching the experience of reading this novel, change nothing! Not all stories are going to follow an objective code, they all are different and they should, even must, be. And though wary of your style first, I like it very much! I don't think this story is for everyone, but those who will read it (including me) will be extremely invested in it!


The premise and the subtle, subtle and excellent world-building is the best I have seen so far in my reviews. The introduction to the characters and their personalities was so good!

Look, I am not saying it was objectively best. In that sense actually, I reckon it may fail to tick some boxes. But to me, subjectively, this was the most intriguing and entertaining read thus far. How sociology works, the government is, the psychological system is established, and interactions of the characters, just .

Keep writing is the only feedback I would like to give to you, I don't want to risk affecting your style by clouding your judgment through my dumb review. Because your story is different, unique.

Still, if you want a conversation I will be always free to suggest :)

Thank you for such a good suggestion!

Also you other folks reading this should check this out!


And I will review the other amazing novels suggested to me soon. Very glad that I can be a bit helpful. Thank you everyone! You guys are very inspirational!

 

[TheMonotonePuppet]

I will be honest, my first impression of the story was dull. I thought I wouldn't like the prospect of it and the synopsis also was a downer for me. But oh boy, when I read it, it immediately became the best thing I have reviewed here thus far.

Initially, I was suspicious of your... questionable word choice and your sentence structuring was a bit off by a mark. It seemed that the voice exchange was random and the narration was confusing. Though in retrospect, all of those things add up to enriching the experience of reading this novel, change nothing! Not all stories are going to follow an objective code, they all are different and they should, even must, be. And though wary of your style first, I like it very much! I don't think this story is for everyone, but those who will read it (including me) will be extremely invested in it!


The premise and the subtle, subtle and excellent world-building is the best I have seen so far in my reviews. The introduction to the characters and their personalities was so good!

Look, I am not saying it was objectively best. In that sense actually, I reckon it may fail to tick some boxes. But to me, subjectively, this was the most intriguing and entertaining read thus far. How sociology works, the government is, the psychological system is established, and interactions of the characters, just .

Keep writing is the only feedback I would like to give to you, I don't want to risk affecting your style by clouding your judgment through my dumb review. Because your story is different, unique.

Still, if you want a conversation I will be always free to suggest :)

Thank you for such a good suggestion!

Also you other folks reading this should check this out!


And I will review the other amazing novels suggested to me soon. Very glad that I can be a bit helpful. Thank you everyone! You guys are very inspirational!

It's readers like you that give me the will, motivation, and inspiration to continue writing. I haven't starting crying yet, but I can feel the tears, goshdarnit! Thank you.

 

[Alseki.]

Seamlessly recommending my stories. *simply click on the stories in my signature*

PS You should use a signature too.

I had been wanting to review your story for a long time, sorry for the wait!

Before I say anything though, I would like to tell you that I don't reckon my feedback would be of any value to you. Considering how significantly ahead your story has progressed, and how much time has passed since you have written it (the start, which I read), the chapters I am going to review are very outdated. In this gap of time, I am sure the characters must have progressed and your writing style must have changed too. So, take everything with an extra salty grain of salt.

Also, yours is basically the first real one I am going to review using the framework I created, let us see how it works.

# 1) Plot And Execution:

“And then the place where the sisters descend to... Are the scenic mountains of Arcadia... Which later became known to all as... Paradiasis."

Alright, I digress. But if the banger prologue didn't convince me to go through the story, the fact that there is something named ‘Arcadia' in the other world definitely sold me. Without any further ado, these are my subjective and unprofessional two hours post midnight stale pizza-in-the-stomach feedback on your story—

## A) World-Building.

The world-building is pretty straightforward. Although it is the conventional way, especially when your story is more character-driven, I am really not a fan of such information exposition dumps. Perhaps the reason is that I have endured far too many orthodox direct world depositions on me in my lifetime, more than a healthy human should consume in his time on the planet.

I do think it also seems rather condescending, in the sense that it seems to be questioning a reader's intelligence. But I reckon that it is alright, especially for many newcomers. And the description wasn't bad as well, so even cultured folks like me wouldn't hate it. They just won't be very supportive of it. So, decent overall.


## B) Characters.

Interesting characters we have here, normally expected but not typically found.

I significantly lack the experience to comment on this category for this particular series, but even if I can't tell you about the personalities of your characters and how they feel, I can tell I'm general.

I reckon again the problem here is the amount of information about the characters you are explicitly mentioning, too much physical and behavioural deaths with an introduction to a considerable amount of cast can be a bit overwhelming, especially when the information is given instead of being shown.

I liked how you incorporated the fact that the protag cannot learn magic through dialogue, but that is it. All the rest of her traits we learn directly from the narrator. This is not ideal, especially when introducing a large cast with many names. People will just forget.

## C) Theme Dissection.

The most interesting thing to me here was the theme. Though I haven't read much into the story, I was excepting a bit more Germanic interventions throughout the story, more than just names.

Though I can see you using historical context, for a geek like me it was awesome!

I will perhaps comment more on the theme when I have completed more of your story.

# 2) Literary Analysis.

## A) Grammer And Word Usage.

The linguistical tools used at the beginning of the story were great, so was the vocabulary. Though I felt as the story progressed, they become sparse and few. That is not to say that the quality was affected, but it felt like there was a change in narration.

It is here that I would like to introduce the concept of ‘Impactful Words.' As I said in every review I will be telling a new literary device, this is the first one.

Whilst reading, I felt that you misplaced these impactful words. To explain what they are, here is an allegory. Instead of using the word ‘while' I used ‘whilst' which unintentionally told your subconscious that the following is going to be important but somehow wiser as well, because we associate archaic word usage with more knowledge. In the same way, using the word 'allegory' instead of 'example' helped me make you pay more attention. There is another, instead of 'ancient' I used 'archaic', which automatically sent a different signal to your brain and you interpreted it differently.

Try replacing these words with their more common terminologies and you will understand what I mean.


What I mean to say, simply, is that use impactful words only where they are necessary and convey something with gravity, intensity, or are solemn. Otherwise, they sound cheesy and break the immersion.

You made good use of impactful words in the start, though later their impact felt diminished to me.

But it is subjective.

The reason why synonyms exist and no two words are the same is that every word is having a different association and degree of impact, keep that in mind.

## B) Structure and Flow.

The structure seemed to be suited more to your writing style, audience engagement, and adaptability for online platforms. On a traditional scale, your structure would have been considered broken. But here, it is nothing short of brilliant. Giving many disagreeable pieces and checkpoints is a great way to garner even the more casual viewer and not overwhelm the.

The flow seemed to be changing, but it was focused whenever it dealt with one scenario. Though while changing them of multiple executions, it felt a bit bland or confusing.

Again, you are often explicitly mentioning plot-related details, it does not suit me well but others seem to like it.

## C) Narration And Notions.

The third-person narration is done well, though you can incorporate more first-person thoughts told through third person lens, as you did in the prologue.

# General Overview And Conclusion:

## Areas Of Improvement.

1) Proper usage of words, frequent uses of diverse vocabulary, lucidity in writing, and less ambiguity especially during multiple scene/change sequences.

2) Less explicitly story-telling, rather hinting and showing so that the reader doesn't lose interest and experience immersion, also doesn't doubt you doubting their intelligence.

3) Better structuring perhaps.

## Conclusion.

Very well written, I can see four passion and hard work. Keep up the good work and carry forward the conversation!


:)

I have intentionally not been adding quotes from the story and names of the characters, mostly because I am lazy to copy-paste stuff (The message gets way too long) or not confuse names and partly because I do not wish to ruin the story for someone. So, let me know whether it is effective to not.

I have added and subtracted the sections; displaced some from the original framework as per this story. Also, the message was getting too long.

I hope this review was of some use to you, as I always say, feedback is a cycle. Let me know your purpose behind making this series, I am looking forward to a conversation :).

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

## A) World-Building.

The world-building is pretty straightforward. Although it is the conventional way, especially when your story is more character-driven, I am really not a fan of such information exposition dumps. Perhaps the reason is that I have endured far too many orthodox direct world depositions on me in my lifetime, more than a healthy human should consume in his time on the planet.

Personally, I am a supporter of this choice. I like the introduction through an imaginary narrator in the tradition of Herodotus. It gives the story an epic, historical flair you cannot achieve through character driven interaction.

I do think it also seems rather condescending, in the sense that it seems to be questioning a reader's intelligence. But I reckon that it is alright, especially for many newcomers. And the description wasn't bad as well, so even cultured folks like me wouldn't hate it. They just won't be very supportive of it. So, decent overall.

That is a fair assessment actually, but you should consider that I write for all ranges, but you might need to elaborate here more.

## C) Theme Dissection.

The most interesting thing to me here was the theme. Though I haven't read much into the story, I was excepting a bit more Germanic interventions throughout the story, more than just names.

Though I can see you using historical context, for a geek like me it was awesome!

I will perhaps comment more on the theme when I have completed more of your story.

You can't have both. Or do you want to overwhelm people with a large cast and heavy world building at the same time?

## A) Grammer And Word Usage.

The linguistical tools used at the beginning of the story were great, so was the vocabulary. Though I felt as the story progressed, they become sparse and few. That is not to say that the quality was affected, but it felt like there was a change in narration.

It is here that I would like to introduce the concept of ‘Impactful Words.' As I said in every review I will be telling a new literary device, this is the first one.

Whilst reading, I felt that you misplaced these impactful words. To explain what they are, here is an allegory. Instead of using the word ‘while' I used ‘whilst' which unintentionally told your subconscious that the following is going to be important but somehow wiser as well, because we associate archaic word usage with more knowledge. In the same way, using the word 'allegory' instead of 'example' helped me make you pay more attention. There is another, instead of 'ancient' I used 'archaic', which automatically sent a different signal to your brain and you interpreted it differently.

This is where I must disagree strongly. Language is a precise tool, and words have particular meaning. I don't like when people use words without understanding.I expect precision.

For me, your two examples would achieve the exact contrary.

"Allegory" - "Example"

They are not synonyms. Allegory is more akin to metaphor but richer in nuance. Meanwhile, an example is a mere example. It is more of a rhetorical tool. So if the author starts to use "allegory" as a substitute for example. they show me:

a) they don't know what an allegory is
b) they don't know what an example is
c) they don't grasp precision and favour empty fancy writing. You don't sound wiser to me. It is not proper usage. Quite the contrary. Precision should be more valued than mannerism.

You cannot use the words interchangeable.

Same with "ancient" and "archaic". One is Latin. One is Greek.

But archaic carries a strong connotation of old and obsolete. Meanwhile, ancient expresses merely old in a historical sense.

So it makes a significant difference if you say, an ancient language or an archaic language. An ancient language is still old, but still in use. There is no judgement attached. An archaic language, however, is old and obsolete. There is a strong sense of qualitative judgement.

By changing a single world, you actually end up saying something completely different because you use a word that you think are complete synonyms without a second thought.

I have already edited a few stories already. And I have always insisted on precision. But you are right with whilst.

You made good use of impactful words in the start, though later their impact felt diminished to me.

But it is subjective.

The reason why synonyms exist and no two words are the same is that every word is having a different association and degree of impact, keep that in mind.

Yes, because it takes a lot of effort to craft like this. But your point is well taken. Nevertheless, you must be careful to not descend into mannerism.

“And then the place where the sisters descend to... Are the scenic mountains of Arcadia... Which later became known to all as... Paradiasis."

It is a poem ... I wonder from which ...

 

[Alseki.]

Personally, I am a supporter of this choice. I like the introduction through an imaginary narrator in the tradition of Herodotus. It gives the story an epic, historical flair you cannot achieve through character driven interaction.

That is a fair assessment actually, but you should consider that I write for all ranges, but you might need to elaborate here more.


You can't have both. Or do you want to overwhelm people with a large cast and heavy world building at the same time?

This is where I must disagree strongly. Language is a precise tool, and words have particular meaning. I don't like when people use words without understanding.I expect precision.

For me, your two examples would achieve the exact contrary.

"Allegory" - "Example"

They are not synonyms. Allegory is more akin to metaphor but richer in nuance. Meanwhile, an example is a mere example. It is more of a rhetorical tool. So if the author starts to use "allegory" as a substitute for example. they show me:

a) they don't know what an allegory is
b) they don't know what an example is
c) they don't grasp precision and favour empty fancy writing. You don't sound wiser to me. It is not proper usage. Quite the contrary. Precision should be more valued than mannerism.

You cannot use the words interchangeable.

Same with "ancient" and "archaic". One is Latin. One is Greek.

But archaic carries a strong connotation of old and obsolete. Meanwhile, ancient expresses merely old in a historical sense.

So it makes a significant difference if you say, an ancient language or an archaic language. An ancient language is still old, but still in use. There is no judgement attached. An archaic language, however, is old and obsolete. There is a strong sense of qualitative judgement.

By changing a single world, you actually end up saying something completely different because you use a word that you think are complete synonyms without a second thought.

I have already edited a few stories already. And I have always insisted on precision. But you are right with whilst.

Yes, because it takes a lot of effort to craft like this. But your point is well taken. Nevertheless, you must be careful to not descend into mannerism.

It is a poem ... I wonder from which ...

Regarding word usage, that was precisely my point .

I reckon larger cast and an enriched world are complimentary and go hand in hand. They support each other if done correctly, but it's the author's choice.

Simple elaboration on direct exposition: it might be irritating to some viewers. But when writing for a wide range, it is justified.

Your hard work is well-appreciated!
Oh yes, the poem.

It is a secret XD.

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

Regarding word usage, that was precisely my point .

I reckon larger cast and an enriched world are complimentary and go hand in hand. They support each other if done correctly, but it's the author's choice.

Simple elaboration on direct exposition: it might be irritating to some viewers. But when writing for a wide range, it is justified.

Your hard work is well-appreciated!
Oh yes, the poem.

It is a secret XD.

Okay, but don't use Arcadia! It is contaminatio!

Contamnatio - A case when words of different language origins are used together.

Arcadia is the Latinised version of Arkadia. Greek doesn't have the letter c, meanwhile Latin was much of a user of k. Funnily, the c is pronounced the same way as k, so it doesn't matter much spoken wise. But it doesn't graphically.

Paradiasis is clearly Greek in origin. So why do you use Greek and Latin intermixed? It is confusing.

 

[Alseki.]

Okay, but don't use Arcadia! It is contaminatio!

Contamnatio - A case when words of different language origins are used together.

Arcadia is the Latinised version of Arkadia. Greek doesn't have the letter c, meanwhile Latin was much of a user of k. Funnily, the c is pronounced the same way as k, so it doesn't matter much spoken wise. But it doesn't graphically.

Paradiasis is clearly Greek in origin. So why do you use Greek and Latin intermixed? It is confusing.

Contamimatio, another fascinating word added to my vocabulary! Thank you!


As for the intermiximg, there is a rabbit hole that goes deep.

Just know, Nyx and Khaos both are mothers, yet only one can convince and the other is only a personification. All is not as it seems.

That is the go al clue I give. The rest, figure it out if you can, though I wouldn't recommend trying as it's a niche and I don't expect anyone to find an answer. There are no correct answers.

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

Contamimatio, another fascinating word added to my vocabulary! Thank you!


As for the intermiximg, there is a rabbit hole that goes deep.

Just know, Nyx and Khaos both are mothers, yet only one can convince and the other is only a personification. All is not as it seems.

That is the go al clue I give. The rest, figure it out if you can, though I wouldn't recommend trying as it's a niche and I don't expect anyone to find an answer. There are no correct answers.

*classical education strikes* It is Chaos! The Greek x is not a kappa.

Contamimatio, another fascinating word added to my vocabulary! Thank you!


As for the intermiximg, there is a rabbit hole that goes deep.

Just know, Nyx and Khaos both are mothers, yet only one can convince and the other is only a personification. All is not as it seems.

That is the go al clue I give. The rest, figure it out if you can, though I wouldn't recommend trying as it's a niche and I don't expect anyone to find an answer. There are no correct answers.

Sounds like a persona game.

 

[Alseki.]

Greek x is not a kappa.

Not sure I follow.

Not a persona game XD.

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

Not sure I follow.

Not a persona game XD.

Chi doesn't translate to kh in terms of pronunciation. Khaos is an incorrect transliteration that arises probably from its incorrect English use. Chi is a phonem that doesn't exist in English that leads to an approximation through kh.

 

[SailusGebel]

Chi doesn't translate to kh in terms of pronunciation. Khaos is an incorrect transliteration that arises probably from its incorrect English use. Chi is a phonem that doesn't exist in English that leads to an approximation through kh.

 

[Alseki.]

Chi doesn't translate to kh in terms of pronunciation. Khaos is an incorrect transliteration that arises probably from its incorrect English use. Chi is a phonem that doesn't exist in English that leads to an approximation through kh.

I was referring to the deity.

But interesting indeed! It seems I require to revise good ol' IPA again!

 

[Assurbanipal_II]

Come help me. You surely understand too as a Cyrillic user.