Looking for some feedback on my first work.

Jakotheshadows

Active member
Joined
Aug 29, 2019
Messages
28
Points
43
I just started writing about midway through this month on SH and I'm looking for some initial impressions and feedback/suggestions on my story. Some of my glaring worries have been:
- I haven't been feeling too good about the background on my first arc. especially the way I speedran through the initial years.
- I'm not super confident as to my language and grammar.
- I didn't know if the quality was going down as the chapters went on or not.
My story is Chronicles of The Realm Lord
 

HURGMCGURG

That Guy
Joined
Jan 22, 2019
Messages
364
Points
133
Okay, at a first glance at your prologue, this is a formatting and structure cluster fuck. Your paragraphs are too large for all that they contain, and it's one thought into another continuously. This feels like an info dump, and needs to be broken up a little. A good story can give you this information without dumping it into your lap like so, and spread it out so that the information can come up naturally, or they at least don't dump it all on you from the start.

Dialogue cannot be placed into one paragraph like with what you have done. It needs to be broken up into many small paragraphs for it to work.

I understand that you want to get into the meat of your work, but it's best to not jump the gun on these kinds of things. Be patient and write it out.
 
Last edited:

Jakotheshadows

Active member
Joined
Aug 29, 2019
Messages
28
Points
43
Okay, at a first glance at your prologue, this is a formatting and structure cluster fuck. Your paragraphs are too large for all that they contain, and it's one thought into another continuously. This feels like an info dump, and needs to be broken up a little. A good story can give you this information without dumping it into your lap like so, and spread it out so that the information can come up naturally, or they at least don't dump it all on you from the start.

Dialogue cannot be placed into one paragraph like with what you have done. It needs to be broken up into many small paragraphs for it to work.

I understand that you want to get into the meat of your work, but it's best to not jump the gun on these kinds of things. Be patient and write it out.
Thanks, in hindsight the paragraph part at least seems super obvious I’m a knucklehead for not seeing it before this. The info dump part is something I’ve been trying to cut down on consciously but it just isn’t working it would seem.
 
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