Looking for some feedback on my first work

[NagatoSaitou]

Hi all, this is my first web novel. I hope you could read it and give me some feedbacks. I am trying to improve my writing

Synopsis
Rainbow Island, one of the several islands in this world governed by martial artists, is the stage of an incredible event. A newborn infant, Hei, is saved from a tragic ending and raised by a spirit beast spider.

Under these unusual circumstances, Hei ends growing up with the body of a human but the mind of a spirit beast. However, this world is filled with conflicts, and his vision about spirit beast differs by the rest of the world.

So, in order to protect his family, he decides to become a martial artist, beginning a journey that would bring him toward the peak of martial artist society while discovering the concealed story of the world.

Son of the Spirit Beast

Rainbow Island, one of the several islands in this world governed by martial artists, is the stage of an incredible event. A newborn infant, Hei, is saved from a tragic ending and raised by a spirit beast spider. Under these unusual circumstances, Hei ends growing up with the body of...

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[Hathnuz]

I've read the story until chapter 25. The premise is unique and refreshing; it's rare to see a story of a baby raised by a spider and the mc is not reincarnated and/or having op ability right at start. As for grammar, I didn't encounter any glaring problem (maybe because I'm not a native english). Anyway, here's my honest feedback.

• Too many run-on sentences. Almost every paragraph is consisted only 1-2 sentence(s). It's rather annoying to read. Example in chapter 7:

Since it was the only settlement in the eastern side of the forest while Leaf City was on the western side, the village represented the only place where the merchants, who passed by, could buy the various goods deriving from the Multicolored Leaf Forest.

• Too many conjunctions and adverbs in the start of a sentence. Again, it's annoying. It's okay to start a sentence with them but don't repeat them too often.
• The mc is a bit plain because he's lacking an interesting personality. He doesn't have to be a three-dimensional character per se; but at least, give him a distinguishable trait or quirk. Easy (but cliche) examples: perverted, shameless, easily excited, edgy, reckless, dense, etc.

I won't delve into the story aspect because I haven't read enough chapters. That's all for now.

 

[NagatoSaitou]

I've read the story until chapter 25. The premise is unique and refreshing; it's rare to see a story of a baby raised by a spider and the mc is not reincarnated and/or having op ability right at start. As for grammar, I didn't encounter any glaring problem (maybe because I'm not a native english). Anyway, here's my honest feedback.

• Too many run-on sentences. Almost every paragraph is consisted only 1-2 sentence(s). It's rather annoying to read. Example in chapter 7:

• Too many conjunctions and adverbs in the start of a sentence. Again, it's annoying. It's okay to start a sentence with them but don't repeat them too often.
• The mc is a bit plain because he's lacking an interesting personality. He doesn't have to be a three-dimensional character per se; but at least, give him a distinguishable trait or quirk. Easy (but cliche) examples: perverted, shameless, easily excited, edgy, reckless, dense, etc.

I won't delve into the story aspect because I haven't read enough chapters. That's all for now.

Thanks for reading my work. Regarding Run-on sentences and conjunctions/adverbs, I’ve already noticed. I am currently trying to improve my writing with every chapter I write.

As for the mc, you are right he could appear a bit plain but that’s because he isn’t reincarnated and he had lived in an enclosure environments for the most of his life (he is only 12 at chapter 25). He had yet to develop completely his character. It would be developed throughout the story. I prefer doing that way rather than cliches because it wouldn’t suite with the type of environment he had been living and his background. So yes, the story has a slow start but keep progressing the more chapters you read and you would see more about MC personality