Looking for the SPICIEST synopsis...

clover2218

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My new series is out, but I'm lacking a synopsis with a proper punch. I'm no good at writing them. Here are the few versions of the synopsis I cooked up...

1. Chitra lived in a world of darkness. Life in that darkness was mundane and content until an accident lit a desire in her heart.
A desire for the light she never cared much about before, a desire that was supposed to be hopeless.
Finitum, a unique full dive VRMMORPG, gave her that opportunity, a chance to fulfil her desire, to bloom a spark of light in her world of darkness.
But was Finitum really a simple game as she and the rest of the world believed? Or was there something more to it?


2. Chitra blamed herself. Her carelessness, her foolishness and her inability, they were the cause of her mother’s accident, that’s what she believed. If only she could see it, then maybe…
But she knew that was impossible. The world of darkness was her cage, a cage she couldn’t break. At least, that was what she believed until she was introduced to Finitum, the unique full dive VRMMORPG that was taking the world by storm. There, a new life, a new light bloomed for her.
But was Finitum really a simple game as she and the rest of the world believed? Or was there something more to it?

3. This is the story of Chitra. A girl born blind, living her life in a world of darkness. This is a story of her and Finitum. The unique full dive VRMMORPG that brought a new beginning to her life, brought her new meetings, partings, emotions and adventure. A game that made light bloom in her dark world.
Join her in her journeys through the mysterious and magic-filled game that changed her life! The game…

The game...

Is Finitum really just a simple game? (this is the one I'm using right now)

4. (This is suggested by Nahrenne. I like it the most, but if it could be even better...)


Chitra, a girl born void of sight, existing without knowing light.
Finitum, a unique full dive VRMMORPG that's the latest craze around the world.
Together, a new story is born. One of new meetings, partings, emotions, adventure and - most important of all - of a shining world full of colour and life.
Follow Chitra on her journey of magic and mystery within the game.
However, can things really be so simple?
...
Welcome to Finitum!



These are all that I have. I'm looking for a sense of danger and atmosphere, also to raise the stakes a bit to make it more interesting. Feel free to ask me anything you need to know about the story if you're willing to help me improve it...

And for the last bit, here's the link to my story. Can't end it without that, can I???
 

weakwithwords

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  1. Chitra, blind and naive
  2. Finitum, newest vrmmorpg fad
  3. ???
  4. PROFIT!

Seriously, you'll have more freedom to change or fix your story later if your synopsis isn't too revealing.
 

Polarize4777

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She sees nothing for a majority of her life, but what is a girl to do when she is present with an opportunity to see more wonders than her wildest imagination can gather. Adventures that will rock the lands, and certainly knock one out of their casket if so much as a whisper of such an epic journey were to be retold. Her journey start with the latest VRMMORPG game name Finitum, where magics and swords shall clash with more on the bargain table than most who play it are aware off. The story of Chitra and her adventures to the lands of Finitum and its color fill world is but a mere step away with but only a turn of a page.
 

K5Rakitan

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Seriously, you'll have more freedom to change or fix your story later if your synopsis isn't too revealing.
This is excellent advice!
When I first released my story on other platforms, I just summarized the first three chapters for the blurb. Then, as the story progressed, I got some much better ideas on how to rewrite it. I may rewrite it again as more develops, but I'm happy with what I have at the moment.

My advice is to cut all passive language and any unnecessary words. Characters are limited on many platforms, and even when the characters aren't limited, only so many get displayed to potential readers, and you need to catch their attention as quickly as possible.

Here's mine:
When CEO Seto Kaiba propositions Joan, she expects a one-night stand, but he and his brother keep coming back for more. Now the Kaiba brothers want an heir from her and will pay any price to get it. How do Joan’s husband and boyfriend feel about her new profession? More importantly, how do they handle public scrutiny?
 
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