Looking to get some feedback on my story

[UndyingEmbers]

Hi, everyone! I've been working on a paranormal story called Eraser. I was hoping that some of you could read it and give me some feedback. In particular is the synopsis good? Does the story draw you in? Does the main character have enough depth?

Any feedback is appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this. :)

Link to the story: Eraser

 

[steve2116]

I can't offer advice since I am completely new to the writing scene and am pretty bad at it, but I have read the synopsis and first chapter. It seems pretty good so far and depending on where the story leads I might continue reading it (as in personal choice). Keep up the good work and I look forword to reading more.

 

[Wintertime]

The story is nice, but your pacing is jumbled. Focus on certain events with more detail, and transition your scenes a bit smoother. Other than that, good premise, good writing, and im interested to see where it goes. It's too early to say for sure if your characters have depth, but it's a solid start.

 

[UndyingEmbers]

The story is nice, but your pacing is jumbled. Focus on certain events with more detail, and transition your scenes a bit smoother. Other than that, good premise, good writing, and im interested to see where it goes. It's too early to say for sure if your characters have depth, but it's a solid start.

Thanks for the feedback. I really appreciate it. I'll try to work on making smoother scene transitions and try to keep up a consistent level of detail.

 

[Kotohood]

I've read all four chapters. Grammar is great. The premise is interesting. In terms of writing, there is nothing much for me to say here.

In terms of storytelling, I do have a few things I noticed when reading the story.

Something felt off from the beginning until the end of chapter 4. I can't exactly figure out why but everything just feels... too serene? Too calm perhaps? I don't really feel her emotions, her excitement, or her panic. Nor did I felt her guilt nor her hubris. It's there but it didn't impact me as much as I would like.

The story feels very fast and very slow at different times. Like the first chapter where the kids are watching Spongebob. They were watching like the opening of the episode when the mom calls them and then Lily who was super excited to watch SpongeBob immediately went over to the table. This strikes me as odd. Did the kids watch the episode till the end? Or are they good children? I feel like there needs to be something there.

Overall, it was a pretty enjoyable read. It's an excellent story(so far). I hope you don't mind me nitpicking a bit here and there.

 

[UndyingEmbers]

I've read all four chapters. Grammar is great. The premise is interesting. In terms of writing, there is nothing much for me to say here.

In terms of storytelling, I do have a few things I noticed when reading the story.

Something felt off from the beginning until the end of chapter 4. I can't exactly figure out why but everything just feels... too serene? Too calm perhaps? I don't really feel her emotions, her excitement, or her panic. Nor did I felt her guilt nor her hubris. It's there but it didn't impact me as much as I would like.

The story feels very fast and very slow at different times. Like the first chapter where the kids are watching Spongebob. They were watching like the opening of the episode when the mom calls them and then Lily who was super excited to watch SpongeBob immediately went over to the table. This strikes me as odd. Did the kids watch the episode till the end? Or are they good children? I feel like there needs to be something there.

Overall, it was a pretty enjoyable read. It's an excellent story(so far). I hope you don't mind me nitpicking a bit here and there.

Thanks for the feedback. I think that I have a hard time with the pacing in this one. It makes sense that Lily would probably need to be dragged away from her cartoons since she was so excited about it. I should work on making her emotions a little stronger. I used to have a prologue that started a few months ahead of where she first gains her powers and there is a government agency after her. I felt like it was a strong chapter, but it was in the wrong place.

Anyway, I'll keep those things in mind when I continue the story and see if I can go back and tweak a few things here and there. Thanks so much for taking the time to read the story, the feedback is invaluable!

 

[sage61]

The synopsis is very intriguing. Haven't got to read the chapters yet but I kinda wish the chapters are numbered since that way, I'll be able to see how much chapters are updated with reading list.

 

[UndyingEmbers]

The synopsis is very intriguing. Haven't got to read the chapters yet but I kinda wish the chapters are numbered since that way, I'll be able to see how much chapters are updated with reading list.

Good suggestion. I'll number the chapters as well as give them titles. :)