Me, whining.

[CL]

Help me. Please, help me. It hasn't been hours, or days, months, but years wasted doing the mundane. I have lived. That is it. I want to write, be an author of something, but ever time I look at the screen to type something up, I look away. It hurts. Mom used to call it "square eyes" from looking at the TV all day long. It isn't a TV, but it still counts as being glued to the screen. This has to be triggered psychologically, but the pain absolutely feels physical. I feel it. I take painkillers to get better. I don't know how many. You know those powdered Goody's of aspirin? I go through a fifty count box in a month. What in the ever loving fuck is wrong with me? No idea. I just want to write what is in my head or it will keep replaying (with slight variations) until I... I don't know. I'll go mad? Let's go with that for now.

This is not a lack of motivation. I have it. I want to write. I have an idea to write. I play over the scenes and speak the words I could be writing down. I just can't physically do it. What... This? Am I writing right now? Yes. Yes I am. Funny, right? I can do this, speak to somebody, but when I play Make Believe my head is going to explode!

What do I need to do? I don't have a family healthcare provider, but I figure they'd put me on some medication anyways. I'm already medicating myself. I know somebody who only has to grip a handheld device, thumb a button, and be injected with morphine. They sleep all day, sometimes drink, but when they eat, they throw it right back up. Liquid diet. Now that person needed and got real help. I just want to write without it being painful.

If there is someone out there that deals with this kind of pain, please, tell me what you do to get over it? Do I just have to man up? I've tried. I got some writing done, but I don't think it is the best when my focus wasn't entirely on the work.

You know... I don't know if I really want to post this. I need to ask somebody, but, here, really? Is this the best place? Doubt it. Yeah, I'm making it out this is writing related, but, taking in the big picture, not even close. I shouldn't share problems like this with a community not advertising this specific kind of help. That would be like exposing your sexual desires in a roleplaying group. Damn, that would be awkward as fuck.

What I will do, right now, is stop drinking, grab some water, get some sleep, and see what tomorrow brings. Maybe I'll give writing another shot during my weekend off. Who knows, I might get down to writing, and, maybe, it will be painless. We'll see.

 

[gaylolis]

does it only happen when you look at a screen? if you want to write, you can just grab a notebook and write it down, maybe ask someone to help you type it up if you want to post it online.

 

[CL]

does it only happen when you look at a screen? if you want to write, you can just grab a notebook and write it down, maybe ask someone to help you type it up if you want to post it online.

That is not a bad idea. I will see if there are any willing bodies who'd subject themselves to my imagination. Oh. Oh god. That means I might have to read over what they type to be sure they got it right. Ha, that will be interesting. I'll give it a shot. Thank you, gaylolis.

 

[Nanakawaichan]

Does that also apply when you typing on the phone? Try to think about what you are going to write and type in the phone notes per one short paragraph-take a break-repeat.

 

[CL]

Sadly, I do not own a phone. I stopped carrying one around when my family were, conveniently, calling me to pick more and more items up from wherever whenever I was outside the house. That was, like, oh, I don't know. Ten or, maybe, more years ago? But, yeah, I will see if jotting down a little and breaking can be a better take than what I've done. Thank you, Nanakawaichan.

 

[AliceShiki]

Maybe try going to a psychologist? There has to be a reason why you have a problem when writing a novel, but not when writing in a forum.

Also, what Gaylolis said, you could write the whole novel in a notebook and ask someone you trust to type it out for you.

 

[Deleted member 22388]

When it comes to such problems involving mental problems uh... I'm very brutal with my solutions. But it did work with some disadvantages.
The easiest first solution is calm your mind,
Then if you cannot stop until the last momment of your effort(that means you can't do it) then ignore your thougths completely until you make it unexistent. So sounds in your head is quite like the empty void atleast put inside your mind an imaginery bird chirping in a forest to not feel alone/a pet dog or cat that you could able to invisibly hug it and cuddle all day

(The last solution will be kept with me, I can tell it's not helpful when you lose something so important.... in yourself I mean)

And yes I do have such problems but why think too much on your mind then what is infront of your eye....(I will leave this sentence alone and will be unfinished)

when you said something about looking at the tv all day. Wouldn't you be frying your eyes. Or. Or... You have this thing called migraine that is "fragile to lights and make your head hurts". Pls read this paragraph 3x to make sure you understand.

One last note: Don't take my word serious and if I wrongly answered, then sorry my understanding is sometimes misleading that I don't answer the real point.

That is all my friend, I hope it will help you on your journey to being something bahahhaa.
"Ok" as I said tidying up my fallen wet suit going to the opposite direction leaving you behind while also showing my smile and wave you with my floating up back right hand...(uguu.. this is hard to describe) until to the point you have lost my sight.

 

[CL]

Maybe try going to a psychologist? There has to be a reason why you have a problem when writing a novel, but not when writing in a forum.

Also, what Gaylolis said, you could write the whole novel in a notebook and ask someone you trust to type it out for you.

What I would need to acquire first is a family healthcare provider. This would be for financial support. The doc could send a recommendation that would back up my claim that I'm not wasting the Psyches time. It is a good idea. I need to take a few steps to get there first.

When it comes to such problems involving mental problems uh... I'm very brutal with my solutions. But it did work with some disadvantages.
The easiest first solution is calm your mind,
Then if you cannot stop until the last momment of your effort(that means you can't do it) then ignore your thougths completely until you make it unexistent. So sounds in your head is quite like the empty void atleast put inside your mind an imaginery bird chirping in a forest to not feel alone/a pet dog or cat that you could able to invisibly hug it and cuddle all day

(The last solution will be kept with me, I can tell it's not helpful when you lose something so important.... in yourself I mean)

And yes I do have such problems but why think too much on your mind then what is infront of your eye....(I will leave this sentence alone and will be unfinished)

when you said something about looking at the tv all day. Wouldn't you be frying your eyes. Or. Or... You have this thing called migraine that is "fragile to lights and make your head hurts". Pls read this paragraph 3x to make sure you understand.

One last note: Don't take my word serious and if I wrongly answered, then sorry my understanding is sometimes misleading that I don't answer the real point.

That is all my friend, I hope it will help you on your journey to being something bahahhaa.
"Ok" as I said tidying up my fallen wet suit going to the opposite direction leaving you behind while also showing my smile and wave you with my floating up back right hand...(uguu.. this is hard to describe) until to the point you have lost my sight.

This reminds me of when somebody tried to hypnotize me. I'll give it a shot and see what it does.

 

[AliceShiki]

What I would need to acquire first is a family healthcare provider. This would be for financial support. The doc could send a recommendation that would back up my claim that I'm not wasting the Psyches time. It is a good idea. I need to take a few steps to get there first.

I don't think any psychologist would ever think a patient is wasting their time... If they think so, they're a terrible professional and you should never visit them again.

 

[CL]

I don't think any psychologist would ever think a patient is wasting their time... If they think so, they're a terrible professional and you should never visit them again.

That happened. I had an experience with those exact results. That was when I happened to be a kid and my mom was none too pleased with the conversation. This was after my evaluation for whatever they thought I had (I guess I didn't have "it"). Not to go too deep into those details, but back in the 90s, I was invited into a testing group, stayed at a hotel, and was interviewed and experimented on. That was the first and last time I ever experienced mental exhaustion. Dear god, I still remember how I was too tired to sleep. Here, I want you to imagine being told to do something as a kid. Try holding eye contact on a single spot for two hours. When I was told to do that (remember, a child), I thought they meant constant eye contact. I didn't blink. And this was done while they ran... I can't remember if it was an MRI or what, but I was laid on my back and had my head in some loud thingy that took pictures of my brain activity during that torture. But, yeah, I wasn't what they were looking for and, after we returned home, we got a phone call that boiled down to us having wasted their time.

 

[A.P.R.L.]

That happened. I had an experience with those exact results. That was when I happened to be a kid and my mom was none too pleased with the conversation. This was after my evaluation for whatever they thought I had (I guess I didn't have "it"). Not to go too deep into those details, but back in the 90s, I was invited into a testing group, stayed at a hotel, and was interviewed and experimented on. That was the first and last time I ever experienced mental exhaustion. Dear god, I still remember how I was too tired to sleep. Here, I want you to imagine being told to do something as a kid. Try holding eye contact on a single spot for two hours. When I was told to do that (remember, a child), I thought they meant constant eye contact. I didn't blink. And this was done while they ran... I can't remember if it was an MRI or what, but I was laid on my back and had my head in some loud thingy that took pictures of my brain activity during that torture. But, yeah, I wasn't what they were looking for and, after we returned home, we got a phone call that boiled down to us having wasted their time.

What incredible a**holes. The ones who wasted their time were you. I get the bad experiences with psychologists. When I was a child I was very quiet and almost didn't talk with anyone. Because obviously a quiet child it's unheard of, in the time I spent from first to ninth grade I passed through seven different school psychologists and they all told me there was something wrong with me (it's not like, you know, a child can just be shy or something?) and one even told me I was a lost cause and if I kept being antisocial and didn't want to form long-time relationships with others (it's not like I didn't want to, I was just shy! And bullied, which teachers never seemed to notice) one day I would grab a gun, come to school and mass-shoot everyone.

But then when I became older and I could finally choose my own psychologists (I passed for something similar to you, just I was diagnosed with depression) everything went smoother. I took medication, I went to therapy and little by little everything became better. I even got my love for writing back! So I think mental health professionals can be a real help if they are good and take their job seriously, not wanting you to fit in the small box they made for you but actually listening and understanding you as a person.

 

[AliceShiki]

That happened. I had an experience with those exact results. That was when I happened to be a kid and my mom was none too pleased with the conversation. This was after my evaluation for whatever they thought I had (I guess I didn't have "it"). Not to go too deep into those details, but back in the 90s, I was invited into a testing group, stayed at a hotel, and was interviewed and experimented on. That was the first and last time I ever experienced mental exhaustion. Dear god, I still remember how I was too tired to sleep. Here, I want you to imagine being told to do something as a kid. Try holding eye contact on a single spot for two hours. When I was told to do that (remember, a child), I thought they meant constant eye contact. I didn't blink. And this was done while they ran... I can't remember if it was an MRI or what, but I was laid on my back and had my head in some loud thingy that took pictures of my brain activity during that torture. But, yeah, I wasn't what they were looking for and, after we returned home, we got a phone call that boiled down to us having wasted their time.

What incredible a**holes. The ones who wasted their time were you. I get the bad experiences with psychologists. When I was a child I was very quiet and almost didn't talk with anyone. Because obviously a quiet child it's unheard of, in the time I spent from first to ninth grade I passed through seven different school psychologists and they all told me there was something wrong with me (it's not like, you know, a child can just be shy or something?) and one even told me I was a lost cause and if I kept being antisocial and didn't want to form long-time relationships with others (it's not like I didn't want to, I was just shy! And bullied, which teachers never seemed to notice) one day I would grab a gun, come to school and mass-shoot everyone.

But then when I became older and I could finally choose my own psychologists (I passed for something similar to you, just I was diagnosed with depression) everything went smoother. I took medication, I went to therapy and little by little everything became better. I even got my love for writing back! So I think mental health professionals can be a real help if they are good and take their job seriously, not wanting you to fit in the small box they made for you but actually listening and understanding you as a person.

Well, I'm really sorry you two had those horrible experiences with terrible professionals.

On a side note though, psychologists shouldn't do that kind of experiment nor be able to give medication, nor be able to diagnosis depression AFAIK? You sure they weren't psychiatrists?

They were still horrible professionals nonetheless though, I hope you never have to deal with those types of people again! >.<

 

[A.P.R.L.]

Well, I'm really sorry you two had those horrible experiences with terrible professionals.

On a side note though, psychologists shouldn't do that kind of experiment nor be able to give medication, nor be able to diagnosis depression AFAIK? You sure they weren't psychiatrists?

They were still horrible professionals nonetheless though, I hope you never have to deal with those types of people again! >.<

My apologies. I forgot to mention in the second part of my story that I went first to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist diagnosed me and gave me medication, and then derived me to a psychologist she recommended once I told her of my bad experiences with psychologists.

As for psychologists doing experiments. As far as I know, while it's not common today, there was a time in the past when they had too much free reign with patients, but don't take my word for it, as I'm not really sure and I'm too lazy right now to investigate.

 

[AliceShiki]

My apologies. I forgot to mention in the second part of my story that I went first to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist diagnosed me and gave me medication, and then derived me to a psychologist she recommended once I told her of my bad experiences with psychologists.

As for psychologists doing experiments. As far as I know, while it's not common today, there was a time in the past when they had too much free reign with patients, but don't take my word for it, as I'm not really sure and I'm too lazy right now to investigate.

Oh, I never investigated anything about it either, I just never heard of any doing stuff like that, so... >.<

At least you found a good psychiatrist to help you! \(^^)/