CL
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jan 30, 2020
- Messages
- 507
- Points
- 133
Help me. Please, help me. It hasn't been hours, or days, months, but years wasted doing the mundane. I have lived. That is it. I want to write, be an author of something, but ever time I look at the screen to type something up, I look away. It hurts. Mom used to call it "square eyes" from looking at the TV all day long. It isn't a TV, but it still counts as being glued to the screen. This has to be triggered psychologically, but the pain absolutely feels physical. I feel it. I take painkillers to get better. I don't know how many. You know those powdered Goody's of aspirin? I go through a fifty count box in a month. What in the ever loving fuck is wrong with me? No idea. I just want to write what is in my head or it will keep replaying (with slight variations) until I... I don't know. I'll go mad? Let's go with that for now.
This is not a lack of motivation. I have it. I want to write. I have an idea to write. I play over the scenes and speak the words I could be writing down. I just can't physically do it. What... This? Am I writing right now? Yes. Yes I am. Funny, right? I can do this, speak to somebody, but when I play Make Believe my head is going to explode!
What do I need to do? I don't have a family healthcare provider, but I figure they'd put me on some medication anyways. I'm already medicating myself. I know somebody who only has to grip a handheld device, thumb a button, and be injected with morphine. They sleep all day, sometimes drink, but when they eat, they throw it right back up. Liquid diet. Now that person needed and got real help. I just want to write without it being painful.
If there is someone out there that deals with this kind of pain, please, tell me what you do to get over it? Do I just have to man up? I've tried. I got some writing done, but I don't think it is the best when my focus wasn't entirely on the work.
You know... I don't know if I really want to post this. I need to ask somebody, but, here, really? Is this the best place? Doubt it. Yeah, I'm making it out this is writing related, but, taking in the big picture, not even close. I shouldn't share problems like this with a community not advertising this specific kind of help. That would be like exposing your sexual desires in a roleplaying group. Damn, that would be awkward as fuck.
What I will do, right now, is stop drinking, grab some water, get some sleep, and see what tomorrow brings. Maybe I'll give writing another shot during my weekend off. Who knows, I might get down to writing, and, maybe, it will be painless. We'll see.
This is not a lack of motivation. I have it. I want to write. I have an idea to write. I play over the scenes and speak the words I could be writing down. I just can't physically do it. What... This? Am I writing right now? Yes. Yes I am. Funny, right? I can do this, speak to somebody, but when I play Make Believe my head is going to explode!
What do I need to do? I don't have a family healthcare provider, but I figure they'd put me on some medication anyways. I'm already medicating myself. I know somebody who only has to grip a handheld device, thumb a button, and be injected with morphine. They sleep all day, sometimes drink, but when they eat, they throw it right back up. Liquid diet. Now that person needed and got real help. I just want to write without it being painful.
If there is someone out there that deals with this kind of pain, please, tell me what you do to get over it? Do I just have to man up? I've tried. I got some writing done, but I don't think it is the best when my focus wasn't entirely on the work.
You know... I don't know if I really want to post this. I need to ask somebody, but, here, really? Is this the best place? Doubt it. Yeah, I'm making it out this is writing related, but, taking in the big picture, not even close. I shouldn't share problems like this with a community not advertising this specific kind of help. That would be like exposing your sexual desires in a roleplaying group. Damn, that would be awkward as fuck.
What I will do, right now, is stop drinking, grab some water, get some sleep, and see what tomorrow brings. Maybe I'll give writing another shot during my weekend off. Who knows, I might get down to writing, and, maybe, it will be painless. We'll see.