- Nov 7, 2020
Thanks for the pointers. Yeah, I based my writing style on physical novels. I do have a hard copy of Mahouka and Black Bullet volumes by my side when writing some chapters and comparing my prose. Oh, and The Isolator.Hmm, I feel like it's hard for me to give any specific advice! I think your technical ability as a writer is probably better than mine, so likewise I don't have a lot of helpful things to say. Either way is probably fine.
I mean, personally, I have a weaker attention span and sometimes don't get through the entirety of someone's chapter one if it's too dense. I think it's different with physical novels (hardcopy light novels tend to have longer chapters than webnovels), but I think there may be a difference in the way that people approach novels online and offline. In the online world of webnovels, it's probably ideal to capture the reader's attention in their first sitting... because if they walk away, they might not come back. Faster-paced novels arguably do better online too.
That said I don't think you have any pacing issue. The pacing of your writing is good.
I think for (low-attention-span) me, the issue was that I started getting bored, I guess.
The premise didn't quite grab me, and the characters/dynamic didn't seem interesting enough to make up for it.
Like if I think about anime/stories that I like, Made in Abyss, Re:Zero, Bunny Girl Senpai, Grimgar, I think they definitely hooked me for having a really unique and intriguing premise. For anime/novels that weren't like that (Oregairu, Sakurasou, Chuunibyou), the characters were essential for making the story special, and a lot of people found the themes very relatable in Oregairu.
I think with your story we maybe floated past too many characters without really feeling invested in any particular one.
Now that I think about it, a lot of anime use some kind of gimmick to make their heroine stand out like a sore thumb. If the protagonist is dull, the the heroine needs to sparkle. Bunny Girl Senpai literally has the heroine walk around in a bunny suit after all..... Senjougahara uses a stapler on the protagonist's mouth.....
In contrast, the transfer student scenario feels kind of dull? Maybe a little good with self-defense? But up to where I read, that was it.
Will be looking at the characters when I do a bit of rework once everything's done. I think that's the route I prefer to go to with my story over the big hook one.
Just to add a bit more flair to the characters like you said. I did realize that I lacked a "gimmick" for the characters. Well, the Mc's an otaku and pretty self-conscious of the genre he's in but that's barely unique nowadays haha. As for the heroine, she does have her quirks but looking at it, we do get to know her more. She gets some more personality a chapter or two after where you stopped but that's a bit too late it seems.