Motsu
Game Lead Programmer x WebAppSoft
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2020
- Messages
- 1,096
- Points
- 153
I read your prologue and here is my take on it:
The story suffers from one-dimensional characters lacking depth, inconsistent tone shifts, unrealistic reactions, unclear transitions, and an unsatisfying resolution. It heavily relies on telling rather than showing, leading to a lack of emotional connection with the characters. Overall, the potential is there, but significant improvements are needed for a compelling and enjoyable read.
If you want me to be more specific about your story, then here:
*Note that since I've only read the prologue, most of what I am about to say might have already been fixed so focus on what haven't.*
The characters in the story are one-dimensional and lack depth. The grave robbers are portrayed as generic, fearful thieves, and the antagonist is a typical villain without any clear motivation or backstory. Developing the characters would have made their actions and decisions more believable and relatable.
The story struggles with maintaining a consistent tone. It starts with a tense and mysterious atmosphere as the robbers are in danger, but suddenly shifts to an almost comical scene when they discover the valuable jewel. Then, the antagonist's arrival and the ensuing horror with the corpses further disrupt the tone. The abrupt changes make it difficult for readers to immerse themselves in the story.
The grave robbers' reaction to finding a mysterious jewel in a cave filled with danger is unrealistic. They get carried away with excitement and celebration despite the obvious danger surrounding them. Such reactions make it hard for readers to empathize with the characters and take the story seriously.
The narrative suffers from a lack of clear transitions and connections between events. The sudden appearance of the antagonist and the power he gains from the jewel feel rushed and underdeveloped. The story could benefit from better pacing and explanations to create a more engaging and coherent narrative.
The story builds tension as the robbers face the consequences of their actions, but the resolution is unsatisfying and predictable. The antagonist's abilities and powers are too conveniently introduced and easily overpower the grave robbers, making the climax feel anticlimactic.
The story relies heavily on telling rather than showing the events and emotions, leading to a lack of immersion and emotional connection with the characters. Using more descriptive language and allowing readers to experience the events through the characters' actions and feelings would improve the overall storytelling.
The grave robbers' fate is grim and cruel, but their lack of development and unrelatable reactions make it challenging for readers to feel empathy or invest in their outcome. Readers need a reason to care about the characters, even if they are morally flawed.
In conclusion, the story has potential with its intriguing premise and dark themes, but it needs significant improvements in character development, tone consistency, coherence, conflict resolution, and emotional engagement to be more compelling and enjoyable for readers.
The characters in the story are one-dimensional and lack depth. The grave robbers are portrayed as generic, fearful thieves, and the antagonist is a typical villain without any clear motivation or backstory. Developing the characters would have made their actions and decisions more believable and relatable.
The story struggles with maintaining a consistent tone. It starts with a tense and mysterious atmosphere as the robbers are in danger, but suddenly shifts to an almost comical scene when they discover the valuable jewel. Then, the antagonist's arrival and the ensuing horror with the corpses further disrupt the tone. The abrupt changes make it difficult for readers to immerse themselves in the story.
The grave robbers' reaction to finding a mysterious jewel in a cave filled with danger is unrealistic. They get carried away with excitement and celebration despite the obvious danger surrounding them. Such reactions make it hard for readers to empathize with the characters and take the story seriously.
The narrative suffers from a lack of clear transitions and connections between events. The sudden appearance of the antagonist and the power he gains from the jewel feel rushed and underdeveloped. The story could benefit from better pacing and explanations to create a more engaging and coherent narrative.
The story builds tension as the robbers face the consequences of their actions, but the resolution is unsatisfying and predictable. The antagonist's abilities and powers are too conveniently introduced and easily overpower the grave robbers, making the climax feel anticlimactic.
The story relies heavily on telling rather than showing the events and emotions, leading to a lack of immersion and emotional connection with the characters. Using more descriptive language and allowing readers to experience the events through the characters' actions and feelings would improve the overall storytelling.
The grave robbers' fate is grim and cruel, but their lack of development and unrelatable reactions make it challenging for readers to feel empathy or invest in their outcome. Readers need a reason to care about the characters, even if they are morally flawed.
In conclusion, the story has potential with its intriguing premise and dark themes, but it needs significant improvements in character development, tone consistency, coherence, conflict resolution, and emotional engagement to be more compelling and enjoyable for readers.
