My Sister The Villainess

[Ophious]

Synopsis:
Tell me, what does one do when they discover they were reincarnated into an Otome game as the villainess’ playboy older brother?

Of course I had always been aware of my situation as a reincarnated person, but it was only when my sister’s engagement to the Crown Prince was announced that I finally encountered a piece of my first life after all these years.

I thought, “Hey, this is exactly the same situation as that Otome game I was playing that day!”

But wait. My sister becomes the evil, hated villainess whose fate doesn’t ends well at all, you say? As if I’d allow that!

The protagonist wants to steal your man and ruin you? Too arrogant! This daddy(brother) will mess her up good!

I’ll completely crush all the people that want to harm my precious, adorable little sister!

Just fall in love with the Crown Prince and achieve your happiness, my sweet sister!

This is such a story.

…Except my sister seems to be a blooming bro-con? And the heroine keeps looking at me funny…

The prologue was soon good I wouldn't even complain if it got extended to 10 chapters, the mc and the father are idiots and I admire them both for being so honest with themselves!
Made by cupcake ninja so expect some smut but he'll warn you in the chapter title so for those that don't like smut can still read it and not have to go through it!

 

[Ophious]

Day is apparently feared and even has an alliance made out of other noble children that want to see him kneel, but all attempts have ended in failure

 

[Raneday]

Was it a good read?

 

[Anon2.0]

Was it a good read?

It’s good for what it has so far imo

 

[Arcturus]

It's decent. I'm not a fan of how he's been jumping perspectives recently. It's making for a more tedious story and making it flow much worse.

 

[Anon2.0]

It's decent. I'm not a fan of how he's been jumping perspectives recently. It's making for a more tedious story and making it flow much worse.

I agree, sticking with one perspective is usually the best. The first time it was done I didn’t think it was too bad but it’s kind of a bit much now.

 

[Arcturus]

I agree, sticking with one perspective is usually the best. The first time it was done I didn’t think it was too bad but it’s kind of a bit much now.

It's problematic imo since it's a first person story and establishing the one main voice is really the most important thing in these novels. Having side stories every now and then to humorously show other perspectives is fine, but it feels like it's too much and too early here.

 

[Anon2.0]

It's problematic imo since it's a first person story and establishing the one main voice is really the most important thing in these novels. Having side stories every now and then to humorously show other perspectives is fine, but it feels like it's too much and too early here.

My thoughts exactly! Nice!

 

[CupcakeNinja]

It's problematic imo since it's a first person story and establishing the one main voice is really the most important thing in these novels. Having side stories every now and then to humorously show other perspectives is fine, but it feels like it's too much and too early here.

So did i. Actually the first POV change was supposed to be later on down the line, and from Dolly's perspective and i really am considering just removing the chapters because Damien already rehashes everything anyway in the chapter after those. And i feel making the first change in perspective be Dolly's would be the most fitting too, for several reasons. But now that I think of it maybe i should just make those chapters seperate from the main story like someone sort of suggested? Not special chapters, but optional side story sorta deals? Yeah....I think that could work. But not here. Webnovel. I wonder if they would be good to put in the auxiliary volumes? I'd delete the chapters from here i think and perhaps just direct people to the auxiliary. I'll prolly just have to make a few changes to the content if anything Or just keep them and list the chapters as side story whatever. But i dont want them cluttering the main chapter table of contents so thats why i'd want them seperate. I'd like Dolly's to be part of the main story but everyone else would go in the auxiliary. Yay or nay?

 

[Fossil]

So did i. Actually the first POV change was supposed to be later on down the line, and from Dolly's perspective and i really am considering just removing the chapters because Damien already rehashes everything anyway in the chapter after those. And i feel making the first change in perspective be Dolly's would be the most fitting too, for several reasons. But now that I think of it maybe i should just make those chapters seperate from the main story like someone sort of suggested? Not special chapters, but optional side story sorta deals? Yeah....I think that could work. But not here. Webnovel. I wonder if they would be good to put in the auxiliary volumes? I'd delete the chapters from here i think and perhaps just direct people to the auxiliary. I'll prolly just have to make a few changes to the content if anything Or just keep them and list the chapters as side story whatever. But i dont want them cluttering the main chapter table of contents so thats why i'd want them seperate. I'd like Dolly's to be part of the main story but everyone else would go in the auxiliary. Yay or nay?

Or you could make a suggestion to Tony to implement an auxiliary volume?

 

[Ophious]

So did i. Actually the first POV change was supposed to be later on down the line, and from Dolly's perspective and i really am considering just removing the chapters because Damien already rehashes everything anyway in the chapter after those. And i feel making the first change in perspective be Dolly's would be the most fitting too, for several reasons. But now that I think of it maybe i should just make those chapters seperate from the main story like someone sort of suggested? Not special chapters, but optional side story sorta deals? Yeah....I think that could work. But not here. Webnovel. I wonder if they would be good to put in the auxiliary volumes? I'd delete the chapters from here i think and perhaps just direct people to the auxiliary. I'll prolly just have to make a few changes to the content if anything Or just keep them and list the chapters as side story whatever. But i dont want them cluttering the main chapter table of contents so thats why i'd want them seperate. I'd like Dolly's to be part of the main story but everyone else would go in the auxiliary. Yay or nay?

Couldn't you make an entirely new series dedicated to only those side stories? I'm pretty you're allowed that much freedom on scribbly

 

[Arcturus]

So did i. Actually the first POV change was supposed to be later on down the line, and from Dolly's perspective and i really am considering just removing the chapters because Damien already rehashes everything anyway in the chapter after those. And i feel making the first change in perspective be Dolly's would be the most fitting too, for several reasons. But now that I think of it maybe i should just make those chapters seperate from the main story like someone sort of suggested? Not special chapters, but optional side story sorta deals? Yeah....I think that could work. But not here. Webnovel. I wonder if they would be good to put in the auxiliary volumes? I'd delete the chapters from here i think and perhaps just direct people to the auxiliary. I'll prolly just have to make a few changes to the content if anything Or just keep them and list the chapters as side story whatever. But i dont want them cluttering the main chapter table of contents so thats why i'd want them seperate. I'd like Dolly's to be part of the main story but everyone else would go in the auxiliary. Yay or nay?

It definitely needs some sort of reorganization. And having one side perspective is fine, but you got to three within ten chapters and even wrote a chapter with mixed perspectives. That's kinda chaotic for a novel that had been solely first-person perspective up to that point.

Which leads me to my next point. I'm not the biggest fan to how you introduced the latest chapter. It's a clear third person omniscient perspective. Part of what I enjoy about your story is that Damien, while clever, is still oblivious to some of the most obvious things until much later and we can see that something's going on, but not exactly what. I think the revelation of what's really going on fits better happening later on in the chapter.

 

[CupcakeNinja]

It definitely needs some sort of reorganization. And having one side perspective is fine, but you got to three within ten chapters and even wrote a chapter with mixed perspectives. That's kinda chaotic for a novel that had been solely first-person perspective up to that point.

Which leads me to my next point. I'm not the biggest fan to how you introduced the latest chapter. It's a clear third person omniscient perspective. Part of what I enjoy about your story is that Damien, while clever, is still oblivious to some of the most obvious things until much later and we can see that something's going on, but not exactly what. I think the revelation of what's really going on fits better happening later on in the chapter.

i already made changes, go check it out. I wanted to seperate them entirely but i couldnt so i just moved things around and changed some titles, let me know what you think. Also i did have reasons for making it third person. I kinda dont want to since they would sound like excuses, but since i've known you a long while....well lemme explain the thought process i had on that one a bit:
1) I didnt think it was an important reveal at all so it didnt matter that we knew about it beforehand since you can tell i mainly glossed over it anyway. If it was a way longer chapter or it was going to be multiple chapters before it was revealed then i'd have done it different, but that wasnt the case here. Wasnt a reason to keep the readers themselves in the dark, you see.
2) There is a character i thought to introduce early, who'll appear later on. You might be able to guess the approximate relationship if you paid a bit of attention to his actions.
3)When writing it the first time i felt it was slightly vague. Like why would they want to beat him up? I easily can let Damien discover the reason for it, yes, but thats not very fun. As i said it wasn't very important in itself so i didnt want to waste much time going into the details of Damien finding out. Remember that he never actually discovered WHY they set him up though. He just knows they did. Only we know what the reason was and i thought that i can create more interesting situations later on if we kept him in the dark longer while a group of influential old coots continue to make moves against him. Not to mention the blackmail potential, a reason for continued hate. Doing it this way let me easily set up a situation of protective grandpas being hostile to the "bad wolf" preying on their cute Princess.

Anyway. I think bursts of third person and long stretches of first person would be best for the story. The first few changes in POV can now be neglected since i changed things too, the only slight worry is people will read the side stories out of order but the context and titles should help with that.

Dont worry though, for the most part i wont be revealing things to the readers prior to Damien himself finding them out since i feel, as you prolly do, that it lessens the impact. Its like, "when's he gonna figure it out?" kind thing, eh? I dont want that impatience. Sometimes its good, leaves you anticipating. Others its just annoying. And as a avid reader myself i think i understand where that line is.

 

[Arcturus]

i already made changes, go check it out. I wanted to seperate them entirely but i couldnt so i just moved things around and changed some titles, let me know what you think. Also i did have reasons for making it third person. I kinda dont want to since they would sound like excuses, but since i've known you a long while....well lemme explain the thought process i had on that one a bit:
1) I didnt think it was an important reveal at all so it didnt matter that we knew about it beforehand since you can tell i mainly glossed over it anyway. If it was a way longer chapter or it was going to be multiple chapters before it was revealed then i'd have done it different, but that wasnt the case here. Wasnt a reason to keep the readers themselves in the dark, you see.
2) There is a character i thought to introduce early, who'll appear later on. You might be able to guess the approximate relationship if you paid a bit of attention to his actions.
3)When writing it the first time i felt it was slightly vague. Like why would they want to beat him up? I easily can let Damien discover the reason for it, yes, but thats not very fun. As i said it wasn't very important in itself so i didnt want to waste much time going into the details of Damien finding out. Remember that he never actually discovered WHY they set him up though. He just knows they did. Only we know what the reason was and i thought that i can create more interesting situations later on if we kept him in the dark longer while a group of influential old coots continue to make moves against him. Not to mention the blackmail potential, a reason for continued hate. Doing it this way let me easily set up a situation of protective grandpas being hostile to the "bad wolf" preying on their cute Princess.

Anyway. I think bursts of third person and long stretches of first person would be best for the story. The first few changes in POV can now be neglected since i changed things too, the only slight worry is people will read the side stories out of order but the context and titles should help with that.

Dont worry though, for the most part i wont be revealing things to the readers prior to Damien himself finding them out since i feel, as you prolly do, that it lessens the impact. Its like, "when's he gonna figure it out?" kind thing, eh? I dont want that impatience. Sometimes its good, leaves you anticipating. Others its just annoying. And as a avid reader myself i think i understand where that line is.

Mmm. I think it's better. Editing out the side stories definitely does help with the flow. However, you need to tie off the ending to Charlotte better because right now, the transition from it to the next chapter makes no sense. You shouldn't have to read a side story for the story to flow. Right now, without the side story, I have almost no idea what's going on. You need to at least go through the bullseye aspect from Damien's perspective to provide some sort of transition. There are some changes that could improve it and your third-person writing style definitely could use some editing because the voice it gives is off, but it's definitely an improvement.

And while the latest chapter was somewhat amusing, I would say it felt a tad too ridiculous and uncoordinated which made suspension of disbelief difficult.