Need some feedback.

[SirDogeTheFirst]

So some time ago, I stopped my main series and began a rewrite because I felt something was wrong. But after two months of writing. I have some concerns. My writing got better, at least grammar-wise, but my story got boring, at least for me., I cannot feel the same excitement as before. Currently, the amount of readers and favorites I am getting is satisfying (for me at least,) and I am happy with that but other than a single comment on my first chapter. I completely lack any opinion from my readers.

I will cut it short. I will be glad if someone reads my story and writes their honest feelings about it. It doesn't matter only a single chapter or more, only say what you think, and don't sugarcoat. Are my characters too bland, too edgy, or is my writing disconnected or not engaging? I wouldn't mind the harshness of the feedback, even if it's because of personal preferences. I write it for fun, but I also want to grow more as a writer.

The story is in my signature. It is a (Darkish) Fantasy/Isekai.

 

[Snowyflakes]

Hi!

So, this is the first time I've given a shot to LitRPG. I am not a fan of this genre but what you said made me want to try it at least. I found these fears to be common after some time when you haven't written anymore and spent more time editing (or just didn't have the time to write, so you took a pause). And not only fears but thoughts. I want to mention that I read only the prologue.

MC - I like your writing style. I know it may feel tiring or even boring to some, but I personally love it. I like how you make him seem like a real person. I mean, there is nothing, psychologically speaking, that I can say that wasn't real. His feelings and the way he expresses them, both to others and to himself, seem logical and credible. Basically, he convinced me he doesn't talk shit. Big, big +.

The psychiatrist - Again, his words and reactions seemed real.

The bus driver, other people - Their reactions seemed credible too. Also, the ending was interesting and made me want to read more.

All these details add immersion into the story for me as a reader, and this is the main reason why I wanted to read the next chapter. Also, what I can say about your writing is that it feels slow-paced, which is not a bad thing at all. The action flows naturally, and you didn't bore me with any unnecessary descriptions or information. It just feels like time is passing by slowly, that's all. And I have the time to muse about what is happening, what the MC feels, and so on.

Now, if you want, I can give you more info in a PM or something. Due to the fact that I believe you wanted feedback quickly, I am responding now with only one chapter read. But I want to read more. So, I would have more to say (I am sure of it). Edit: Or I will continue here. I don't mind. It depends on what you want.

One question, out of personal curiosity: where did you find the inspiration for the prologue? The information about wars, military campaigns, and so on seems so real and intriguing. It reminded me of a classical book in my native language that I really liked (big + for me, at this part).

 

[SirDogeTheFirst]

Hi!

So, this is the first time I've given a shot to LitRPG. I am not a fan of this genre but what you said made me want to try it at least. I found these fears to be common after some time when you haven't written anymore and spent more time editing (or just didn't have the time to write, so you took a pause). And not only fears but thoughts. I want to mention that I read only the prologue.

MC - I like your writing style. I know it may feel tiring or even boring to some, but I personally love it. I like how you make him seem like a real person. I mean, there is nothing, psychologically speaking, that I can say that wasn't real. His feelings and the way he expresses them, both to others and to himself, seem logical and credible. Basically, he convinced me he doesn't talk shit. Big, big +.

The psychiatrist - Again, his words and reactions seemed real.

The bus driver, other people - Their reactions seemed credible too. Also, the ending was interesting and made me want to read more.

All these details add immersion into the story for me as a reader, and this is the main reason why I wanted to read the next chapter. Also, what I can say about your writing is that it feels slow-paced, which is not a bad thing at all. The action flows naturally, and you didn't bore me with any unnecessary descriptions or information. It just feels like time is passing by slowly, that's all. And I have the time to muse about what is happening, what the MC feels, and so on.

Now, if you want, I can give you more info in a PM or something. Due to the fact that I believe you wanted feedback quickly, I am responding now with only one chapter read. But I want to read more. So, I would have more to say (I am sure of it). Edit: Or I will continue here. I don't mind. It depends on what you want.

One question, out of personal curiosity: where did you find the inspiration for the prologue? The information about wars, military campaigns, and so on seems so real and intriguing. It reminded me of a classical book in my native language that I really liked (big + for me, at this part).

Hey! Thank you for your quick response. If you could, I would really adore a longer review, and I don't mind if it's on here or PMs. Send me where you feel most comfortable writing it. Time is not really a problem for me. I can wait much as you want.

Also, answer your question about the prologue. There isn't one specific source, but many. Including, For Whom the Bells Tolls. Which is my favorite, and the book made me see war as not only violent but something inhumane. I wanted the war to be grim and my character to be someone who matured and saw the wrongs of his past.

And can you send me the name of the book, I like to read it if I can find an English translation of it.

 

[Snowyflakes]

Hey! Thank you for your quick response. If you could, I would really adore a longer review, and I don't mind if it's on here or PMs. Send me where you feel most comfortable writing it. Time is not really a problem for me. I can wait much as you want.

Also, answer your question about the prologue. There isn't one specific source, but many. Including, For Whom the Bells Tolls. Which is my favorite, and the book made me see war as not only violent but something inhumane. I wanted the war to be grim and my character to be someone who matured and saw the wrongs of his past.

And can you send me the name of the book, I like to read it if I can find an English translation of it.

No problem! You're welcome!

I sent you a PM.

 

[SilvoidVorstellung]

So some time ago, I stopped my main series and began a rewrite because I felt something was wrong. But after two months of writing. I have some concerns. My writing got better, at least grammar-wise, but my story got boring, at least for me., I cannot feel the same excitement as before. Currently, the amount of readers and favorites I am getting is satisfying (for me at least,) and I am happy with that but other than a single comment on my first chapter. I completely lack any opinion from my readers.

I will cut it short. I will be glad if someone reads my story and writes their honest feelings about it. It doesn't matter only a single chapter or more, only say what you think, and don't sugarcoat. Are my characters too bland, too edgy, or is my writing disconnected or not engaging? I wouldn't mind the harshness of the feedback, even if it's because of personal preferences. I write it for fun, but I also want to grow more as a writer.

The story is in my signature. It is a (Darkish) Fantasy/Isekai.

The lack of stakes(all 20 chapter) is what made it boring, knowing that he's a soldier, when he facing was facing the goblin/hobgoblin/wolf you don't feel like he was in danger, maybe it because of those monsters always been the small fries in other stories. And he was able to killed 5 of them in the start, it would have been better if its a 1 monster that he couldn't kill at the start and he's desperately running for his life so we could kind of see that he's in a vulnerable position.

and he's getting powerful, so that would reduce the stakes a lot more.

 

[SirDogeTheFirst]

The lack of stakes(all 20 chapter) is what made it boring, knowing that he's a soldier, when he facing was facing the goblin/hobgoblin/wolf you don't feel like he was in danger, maybe it because of those monsters always been the small fries in other stories. And he was able to killed 5 of them in the start, it would have been better if its a 1 monster that he couldn't kill at the start and he's desperately running for his life so we could kind of see that he's in a vulnerable position.

and he's getting powerful, so that would reduce the stakes a lot more.

That was something in my mind. Am I not throwing enough challenges to my character? His fights against stronger monsters were won through ambushing or taking down already wounded enemies, and while writing those, one thing in my mind was not making him look strong but experienced. Against weaker monsters, I agree fights don't feel that threatening. Of course, the current forest arc is almost over, and deadlier enemies will appear but making the forest part more dangerous for the mc could be a good idea. Thank you for the feedback.

 

[SilvoidVorstellung]

That was something in my mind. Am I not throwing enough challenges to my character? His fights against stronger monsters were won through ambushing or taking down already wounded enemies, and while writing those, one thing in my mind was not making him look strong but experienced. Against weaker monsters, I agree fights don't feel that threatening. Of course, the current forest arc is almost over, and deadlier enemies will appear but making the forest part more dangerous for the mc could be a good idea. Thank you for the feedback.

It not the problem of him seeing as strong but him need to be in a disadvantage at the start, being experience give him that advantage thus lowering the stake, of course you can make him experience but the monster that you introduced at the start isn't that threatening enough, you could of made a monsters that he couldn't just deal with ambush/hit and run/hiding tactics or full on brawl, and the only survival option he could choose was to run for his life.

You need to remember, he is in an unknown world where monster lives, where they have tough skin that can't be penetrated with a simple blade or they're intelligent enough to form a tactics and have leadership, so he shouldn't know how to deal with them yet, but the monster you've create doesn't feel like monster, at that point they are normal animal. You need that fear of the unknown, so you can sell to the reader that the protagonist could die at anytime and at any moment, so when he became a powerful badass you can say he deserve it, he been through enough.

So when you're giving your MC an advantage, make sure the monster have a better advantage(sometimes.)