Need some Opinions!

Anon2024

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Joined
Apr 18, 2022
Messages
3,219
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158
I read it, you have a good writing style but I absolutely hate litRpgs that focus on stats and post it every time.

I would say it has potential but it doesn’t stand out from all the other litRPGs out there but I can’t say more than that because I hate litRPGs.
 

ARedFox

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 22, 2021
Messages
40
Points
58
TLDR; While your story doesn't peg itself as the next big story to me, that doesn't mean its bad and people wont like it. In fact, I do think your story has the potential to do well. So if you want to write it, and have the time, I would recommend and encourage you to do so.

Also, anyone know how to use the spoiler system on the forum or something else to cut this down? This got way too long.

This is me being picky and being critical while focusing on the things I didn't like. I fail to write anything positive in most of my reviews. So if its not here I didn't have any issue with it. Even most of the stuff here is very minor and would probably be ignored by the average reader. While your story wasn't for me, I definitely wouldn't call it bad. Just keep that in mind.

Objectively, its pretty average as a story. Nothing really called out to me here. Many of your specifics of your story are unique to your story but when looked at in general, its fairly standard. An example would be him meeting with Pluto and receiving a class. Yes Pluto and the class are unique to your story but meeting with a god to receive a class is not unusual in stories like this.

Your grammar is better than the majority on this site (that I run into anyways), so A+ there. The dialog itself might need a little more thought or consideration. It's not bad, but like the rest, its fairly standard. I did notice some things that bugged me, but I'll put that under subjective as it is not likely to bug many others and is 100% my opinion. My last thing of note is the dialog. At the end up chapter 2, its bold and underlined in the last three pieces, but not in the first three.

There are some other minor issues like where your spacing is messed up. An example being in chapter 2 right after the kobolds stats are shown. Theres another minor issue in his stats at the end of chapter 1. It says the weapons master provides +5 dex but that isn't reflected in his stats despite showing in his status but I didn't find anything else in my few glances back as I write this.

Subjective: I'm going to tell you right off the bat, I don't care for harem or smut, as well as most revenge stories so I already had a more negative first impression. These are also things that bug me specifically and are most likely not relevant to the large majority of scribblehub readers as I am overly picky.

The dialog that bugs me the most is him making idle comments about his charisma compared to a kobold. He picked the class, saw the bad charisma previously, and even asked about it, yet still says "was that a fucking Goblin had more Charisma than him... Was he that unfriendly" like its a surprise. Another thing that bugged me is after the system or whatever told him they needed to hunk 500 kobolds, he nearly immediately asked what he needed to look for. To be extra nit picky, theres the whole cowardice thing. Its way too vague. Does being a coward but overcoming count to the system as being a coward? What if someone is a coward but is still amazing at killing kobolds via something like traps or ambushes? How cowardly is too cowardly? Is having second thoughts allowed?

While I can't judge person to person dialog, as there hasn't been a long enough conversation between characters, ignoring Pluto, the things said by him and the kobolds during their fight was pretty meh. It wasn't bad. It just didn't make me care as I've read so many other stories with similar things. The other thing with the kobolds that bugged me is your use of kobold and goblin. Its super weird to treat them as synonymous as no other stories that I can remember do.

The final thing thats bugged me is the whole end of chapter 2. I love the idea of characters meeting people who would be the main character in some other story. I just don't like the protagonist came first on the scoreboard as it feels way too common. And if he thinks jackson or whoever he wanted revenge on is in the lobby, might it be rather silly to risk alerting him of Joshuas survival? I don't like that Pluto didn't mention the dude who came second or rather the regressor didn't. I don't like that the regressors stats are greater than the literal god given class made for him to hunt down people cheating death. Or rather I don't like the lack of explanation for it. I assume it will come in later chapters but I can't give an opinion on something I haven't seen.
 

Nezothecat

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 7, 2020
Messages
70
Points
58
I think it has similar vibes with novel like Ark and I especially like how his last name is Reeves, the nightmare of youtube. Kidding aside, it's quite good and hooking for me. keep up the good work!
 
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