Hey read through the first chapter, and have some suggestions for you.
In the opening paragraph read through it and look at how many times you use the word walk. When you read through your work look for similar word repetition and then try and switch it up so this:
Angel and his father walked down the cave slowly. The dark cave conditions and rocky road made it difficult for them to walk. Angel forced himself tocontinue walking with trembling body in fear.
Becomes this:
Angel and his father walked down the cave slowly. The dark cave conditions and rocky road made it difficult for them to traverse. Angel forced himself to continue moving forward with trembling body in fear.
Next look at how certain parts of your sentence sounds. Repeat it out loud specifically “Angel forced himself to continue walking with trembling body in fear.” Something doesn’t sound right if you say it a couple times I’d suggest something more like “even though his body was trembling from fear.”
So now you have:
Angel and his father walked down the cave slowly. The dark cave conditions and rocky road made it difficult for them to traverse. Angel forced himself to continue moving forward even though his body was trembling from fear.
Next assume your readers know what you’re talking about and paint a picture from basic understanding. This part “The dark cave conditions and rocky road made it difficult for them to walk” has some odd cave structures as well as redundant information. Roads usually aren’t in caves but paths sometimes are, and your audience will know the cave is dark so I’d suggest turning it into “The lack of light only made the rocky path more difficult for them to walk”
Now you have this:
Angel and his father walked down the cave slowly. The lack of light only made the rocky path more difficult for them to traverse. Angel forced himself to continue moving forward even though his body was trembling from fear.
There’s a few other things you could change in this paragraph to increase how it flows but you get the idea. Also I have a few other tips I can give but this post would be even longer than it already is, the only other tip I will give is look at how many of your sentences start with Angel, specifically you have one paragraph where his name starts three of your sentences. Vary how you lead in to a sentence because starting a lot of sentences the same way will take your reader out of the story because of pattern repetition just like I stated above.
