Not a story but I need help with a premise

[BenJepheneT]

Cyberpunk, Monster-of-the-Week Slice-of-Life

Basically, I've been thinking of the premise for a good half a decade and I'mma be honest with your folks, I'm not getting anywhere.

Until a week ago.

SO, what I have in mind is a kind-of slice-of-life cyberpunk story about this shorter-than-average human-turned-robot cyborg that knows the way of the shaolin and fights with a staff that has two slits on either side of the staff that shoots out a disk made of naNoMaChiNeS that is bulletproof. (TL;DR: 5"7' cyborg with a staff that shoots a bulletproof shield.)

There's also this cool trick where one of the slits gets shot broken by the enemy and only half of the shield comes up and it basically becomes an ax but I'm still working on it.

As for the character himself, I'mma just give a quick description:
The guy has a floating head that's completely spherical in shape and is made out of many tiny nAnOmAcHiNeS. The head floats above the shoulders by a neck's-length and the cross-neck section absolutely cannot come in contact with water because if done so the mechanism dies and the guy just turns headless and unconscious. The guy himself is a mechanical genius and built the weapon he uses but even he can't overcome his headless issue so call that lazy writing, yeah?

Since he can't eat or drink, he just periodically force-feeds himself nutrients through tubes. He can't feel pain but has this internal damage gauge which if it reaches below 5%, his entire body forces-stop and he basically goes unconscious again. He can take bullets like a fucking tank but once it hits a vital, he's a goner.

Oh, and by the way, he's mute, blind, deaf and can only sense through heat signatures. He can sense what you're talking or doing just fine but once you pit him in a damn freezer he, too, is a goner.

Oh, and by the way, nobody knows where or why or who he is or from. He's just there, with his prowess and everything. He just exists because he... exists.

The MC's main internal struggle is that he knows he's once human and that he could do whatever a human does BUT he also knows that there's absolutely no reason to his existence. He's no one's son and no one's father. No re connection to the past whatsoever. He's just there because he's there and that bothers him. Like, Why am I built? or Why am I thinking? or Why am I alive? or just simply Why am I? Basic A.I. gets human sentience and internal struggle starter pack but in reverse, basically.

Then one freak incident saw him window-gazing a tool store in the process of being extorted. He gets roped in because he's a damn witness. There he gets a chance to do something. A crossroad of a choice. Join the extortion group and be something of himself or save the girl at the cashier. You probably know which choice he made and he beat the shit out of the group in the process but reached his capacity in the middle of the fight. He gets revived by the cashier, which turned out to be the owner of the tool shop. She gives him residence since he's homeless and she's indebted to him. So that's the slow romance covered and from there is where the story starts. He protects the shop, she helps nurse the guy and years pass. He became a vigilante of the cyberpunk city by wandering around for crime while she becomes his psuedo wife. They haven't married for reasons I'll state at further inquiries.

Here's how he looks like. Don't mind the blockiness. I used to do Minecraft commissions and out of a pure, terrible decision I drew my character in the same way.

The setting is what you'd expect out of a cyberpunk. Watch the Cyberpunk 2077 trailer and you'd get the image. Only thing different about it is that in that universe, the sun died long ago which sent the damn city into a perpetual darkness. The city is cut to 100 districts, which gives you a good image on how darn big the place is. Crime everywhere in a world of demoralization. Perfect for a wandering vigilante.

The story is where the struggle's at. Even for a slice-of-life action thriller I still need a driving force. So far I have this idea of a Adventure Guild-esque bar with the bartender being this ex-military guys that gives "quests" for detective and vigilantes on crime whereabouts and clues and details. Then there's this military-contractor sharpshooter assassin that covers loose ends and covers up the military's involvement with shady businesses because of course a cyberpunk needs corporate rot in the government. And then there's this similar vigilante living on the other side of town working with a police officer whose primary ability is being a glutton and has the power to solidify and coagulate food and water in her body into little bullets that shoot from her Iron-Man like hand blasters (Inuyashiki-style, if you may).

That's the gist of it. What do you guys think? What should I add, retcon, consider or such? I really want to make this story work and hope that it can kick-start by end of this year.

Anything is welcomed. Suggestions, new ideas, story-inserts, similar cyberpunk works and most of all - criticism. I need every bit of it if you have 'em. Go harsh on it, I'm a tough boyo >w<

 

[Deleted member 9915]

...why not begin writing it and see where it goes?

- said by a pantser 1/4 plotter.

I am writing like driving in a dark road with only headlights (Pantser-letting the characters/story create itself) but with a clear destination/end in mind (Plotter-but not very detailed like you do). This way I have more leeway to bend-push-pull whatever the story would need.

In relation to your post, it's actually cool and great stuff... the mc is interesting with his bad-ass weapon and unique body. With such details you've given, maybe you can start outlining important events. Not that I'm an expert at plotting but it's what I've experienced from fellow writer's in a workshop/community.

 

[Love4NovelGuy]

Ummm... I can imagine this if there are some parts that are slice-of-life-ish but trying to fuse Cyberpunk and Slice of Life will be a tricky ordeal since the latter is about being connected to reality where mundane things happen. There have been slice of life fiction that focused of an overall narrative so it may work out, but that’s only if you think less about adding explanations for sci-fi elements and just go with the flow.

Good luck trying to make this happen!

 

[Kotohood]

Oh, and by the way, nobody knows where or why or who he is or from. He's just there, with his prowess and everything. He just exists because he... exists.

I just want to add that this is pretty lazy writting. I believe to make the character more believable he has to exist and that he has to exist for a reason. The things that define the character or what not. It doesn't matter if the audience or the other chracters won't know, but as the writter it's best for you to at least know why your character exist.

I'm still reading the rest, so I'll add more after I read them, but it's just that this part really irks me. Hope I'm not being too condescending or anything.


Edit: I've read the rest and here is my 2 cents. Flesh out your characters, they lack depth and as a consequences they lack goals and motivation. You need to tie your story to the character goals as your characters are the one who is going to move the plot forward.

Your Setting is pretty dark for a slice of life story, it just looks like there is a general lack of hope in your story. These people feel more like they are surviving rather than 'Living'. You need to inject some elements where the characters actually have a reason to live.

I think your story suffer because you have no clear goal on what your ending should be. What are your characters goal and aim, and try to steer the plot towards that direction. Also find a general theme/the moral of the story and try to steer the plot into that direction as well.


And that's all I got, I hope you best luck. I'm just a noob writter and an avid reader though, so don't take my words for the end all.

 

[tiaf]

That's the gist of it. What do you guys think? What should I add, retcon, consider or such? I really want to make this story work and hope that it can kick-start by end of this year.

wow, I didn't plan anything at all and just began writing (though it was inspired by a novel with interesting setting, but hateful characters, that motivated me)

Back to the suggestions, what you provided is actually already enough to start imo. A very standard and classic plot:

Maybe he starts the guild thingy, because he saw the sorrow of others/needs money/want to give his life a purpose.
Then a big conspiracy plotted by some underground organization, slowly begins to emerge in his near surroundings.
But he is going forward, cause it's the only thing he can do.
As he does so, he reveals more of their plan by chance, meets more people and makes bonds with them.
He just wants his peaceful life, but gets more dragged in for his uniqueness, by both good and bad people.
Of course, he has to find some hints from his creator, that may answers his questions about himself.
Eventually, he begins to ask himself, maybe I was built to help...or I will find out about me by revealing their plan completely
And your daily hero is born! He doesn't fights the evils head on, but is more of a catalyst to bring the story forth and make several organizations fight side to side against the darkness. (Cause it should be S-o-L)

(Plottwist: At the end he realizes, that those hints were notices left behind by a prior him, who didn't know their origins either. He is actually really old and resets his memory regulary, when full. Thus, forgets everything, except him being a human once.)

My ideas for the pot. Please put in some comedy or it will be very dark.

 

[Lurking]

Cyberpunk, Monster-of-the-Week Slice-of-Life

Basically, I've been thinking of the premise for a good half a decade and I'mma be honest with your folks, I'm not getting anywhere.

Until a week ago.

SO, what I have in mind is a kind-of slice-of-life cyberpunk story about this shorter-than-average human-turned-robot cyborg that knows the way of the shaolin and fights with a staff that has two slits on either side of the staff that shoots out a disk made of naNoMaChiNeS that is bulletproof. (TL;DR: 5"7' cyborg with a staff that shoots a bulletproof shield.)

There's also this cool trick where one of the slits gets shot broken by the enemy and only half of the shield comes up and it basically becomes an ax but I'm still working on it.

As for the character himself, I'mma just give a quick description:
The guy has a floating head that's completely spherical in shape and is made out of many tiny nAnOmAcHiNeS. The head floats above the shoulders by a neck's-length and the cross-neck section absolutely cannot come in contact with water because if done so the mechanism dies and the guy just turns headless and unconscious. The guy himself is a mechanical genius and built the weapon he uses but even he can't overcome his headless issue so call that lazy writing, yeah?

Since he can't eat or drink, he just periodically force-feeds himself nutrients through tubes. He can't feel pain but has this internal damage gauge which if it reaches below 5%, his entire body forces-stop and he basically goes unconscious again. He can take bullets like a fucking tank but once it hits a vital, he's a goner.

Oh, and by the way, he's mute, blind, deaf and can only sense through heat signatures. He can sense what you're talking or doing just fine but once you pit him in a damn freezer he, too, is a goner.

Oh, and by the way, nobody knows where or why or who he is or from. He's just there, with his prowess and everything. He just exists because he... exists.

The MC's main internal struggle is that he knows he's once human and that he could do whatever a human does BUT he also knows that there's absolutely no reason to his existence. He's no one's son and no one's father. No re connection to the past whatsoever. He's just there because he's there and that bothers him. Like, Why am I built? or Why am I thinking? or Why am I alive? or just simply Why am I? Basic A.I. gets human sentience and internal struggle starter pack but in reverse, basically.

Then one freak incident saw him window-gazing a tool store in the process of being extorted. He gets roped in because he's a damn witness. There he gets a chance to do something. A crossroad of a choice. Join the extortion group and be something of himself or save the girl at the cashier. You probably know which choice he made and he beat the shit out of the group in the process but reached his capacity in the middle of the fight. He gets revived by the cashier, which turned out to be the owner of the tool shop. She gives him residence since he's homeless and she's indebted to him. So that's the slow romance covered and from there is where the story starts. He protects the shop, she helps nurse the guy and years pass. He became a vigilante of the cyberpunk city by wandering around for crime while she becomes his psuedo wife. They haven't married for reasons I'll state at further inquiries.

Here's how he looks like. Don't mind the blockiness. I used to do Minecraft commissions and out of a pure, terrible decision I drew my character in the same way.

View attachment 1085View attachment 1086

The setting is what you'd expect out of a cyberpunk. Watch the Cyberpunk 2077 trailer and you'd get the image. Only thing different about it is that in that universe, the sun died long ago which sent the damn city into a perpetual darkness. The city is cut to 100 districts, which gives you a good image on how darn big the place is. Crime everywhere in a world of demoralization. Perfect for a wandering vigilante.

The story is where the struggle's at. Even for a slice-of-life action thriller I still need a driving force. So far I have this idea of a Adventure Guild-esque bar with the bartender being this ex-military guys that gives "quests" for detective and vigilantes on crime whereabouts and clues and details. Then there's this military-contractor sharpshooter assassin that covers loose ends and covers up the military's involvement with shady businesses because of course a cyberpunk needs corporate rot in the government. And then there's this similar vigilante living on the other side of town working with a police officer whose primary ability is being a glutton and has the power to solidify and coagulate food and water in her body into little bullets that shoot from her Iron-Man like hand blasters (Inuyashiki-style, if you may).

That's the gist of it. What do you guys think? What should I add, retcon, consider or such? I really want to make this story work and hope that it can kick-start by end of this year.

Anything is welcomed. Suggestions, new ideas, story-inserts, similar cyberpunk works and most of all - criticism. I need every bit of it if you have 'em. Go harsh on it, I'm a tough boyo >w<

I think you should change the material of the disc.

Nano machines.. makes me think semi sentient moving weaponry like Xena it flies off this blind guys staff and homes in on the enemies ...
That wont work.

He isnt Toph. He sees heat signatures.... howabout buildings hm? Rocks dont really have heat signatures, but cyberpunk is he navigating since its all super high tech in the 100 districts with intense wiring in all the walls?

Whats he gunna do when there is no wiring to guide him?

What exists outside the 100 districts?

Also, did you say there was no sun?

 

[Lurking]

I just want to add that this is pretty lazy writting. I believe to make the character more believable he has to exist and that he has to exist for a reason. The things that define the character or what not. It doesn't matter if the audience or the other chracters won't know, but as the writter it's best for you to at least know why your character exist.

I'm still reading the rest, so I'll add more after I read them, but it's just that this part really irks me. Hope I'm not being too condescending or anything.


Edit: I've read the rest and here is my 2 cents. Flesh out your characters, they lack depth and as a consequences they lack goals and motivation. You need to tie your story to the character goals as your characters are the one who is going to move the plot forward.

Your Setting is pretty dark for a slice of life story, it just looks like there is a general lack of hope in your story. These people feel more like they are surviving rather than 'Living'. You need to inject some elements where the characters actually have a reason to live.

I think your story suffer because you have no clear goal on what your ending should be. What are your characters goal and aim, and try to steer the plot towards that direction. Also find a general theme/the moral of the story and try to steer the plot into that direction as well.


And that's all I got, I hope you best luck. I'm just a noob writter and an avid reader though, so don't take my words for the end all.

..lazy writing?

I dunt know why i exist asshole. Dyou know why you do?

My advice is to have fun.

Also, somewhat like this guy said, flesh out your characters, have an idea of what their personality is, dunt just focus on how they look. Its nice that you have the design, but what matters is whats on the inside.

Particularly the other lead, thw shopkeeper owner. Whats her personality? All i got is that she owns a toolshop.

 

[Kotohood]

..lazy writing?

I dunt know why i exist asshole. Dyou know why you do?

My advice is to have fun.

Also, somewhat like this guy said, flesh out your characters, have an idea of what their personality is, dunt just focus on how they look. Its nice that you have the design, but what matters is whats on the inside.

Particularly the other lead, thw shopkeeper owner. Whats her personality? All i got is that she owns a toolshop.

I exist to sleep and eat. XD

 

[BenJepheneT]

I just want to add that this is pretty lazy writting. I believe to make the character more believable he has to exist and that he has to exist for a reason. The things that define the character or what not. It doesn't matter if the audience or the other chracters won't know, but as the writter it's best for you to at least know why your character exist.

I'm still reading the rest, so I'll add more after I read them, but it's just that this part really irks me. Hope I'm not being too condescending or anything.


Edit: I've read the rest and here is my 2 cents. Flesh out your characters, they lack depth and as a consequences they lack goals and motivation. You need to tie your story to the character goals as your characters are the one who is going to move the plot forward.

Your Setting is pretty dark for a slice of life story, it just looks like there is a general lack of hope in your story. These people feel more like they are surviving rather than 'Living'. You need to inject some elements where the characters actually have a reason to live.

I think your story suffer because you have no clear goal on what your ending should be. What are your characters goal and aim, and try to steer the plot towards that direction. Also find a general theme/the moral of the story and try to steer the plot into that direction as well.


And that's all I got, I hope you best luck. I'm just a noob writter and an avid reader though, so don't take my words for the end all.

I was thinking of touching the theme of existential meaning in the character department. I don't know if it's a sign of lazy writing but I'm kind of curious on the start of each character, like before they have their hopes and dreams. What drives a man to find a dream? What drives a man to have it? Is the meaning of life something you find or just provided AA batteries you find in the Life Starter Kit? Do you exist for something or does the world exist for you. That's what I'm thinking of touching on. Why do I think? Why do I live? Why am I banging iron sticks on a bad guy's head? (TL;DR: I'm thinking of having the character's motivation and raison d'etre to be something you seek, not something you have from the get-go.)

As for the characters, yes. They do indeed lack flesh and depth. I've only been working out on the story for a week prior and right now I'm starting to get somewhere. A little Anakin moment, per say. Like being convinced into joining the underworld because of the lack of motivation. Or just the will to BE something has led the character into an easy path of criminality. For now, I'm still working on it.

Here me out on this: it may sound like a pipe dream but I was thinking of making this new sub-genre. Just through this story. Instead of going ahead with "I wanna be the strongest" or "I want to rid the world of evil", I want to try something like "I have a beating heart but is this beating heart really what I want?" or "What's the point of me?" or "Why am I I?" all while trying to survive the vicious world around them. They do"live", but what really constitutes it? I'm sick of breathing to survive. Should I stop? Will I truly "live" by then?

The ending is far down my priority list. I'm thinking of:

A. Generic, do-I-want-to-know-my-past scenario
B. Joins the underground world out of the pure passion to seek for reason
C. Purgatory
D. Death. Quickest way out

So far, this is what I have.

 

[BenJepheneT]

wow, I didn't plan anything at all and just began writing (though it was inspired by a novel with interesting setting, but hateful characters, that motivated me)

Back to the suggestions, what you provided is actually already enough to start imo. A very standard and classic plot:

Maybe he starts the guild thingy, because he saw the sorrow of others/needs money/want to give his life a purpose.
Then a big conspiracy plotted by some underground organization, slowly begins to emerge in his near surroundings.
But he is going forward, cause it's the only thing he can do.
As he does so, he reveals more of their plan by chance, meets more people and makes bonds with them.
He just wants his peaceful life, but gets more dragged in for his uniqueness, by both good and bad people.
Of course, he has to find some hints from his creator, that may answers his questions about himself.
Eventually, he begins to ask himself, maybe I was built to help...or I will find out about me by revealing their plan completely
And your daily hero is born! He doesn't fights the evils head on, but is more of a catalyst to bring the story forth and make several organizations fight side to side against the darkness. (Cause it should be S-o-L)

(Plottwist: At the end he realizes, that those hints were notices left behind by a prior him, who didn't know their origins either. He is actually really old and resets his memory regulary, when full. Thus, forgets everything, except him being a human once.)

My ideas for the pot. Please put in some comedy or it will be very dark.

I did consider a guild-esque party but instead of an actual guild, it's like a hub bar where people exchange information and such. Like the local bar in your town where the men come down for gossip and beer, but it's fully tattoed gangsters and crooked detectives looking for a bust. Maybe like something out of the Continental of John Wick. No killing, only business but it's enforced by mutual, wordless understanding rather than a written rule.

Big conspiracy would be part of the lore, I guess. Guy gets roped in out of pure accident, kills the wrong guy and everything falls apart and the guy still doesn't know. Yeah, maybe a little comedy on that part. Like we lost the Death Star cause' Dave tossed the fucking burrito wrappers into the ventilation a-fucking-gain.

Peaceful life is out of the window. MC wants to find a reason to live. A raison d'etre. Where else to find such meaning of life than uninvited chaos? Maybe his girl wants a peaceful life. I don't know, I'm still working on that detail.

Maybe he IS the creator. He'd wronged in his past life and wiped himself out to start anew but now that he'd started anew with no goals and motivation he's aimless. Hooray, backfire.

Yeah, I think the memory wipe could do something. Maybe he gets wiped again halfway through the story and starts all over again? Could be possible.

Dark is my middle name, honey.

 

[BenJepheneT]

I think you should change the material of the disc.

Nano machines.. makes me think semi sentient moving weaponry like Xena it flies off this blind guys staff and homes in on the enemies ...
That wont work.

He isnt Toph. He sees heat signatures.... howabout buildings hm? Rocks dont really have heat signatures, but cyberpunk is he navigating since its all super high tech in the 100 districts with intense wiring in all the walls?

Whats he gunna do when there is no wiring to guide him?

What exists outside the 100 districts?

Also, did you say there was no sun?

Like you signature suggested, I'mma fellow amateur writer. I'm only starting to get some clues and I must say, you do give some decent ideas.

The nanomachine part is because I needed Marvel chemistry to explain weaponry. What this guy's shield basically is is that it's a force-field esque... shield. The staff spews out a disk that covers exactly as the staff's circumference and blocks oncoming bullets, knives and whatnot. Imagine picking up the floor tile and blocking shit with it. That'd be the gist of it.

Frankly enough, I DO have a character that's exactly like Xena. He's supposed to show up midpoint as a stray that gets into crossfire. Existential dread and morality comes into play here. Since I'm saved, should I save this pupper too? What good does it do to me? Is it worth it? Things like that. Sadly, the dog's body is dead but the brain lives. The guy can't really build a killer drone given his supplies in the toolshop so he creates this mini satellite body for the dog's consciousness to roam free within. The satellite runs on the magnetic field and so navigates around it and floats about. Since he has no primary abilities, what he can do is scout, report and record. I haven't worked much on the personality sheet yet so I'mm put that on the to-do list.

His blindness of senses is less of a feature and more of a driving force of his characterization. It wouldn't be an interesting, internal slice-of-life read if the entire paragraph is dedicated to how the heat signature works. What the heat signature does to his character is that he uses it to monitor emotion. He could only sense strong and weak emotions. Not specific ones. Red is strong and vice versa. So he uses this heat signature to navigate through his human interaction. See red? Something's up. See blue? Keep going. But what he can't sense is human emotions. He simply can't get that kind of stuff. What's anger? What's sadness? Why is she doing this and why is he doing that? He simply doesn't know. His blindness may be his biggest weakness and strength. Sure, he can have the upper hand in some fights but to the inner one warring with his humanity, it's simply an uphill battle for him.

What exists outside the 100 districts will also be part of the reason why there is no sun. It's way too long for me to be able to be committed in typing the whole shit down so I'll explain it if you want me to.

 

[BenJepheneT]

..lazy writing?

I dunt know why i exist asshole. Dyou know why you do?

My advice is to have fun.

Also, somewhat like this guy said, flesh out your characters, have an idea of what their personality is, dunt just focus on how they look. Its nice that you have the design, but what matters is whats on the inside.

Particularly the other lead, thw shopkeeper owner. Whats her personality? All i got is that she owns a toolshop.

Shopkeeper owner? Well, hold on to your horses cause' S.S Bullshit plot's bout' to set sail.

Spoiler

What the shopkeeper is is that she is NOT actually full human. What she is, and I kid you not, is that she is a long lost species of Endermen from Minecraft that once roamed the lands of the distant past. Not only that, she is part of the ultra-rare species of albino Endermen. White bodied, yellow-eyed. Those who has the will to live and survive, though, are currently in hiding, which is what the shopkeeper did. She has a biological converter in the back of her head which lets her take human form, in which she hides under her ponytail. Right now, she's posing as an toolshop owner, living just to see 2300 turn 0000 for another day.

Spoiler

However, the introduction of the MC changes everything. Her love was stemmed from the fact that the MC is willing to protect a fellow stranger. Granted, she did do the extra thing of saving the damn MC but as a long survivor, nobody but her is more understandable to the fact that strangers are your worst enemy and yet, she saved the damn man. The damn man he saved didn't just not take advantage, he begun helping around, doing work and protecting her and her shop. Kindness, out of the centuries of hostility she'd face in the outside world. Love stems, feelings grow and there's that.

Spoiler

Her inner conflict is simple: Would he accept the true me? It's cliche, I know but it's cliche because it works so well. She'd already accepted herself but would the other guy do the same thing? Would the man accept a giant secret of mine that I've hidden from him who so loved and trusted me for so long? I'm planning to resolve this fairly quick in the beginning. Maybe a hostage situation where the shopkeeper gets involuntarily involved, MC meets a deadly event and the shopkeeper has no choice but to use her Enderman abilities and warp their shit out of the situation. MC accepts her for what she is and deeper fuels his desire to protect the shopkeeper while the shopkeeper continues to live, not to see another day but to accompany her immortal husband to his unlikely last days.

What do you think? Anything I should consider or add to?

 

[Lurking]

Shopkeeper owner? Well, hold on to your horses cause' S.S Bullshit plot's bout' to set sail.

Spoiler

What the shopkeeper is is that she is NOT actually full human. What she is, and I kid you not, is that she is a long lost species of Endermen from Minecraft that once roamed the lands of the distant past. Not only that, she is part of the ultra-rare species of albino Endermen. White bodied, yellow-eyed. Those who has the will to live and survive, though, are currently in hiding, which is what the shopkeeper did. She has a biological converter in the back of her head which lets her take human form, in which she hides under her ponytail. Right now, she's posing as an toolshop owner, living just to see 2300 turn 0000 for another day.

Spoiler

However, the introduction of the MC changes everything. Her love was stemmed from the fact that the MC is willing to protect a fellow stranger. Granted, she did do the extra thing of saving the damn MC but as a long survivor, nobody but her is more understandable to the fact that strangers are your worst enemy and yet, she saved the damn man. The damn man he saved didn't just not take advantage, he begun helping around, doing work and protecting her and her shop. Kindness, out of the centuries of hostility she'd face in the outside world. Love stems, feelings grow and there's that.

Spoiler

Her inner conflict is simple: Would he accept the true me? It's cliche, I know but it's cliche because it works so well. She'd already accepted herself but would the other guy do the same thing? Would the man accept a giant secret of mine that I've hidden from him who so loved and trusted me for so long? I'm planning to resolve this fairly quick in the beginning. Maybe a hostage situation where the shopkeeper gets involuntarily involved, MC meets a deadly event and the shopkeeper has no choice but to use her Enderman abilities and warp their shit out of the situation. MC accepts her for what she is and deeper fuels his desire to protect the shopkeeper while the shopkeeper continues to live, not to see another day but to accompany her immortal husband to his unlikely last days.

What do you think? Anything I should consider or add to?

Nice. Did you come up with that on the spot?

Hmmm. I dont know much about minecraft to be brutally honest, but I catch your drift.

I have a question.

Wouldnt your mc be able to detect through heat signature the shopkeepers nature?

It seems like the disguise is only meant to fool optical, the primary human sense. And maybe also have tech aspects to account for fooling scanners and cyberpunk type city appliances, but it doesnt seem geared towards altering the heat signature?

And if he saved a stray that died, the mc doesnt have the save the human bias then?

 

[BenJepheneT]

Nice. Did you come up with that on the spot?

Hmmm. I dont know much about minecraft to be brutally honest, but I catch your drift.

I have a question.

Wouldnt your mc be able to detect through heat signature the shopkeepers nature?

It seems like the disguise is only meant to fool optical, the primary human sense. And maybe also have tech aspects to account for fooling scanners and cyberpunk type city appliances, but it doesnt seem geared towards altering the heat signature?

And if he saved a stray that died, the mc doesnt have the save the human bias then?

I came up with that when I was watching Godzilla (the lesser 2013 version). Thought that hey, what if Zilla was a bishoujou? Then I played Minecraft for a while and God dropkicked my brain across a record-breaking mile.

As a literal million-year old creature, the shopkeeper would be a pretty composed woman and bouts of panic would be pretty rare for her age. I'd say the MC would be either too dense or just plain confused at times.

As for the tech aspects, that would to for the MC himself only. Like I said, the heat signatures is for the purpose of making the MC feel alien, like everyone has a purpose and everyone has somewhere to go and be. Everyone is a red, pulsing creature, so why am I so cold? kind of a thing. Since the cyberpunk world isn't run on tyranny, as long as you don't screw up and pay your taxes and don't commit murder in front of interconnected drone cams, you're pretty much fine. Unless there's a part where the MC has to infiltrate a government base, I'd usually try to disassociate the two.

The stray was caught in crossfire, unlike the human which was supposed to be dead. But if you were to put him in a similar scenario, he'd most likely try to pull that guy to visible areas where someone else can call for help. Think about it. In a demoralized world, seeing a human-turned-robot with a staff and a dead dog will most likely get a ah shit, not this again kind of a response. If it were an actual human being, it'd be oh God, that's a fucking murder. I wouldn't say that the MC has a bias but if you give him the right situation and the perfect opportunity, he'd try his best to keep the guy's heart beating.