Kinda late but I had some time to think. My first suggestion would be to do something about the MC. Your goal to make her stupid is already fulfilled but in my opinion she needs something to make the reader root for her or make her likable.
Is she kind? Hell no, she spent most of her time humiliating her servant staff. Is she passionate? Yes but about all the wrong things, like robbing her fellow unsuspecting students. Is she diligent? No she lazy as fuck. Is she sociable? She didnt even try to connect with the 3 people who visited her but that was partly the fault of her being stupid.
I think she either needs some character growth or a bit of character change. I dont mind her being stupid and dense but everything else on top might be a bit too much? Even as the supposed villainess.
My second suggetion would be to line out what she even wants to achieve. I got the feeling that her priority was to dodge all the traps that make her the villain from the original story. But what exactly made the former Collete the villain? From what I have read, the former owner of the body had no features that would make her a villain. She wasnt engaged to some boy who fell for the heroine nor was she unlikable. She was diligent, smart, meek and probably had good looks. She was only lacking in the social department.
But that was something even Coco was contemplating about. That maybe Collete became the villain because of some transmigration mumbo jumbo. Because she is on the best way to become the villain.
My third suggestions is to do something about the story flow. The episodic nature is probably okay because its a slice of life story but some info inbetween would be handy. For example, chapter eleven was about the last bit of the auction and her encounter with the diciplinary guy on her way to the bank -> chapter 12 was her first day of the school start. There were several days inbetween and you could have outlined in a paragraph what happend in those days. Nothing major but something that would make the transition seamless.
The same is true for chapters itself. Chapter 3 for example, she was for maybe ~1-2 hours Collete after her breakdown in her appartment and then woke up in the hospital with Eva by her side.
What exactly happend to her in the time she was unconscious? How long was she out? Who found her? What happend? It would be natural for the person in question to ask about that even if she is kinda slow in the head.
Eva's engagement came also as a surprise. Yesterday they spent the day together doing all kinds of stuff and also talking about the one guy from the game to be husband material and then she wakes up the next day and Eva shows her the engagement ring. How the hell did that happen?
I might be pendatic in that regard but I like a bit of build up. Friends are supposed to know what happens in each others life and talk about it. That is even more true if you have a character driven slice of life story.
I hope it helps but keep in mind that Im neither an experienced author nor good at reviewing, my little story is not even at a stage to be published on SC. Just someone who reads alot.
I am curious and always eager to broaden my intellectual horizon:
