Step One: Get off the internet for more than 30 minutes.
Step Two: careful go out from your mothers basement, as your stench is the reason she is in a coma.
Step Three: Carefully drive an 18-wheeler with a trailer attached through your house.
Step Four: Exit the 18-Wheeler after causing mass destruction to your home. (Water piping should be destroyed at this point spring water in the air, if not drive the the truck around for a bit more till you get a fountain effect.
Step Five: Grab detergent, bleach, and fabric softener so you can do laundry at the same time.
Step Six: Dump all the liquids on you.
Step Seven: Shriek in unbelievable pain because you just poured bleach on to yourself and it is burning your orifices.
Step Eight: Roll around in pain the pool of water
Step Nine: Pass out from said pain.
Step Ten: Wake up in hospital with terrible chemical burns; but you are finally clean!