Please give feedback on the first chapter of my novel?

[NefariousSage]

Hi! I just put up the first chapter of my first novel. I'm a little unsure about it, so I would greatly appreciate any feedback on it!

The Sunset Aspect

The crown princess of the mighty kingdom of Vailen is hiding a terrible secret from her people. When her plans go awry, there’s no telling how far she’ll go to keep her name clear. Aided by her bookish younger brother, the two encounter trouble after trouble in an...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[keitaro-sempai]

It doesn't have anything that drives you into want more. More than a first chapter seems like an interlude beetween chapters or something. That's what I think

 

[maharlika]

hmmm. . . it doesn't really feel like a first chapter, actually. maybe you should add more information? like the banquet and stuff.

 

[gahara31]

I feel it is decent. The writing flow well, I didn't find anything wrong with Edith and Karina interaction but I had too agree with comment above that this doesn't felt like the first chapter. I know Edith is princess and Karina is her maid and from the way they spoke to each other Edith is decent as a person and actually care enough about others life, the problem is just I have no idea what the problem is and where is the story going to be. Usually in the first chapter I would know the basic genre of the story and what to expect in the future, be it relationship problem, an unexpected death, a little monologue of MC mind, something to begin the story. Dressing problem isn't really a good way to begin the story, that just a minor problem isn't it?

 

[NefariousSage]

hmmm. . . it doesn't really feel like a first chapter, actually. maybe you should add more information? like the banquet and stuff.

I totally agree! I normally would have, but I was being impatient and just wanted to get it posted. That will be the next chapter, for sure.

 

[NefariousSage]

I feel it is decent. The writing flow well, I didn't find anything wrong with Edith and Karina interaction but I had too agree with comment above that this doesn't felt like the first chapter. I know Edith is princess and Karina is her maid and from the way they spoke to each other Edith is decent as a person and actually care enough about others life, the problem is just I have no idea what the problem is and where is the story going to be. Usually in the first chapter I would know the basic genre of the story and what to expect in the future, be it relationship problem, an unexpected death, a little monologue of MC mind, something to begin the story. Dressing problem isn't really a good way to begin the story, that just a minor problem isn't it?

Thank you for all the input! I'm not 100% satisfied with this chapter, so I see where you're coming from. Definitely going to go back and rewrite at some point.