Please review my story

morhamza

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Mar 29, 2021
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So I started a new series. It's my first ever story I'm putting out there. It's called Eterna. So far I have 2 chapters up, just over 3 thousand words written. Can some please read and review it for me? I'm not getting any feedback from anywhere, and I would really like to know if I'm doing well, what I could do better and any helpful tips. Specifically, I want to know if the pacing is alright, if the story seems interesting, if anyone would continue reading.
Here is a link to the series.
 

SeaHiatus

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Really nice story to read. While the synopsis didn't really pull me in with the follow-this-character line, I liked the story.

What I suggest though is to either indent at the beginning of your paragraphs or put a line space after each paragraph (this makes it much better to read).

First chapter sounded like he was recalling the past to someone so it was nice in that the character lined up what he was and the conflicts. Second chapter, although it took me awhile to realize it was talking about the event from when aurel lost the eye, it was a pretty good hook and made me more interested to read it more than the first chapter. I liked how detailed you were in characterizing the Lycans and really brought out why they were so hated.

Good story. Unique story on ScribbleHub compared to what I've seen a bit. There is a line in the second chapter that feels a bit weird but I'll comment on it when I login to the main ScribbleHub platform.
 

morhamza

New member
Joined
Mar 29, 2021
Messages
15
Points
3
Really nice story to read. While the synopsis didn't really pull me in with the follow-this-character line, I liked the story.

What I suggest though is to either indent at the beginning of your paragraphs or put a line space after each paragraph (this makes it much better to read).

First chapter sounded like he was recalling the past to someone so it was nice in that the character lined up what he was and the conflicts. Second chapter, although it took me awhile to realize it was talking about the event from when aurel lost the eye, it was a pretty good hook and made me more interested to read it more than the first chapter. I liked how detailed you were in characterizing the Lycans and really brought out why they were so hated.

Good story. Unique story on ScribbleHub compared to what I've seen a bit. There is a line in the second chapter that feels a bit weird but I'll comment on it when I login to the main ScribbleHub platform.
Oh my God, thank you. About the synopsis, without a doubt, I would need to rewrite that. I intend for the whole story to be kind of a recollection of events since it's written from the first-person point of view, but I am not confident enough to pull it off. And I was thinking of introducing really strong language on the next upload. The draft I have has some swear words.
About the spacing between paragraphs, I am going to edit the chapters now, thanks for the suggestion.
 

SeaHiatus

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Oh my God, thank you. About the synopsis, without a doubt, I would need to rewrite that. I intend for the whole story to be kind of a recollection of events since it's written from the first-person point of view, but I am not confident enough to pull it off. And I was thinking of introducing really strong language on the next upload. The draft I have has some swear words.
About the spacing between paragraphs, I am going to edit the chapters now, thanks for the suggestion.
Np! ;)
 

morhamza

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Mar 29, 2021
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Your had me bored by the time I finished reading your synopsis.
Ok, but did you read the story or just stop after reading the synopsis? I'll eventually get around to changing the synopsis, but what I want to know is how the story itself reads.
Is it boring to you? Why is it so? What do you think could make it interesting?
 
Joined
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Ok, but did you read the story or just stop after reading the synopsis? I'll eventually get around to changing the synopsis, but what I want to know is how the story itself reads.
Is it boring to you? Why is it so? What do you think could make it interesting?
Please DM me.
 
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