Post your female character and I'll tell you what I think of her from my male reader's perspective

SailusGebel

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 7, 2020
Messages
8,884
Points
233
Honestly speaking, the latter was my template for designing her. It was all I had when first making her. I intended her to be the lewd mission control person/mentor who is actually quite strong, who knows a lot about the other dimension but prefers to keep mum to the general public because of an affinity in balance/status quo/whatnot. Also an extroverted stark contrast to the cool, introverted main duo and the demure yet cunning childhood friend character (brown hair in sig).

I had many inspirations, but I think the strongest influence on her creation is Black Bullet's Sumire, if you watched that show. Both in appearance and attitude, but with the lazy, the horny, and the thirst turned all the way up (for my genre, at least)

I actually haven't thought that far ahead with explaining her behavior. What I did, however, was tie her to the origin story of the whole series, like how she, along with the main villain of the story, was one of those responsible for breaching the barrier between the two worlds.

Thanks for pointing the former out. Something that I can consider while writing. After all, her character arc is going to be scattered around in volumes 4 and 5, so there's plenty of time to do it.
If you are going to explain her behavior later on, then everything is good.
Do note the edit I've added to the previous post.

Society has a strong religious background associated with magic - for them, the stronger your magic/magical traits are the more you are seen as blessed by the gods. This si why she keeps her ears and tail visibly shown at all times - they are the proof of her blessing.

The world has very hard and strong wildlife as such most countries rely on walls either natural or manmade to keep wild magical animals at bay so that land can be farmed in peace. Due to that, strength is seen as a necessity of survival - you are either strong or you serve the strong who protect you.

There are stories of the past when the Gods have granted their people Gifts - first was the gift of magic (and magical strength) to protect themselves and second was the gift of safety that allowed them to establish their early borders and purge the land from monsters. The twin braids up front are the show of reverence to these two gifts. Due to that, society is heavily magocratic and meritocratic. The lands are ruled by a council of seven major families with each family both having plenty of mages and wealth as well as the divine decree to maintain the certain aspect of the country. Whether it is trade, infrastructure or defences.

She is the branch leader of the trade house. for her to become a master of a family is akin to be raised to the status of seven leaders of the country. Is it pride? yes. It is also her upbringing - she was raised on the notion that this was what all should strive for.

her strength doesn't make her stand out since it is a normal aspect of the ruling class - it actually makes her normal among them. If she was jealous of the heiress it was most likely in the past which made her so desperate to gain her current skills and abilities. Her current status is actually above heiress because she is already leading her own family.

I am currently 120k words or so into my novel and currently finishing the climax. I should finish it within a month or two.

The reason I am explaining the society is that, as a character, she is the face of that society both to the MC and to readers. It is through their interactions the general viewpoint of the noble society is revealed. She looks a bit generic based on the society exactly for that reason, if she was too unique she would be a bad example.
First of all your Edit. I don't know what a 'lancer' means. Nor do I agree that character shouldn't be unique. A single trait\quirk is needed to discern your character from the sea of others. I know that there are main characters, side characters, and so on. Yeah, I guess the tertiary characters may be left without any details. Not so sure about those who have more 'screen time.'
Perhaps I don't quite get what you mean here. She looks like a tool. A tool to familiarize people with the part of your setting. The problem that I see(don't know about others) she doesn't feel like a person. Instead of a person who tells a story, she sounds like a tool that can be omitted.
In the end, as I see it(I may be wrong) you didn't quite explain her personality. You explained everything around her, the world background, but it doesn't feel connected to her personality. I can't see\envision\imagine how she was raised, how she reacted to being raised. How she developed this character, what feelings she has, how she will react to different life situations. Btw nothing wrong with making a 'tool' character.
Once again, I can be wrong here, but that's my honest opinion.
 
Last edited:

Snusmumriken

Vagabond and traveller
Joined
May 22, 2021
Messages
449
Points
103
First of all your Edit. I don't know what a 'lancer' means. Nor do I agree that character shouldn't be unique. A single trait\quirk is needed to discern your character from the sea of others. I know that there are main characters, side characters, and so on. Yeah, I guess the tertiary characters may be left without any details. Not so sure about those who have more 'screen time.'
Perhaps I don't quite get what you mean here. She looks like a tool. A tool to familiarize people with the part of your setting. The problem that I see(don't know about others) she doesn't feel like a person. Instead of a person who tells a story, she sounds like a tool that can be omitted.
In the end, as I see it(I may be wrong) you didn't quite explain her personality. You explained everything around her, the world background, but it doesn't feel connected to her personality. I can't see\envision\imagine how she was raised, how she reacted to being raised. How she developed this character, what feelings she has, how she will react to different life situations. Btw nothing wrong with making a 'tool' character.
Once again, I can be wrong here, but that's my honest opinion.
I am probably not very good at describing characters in a telling manner. I just recently started writing and most of my characterisation is done through their actions, hence why I might be at a loss in how to describe her, without virtually copypasting paragraphs of her interactions. In the novel I didn't just say "oh she is smart" I showed it in her actions. I didn't just state that she likes to talk in questions I showed her doing so.

She is unique - but she is a unique character for this story; not compared to every single character in the world. Every single character within my story has an obvious archetype and personal desires. Her uniqueness comes from her being sensible. She is logical, just and full of manners, but she was also brought up with a completely different set of morals that are known to a modern reader. She is just but her sense of justice is based on "might is right" She is sensible, but her sensibilities come from a society where female mages reign supreme. Her manners are full of poise, but they are the manners of a master that was brought up in a slavery-driven society.

Here is The Lancer trope. Think about Han Solo and Anakin. One is a Hero the other is a Lancer, but it is through their interaction the story moves forward sometimes. By being different they explore and highlight each other.

And every character in the story is a tool. One way or another. Just like the protagonist moves the plot forward and antagonist stands in its way, all the different characters are there to enhance the story, and not just be quirky.
 

Tblew

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 7, 2019
Messages
32
Points
48
Well, I have no idea where the original topic went, lol, but I am always open to any and all critique.

Name: Livia Katrina Valentine
Visual: I had gotten a commission, but looking back, the art style makes her look like she is in her twenties when she is in fact approaching her late teens in the actual story. Still like the style though. (Below)
Description 1: A shallow and spoiled heiress who is engaged to the crown prince of a kingdom. A villainess.
Description 2: Livia isn't a nice girl. She can make polite conversation and be very sweet and docile when she puts her mind to it and be overall, a decent human being, but seriously, she is not the type of person you want to anger. Her true nature is pessimistic, but she tries to give everyone the benefit of doubt. She is open-minded, bold, sly, cunning, and unapologetically herself but also a loner. She does not give to screws what you think about her. She could be nice, but she chooses to be a little mean, and outright snarky. Despite her spikey personality, she is very loyal to the few and cares deeply. An all-or-nothing type of girl. She does not get flustered easily, or so she likes to think, and at the end of the day, she is a survivor.

Thoughts? :o
 

Bartun

Friendly Saurian Neighbor
Joined
Dec 9, 2020
Messages
636
Points
133
Name of character: Nina Valdir
Visuals
Nina1.png

Age: 13
Nina is a Field Priestess, she is kind and caring, willing to help others, as her profession requires.
She has trouble trying to stand for herself, she daydreams almost constantly and people will often remark her mind is in a different place.
She is very smart, although her knowledge doesn't always translate well in the field, and she still needs to learn from more experienced people.
 
Top