Post Your Synopsis & Get Feedback

[Arroww]

By I saw your updated synopsis third paragraph. The hook I feel sounds lot better now. :)

Alright then, thanks a lot for you feedback! Greatly appreciate it!

 

[YuriDoggo]

Oh, I want some help!

Title: Roving Marionettes
Synopsis:

Erika is a simple village girl, bound to the old, unspoken rules of the village. Her greatest wish is to break free from those puppet strings that restrains her and take her fate into her own hands.

Marian is a traveling Rover afflicted with wanderlust. Having lost those she loved on the battlefield, she travels from place to place, trying to fill the emptiness inside her. When Marian finds a village girl trying to find freedom from the shackles she was born into, she extends her hand in aid.

Awakened to a new strength with the help of a benevolent stranger, Erika resolves to cast off her shackles, to lead her own life as she pleases, and to make her mark on a world that is bigger than herself. This time, the one who holds the strings will be her.

The cover's in my signature, btw.

 

[Hadassah]

Oh, I want some help!

Title: Roving Marionettes
Synopsis:

The cover's in my signature, btw.

Hey TypeAxiom, I was thinking about your synopsis and while I love how short it is, I want to make some suggestions to reduce redundancy.

Erika is a simple village girl, bound to the old, unspoken rules of the village. Her greatest wish is to break free from those puppet strings that restrains her and take her fate into her own hands.

I'd drop the first comma (I am comma happy too, no shame there).

Only other comment I have is that 'breaking free of the puppet strings' and 'taking fate into her own hands' imply the same thing and don't tell the audience anything new. What does she actually want to do that she can't? See the world? Learn to fight? Bake bread without measuring exactly to recipe? Give the reader something to look forward to.

Marian is a traveling Rover afflicted with wanderlust. Having lost those she loved on the battlefield, she travels from place to place, trying to fill the emptiness inside her. When Marian finds a village girl trying to find freedom from the shackles she was born into, she extends her hand in aid.

I'd drop the "traveling" before 'Rover'. Its implied by 'wanderlust' and stated in the next sentence. Feel free to put in a different adjective though!

Unless the 'village girl' is someone else other than Erika and this is supposed to be a twist, I'd just go with 'When Marian finds Erika [doing X], she..." I would avoid using more metaphor in the [doing X] because the previous paragraph already has a lot of that, but go for it if you like that. Different tastes for different writers!

Awakened to a new strength with the help of a benevolent stranger, Erika resolves to cast off her shackles, to lead her own life as she pleases, and to make her mark on a world that is bigger than herself. This time, the one who holds the strings will be her.

I would replace 'to cast off her shackles' with something real and material, because it shifts away from the marionette language that the last sentence implies. Is she resolving to leave her family behind? Is she resolving to stand up to her village elders? Show us some conflict, beyond abstract 'tradition'. Why is this a challenge, so we have something to look forward to see a resolution to? What do we get to see Erika overcome?

Love the last sentence! It plays right back into the first paragraph and rounds it out very cleanly!

Overall, it looks good! I wish I could manage to make a story synopsis feel complete so quickly, ha!

 

[YuriDoggo]

This is so helpful! Thank you for all your tips. Yes, I am extremely comma happy. I think half of the commas in my actual writing is there 4fun.

After a few changes, this is what I have. I think that, thanks to you, it's gotten a lot less repetitive.

Erika is a simple village girl bound to the unspoken rules of her village that pushes her to become a good, obedient wife. Her greatest wish is to break free from those puppet strings that restrains her and live as wondrous a life as those characters from her bedtime stories.

Marian is a Rover afflicted with wanderlust. Having lost those she loved on the battlefield, she travels from place to place, trying to fill the emptiness inside her. When Marian finds Erika who so resembles a lost friend, she extends her hand in aid.

Awakened to a new strength with the help of a benevolent stranger, Erika resolves to step beyond the boundaries around the village marked by fairy rings, to lead her own life as she pleases, and to make her mark on a world that is bigger than herself. This time, the one who holds the strings will be her.

 

[Hadassah]

This is so helpful! Thank you for all your tips. Yes, I am extremely comma happy. I think half of the commas in my actual writing is there 4fun.

After a few changes, this is what I have. I think that, thanks to you, it's gotten a lot less repetitive.

Personally, I love it! I get a feel for what's at stake, and get to see what Erika wants all in one. I can relate to her desire for freedom and dreams of fairytale stories. Quick, cute, and clear. Other's may have different suggestions of course, but I like this one a lot.

 

[Ai-chan]

The Tome Called Google
======================

Grigri Runmoore was in trouble. When his father fell in battle, he thought his older brother would run the county as the heir. But a week after their father's funeral, it was discovered that his 'grieving' brother had actually run away from home days before.

Grigri didn't understand why he would run away from his responsibilities. At least, he didn't know until he started opening the county ledger and saw the size of his family's debt. Now he understood why his brother run away. He had no right to criticize his older brother, as he too started entertaining the idea of escaping the house.

What's worse, his two sisters were the very picture of high society girls, with all the accompanying expenses associated to it. He needed a way to get them to stop wasting money, but how would he do that? As he spent more and more time in the family library, trying to find something, anything that could tell him how to deal with his problems, a large, heavy book bound in unknown leather fell out onto the floor.

Written on the front cover was the title 'Google'.

 

[Hadassah]

The Tome Called Google
======================

Grigri Runmoore was in trouble. When his father fell in battle, he thought his older brother would run the county as the heir. But a week after their father's funeral, it was discovered that his 'grieving' brother had actually run away from home days before.

Great start! I think you don't need to make any major changes at all. You might front load with: '... his grieving older brother...' and change the follow up to '...discovered that his missing brother...' so that we as the audience feel the punch of realization with Grigri.

You also might change the passive voice in '... it was discovered...' to tell us who really discovered the truth. I don't have a problem with passive, but *pushes up glasses* passive voice is ""technically"" frowned upon.

Grigri didn't understand why he would run away from his responsibilities. At least, he didn't know until he started opening the county ledger and saw the size of his family's debt. Now he understood why his brother run away. He had no right to criticize his older brother, as he too started entertaining the idea of escaping the house.

I like this overall, I'd just drop the 'Now he understood why his brother run away.' because the same idea is conveyed more decoratively in the next sentence.

Maybe just say '...he too entertained...' just to shorten a bit. I tend to do a lot of those filling words in typing, but unless its a personal cadence thing, its just extra. (I already had to delete 'kind of' twice in my own comments above, to give you an idea, lol, so no shade throwing from me.)

What's worse, his two sisters were the very picture of high society girls, with all the accompanying expenses associated to it. He needed a way to get them to stop wasting money, but how would he do that? As he spent more and more time in the family library, trying to find something, anything that could tell him how to deal with his problems, a large, heavy book bound in unknown leather fell out onto the floor.

Written on the front cover was the title 'Google'.

I'd swap from 'would' to '...but how could he do that?' to change it from an implication of Grigri 'would' absolutely succeed, but more 'could' he even manage this?

Otherwise, no comments or concerns. I think you have a super solid synopsis overall and nothing suggested here is by any means critical. Looks like a fun story and hope it does great!

 

[Ai-chan]

Great start! I think you don't need to make any major changes at all. You might front load with: '... his grieving older brother...' and change the follow up to '...discovered that his missing brother...' so that we as the audience feel the punch of realization with Grigri.

You also might change the passive voice in '... it was discovered...' to tell us who really discovered the truth. I don't have a problem with passive, but *pushes up glasses* passive voice is ""technically"" frowned upon.



I like this overall, I'd just drop the 'Now he understood why his brother run away.' because the same idea is conveyed more decoratively in the next sentence.

Maybe just say '...he too entertained...' just to shorten a bit. I tend to do a lot of those filling words in typing, but unless its a personal cadence thing, its just extra. (I already had to delete 'kind of' twice in my own comments above, to give you an idea, lol, so no shade throwing from me.)



I'd swap from 'would' to '...but how could he do that?' to change it from an implication of Grigri 'would' absolutely succeed, but more 'could' he even manage this?

Otherwise, no comments or concerns. I think you have a super solid synopsis overall and nothing suggested here is by any means critical. Looks like a fun story and hope it does great!

Thanks very much for your input.

 

[ElliePorter]

Title: Training Diary of Sayori-sama

Synopsis: Yuuto Murasaki was invited by his soon-to-be bride, Sayori Homura to her family's summer home in the countryside.

Yuuto thought that this might be his chance to do it with the shy and timid Sayori but she had other plans in mind after they arrive.

 

[Hadassah]

Title: Training Diary of Sayori-sama

Synopsis: Yuuto Murasaki was invited by his soon-to-be bride, Sayori Homura to her family's summer home in the countryside.

Yuuto thought that this might be his chance to do it with the shy and timid Sayori but she had other plans in mind after they arrive.

Absolutely nothing wrong with a very short synopsis, definitely ramps up the mystery. With what's here, I'd maybe just end the second sentence with ellipses after 'other plans in mind' and drop 'after they arrive.' since we know they are going to a summer home.

If you want to leave it here, I'm all for it, but you might turn away readers who want to know what's at stake. Is Sayori planning something sinister? Is this a rivals to lovers plot? Is there something more tragic coming? You don't need to lay it out word for word, but giving us a hint of whats on Sayori's mind other than banging her fiancé would avoid that.

People are going to be scanning the tags for what exactly is going to happen. I know I would, to avoid being turned away by a gory horror, ecchi harem, or secret incest story.

 

[DarklyReadsBooks]

I'm a bit late but....

Title: My Auction System

Synopsis: "Selling Pill to increase your power by one step of anything you're cultivating! "Price will start at 100,000,000 dollars. increase must not be less than 10 million!" Every night at around 12 AM, the shouts of someone selling something from a small store would be heard. But inside this store were races that had never been seen on this universe. Even Gods came to this small store to buy items from a simple looking young man.

 

[Hadassah]

Title: My Auction System

Synopsis: "Selling Pill to increase your power by one step of anything you're cultivating! "Price will start at 100,000,000 dollars. increase must not be less than 10 million!" Every night at around 12 AM, the shouts of someone selling something from a small store would be heard. But inside this store were races that had never been seen on this universe. Even Gods came to this small store to buy items from a simple looking young man.

So I may comb through this sentence by sentence, not because its bad, but because its short. Don't take it as any particular criticism!

- Every night, at around 12 AM, the shouts of someone selling something from a small store could be heard.

Change would to could. Also, I'd put this at the front of the synopsis, to give a sense of setting to the readers, to lead into the big pitch.

If you do move it to the front, I'd change the punctuation from a period "." to a comma "," to connect sentence and quote.

- Auction starts at 100 million dollars. Increments must not be less 10 million!"

Make it clear that this is an auction. (I had to re-read the sentences a couple times to understand). Make the numbering consistent. Either use the word million or always type the zeros. Also, if this is the same shouting as before, you don't need another quotation mark. Its one long quote.

- Inside this store were creatures and races that had never been seen in this universe.

I'd use something like 'creatures and races' rather than just 'races', because I was confused and thought there was some sort of competition involved based on the phrase 'race' alone. I also dropped the 'but' because there isn't any conflict with the previous statement. A young man shouting doesn't preclude a menagerie of people.

---

Overall, its clear you establish what the story is based around. You might consider including a sentence telling us what the young man wants or needs, outside of this job. Does he enjoy what he does? Is he overwhelmed by the new experience? Does he get tired of it and want to quit? Would he rather be spending time on a hobby? is he trapped in his store, unable to visit the worlds of all these people he serves?

The service industry is hard, and I am sure he gets demanding customers. What struggles are he facing? These sort of things drive the readers to be invested. (or they do for me)

 

[Herz]

I'd be thankful if you share your opinions.

Title: Seekers of The End /Seekers of Samsara/

Synopsis:
Luca Lawrence never, even in his wildest dreams, imagined dying at the age of 29. Not to mention being ruthlessly rejected by the Karmic Cycle of rebirth! On the brink of dissipation into nothingness, cursing at the faulty system, he could only grind his teeth and accept the challenge. Well, twenty-two, to be precise.
Facing these ruthless survival games, Luca will have to rely on his knowledge, craftiness, luck, and perhaps a few faithful encounters in order to ultimately grasp the End. However, when it comes to Samsara, the End is just another Beginning.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Title: To be determined.

It is part of a collaboration on a collection of ghost stories.

Synopsis for one of these stories:

This particular story is a one-shot story.

A man rented a cheap cabin on his vacation to Yosemite. For some unknown reason, he became attracted to a small hand mirror that was left in his hotel room. Strange things started to occur.

 

[MoonLight27]

Probably a horrible idea but eh why not? I see some mention they wish they could get some help with their synopsis or how its lacking and they don't know how to write a good one for their story. Not gonna be the one to critique here (I'm not that attentive), but maybe it would be nice to have a place where others can get some critique on their synopsis. I for one know I probably will have to work and tinker out my synopsis for some stories (not published on SH yet).

Post your synopsis or link to your story synopsis. It can even be a synopsis for a story you have in mind, but haven't really written just yet.

See how other critique your synopsis and whether it sounds interesting or need some improvements.

*This is not to review your story, just your synopsis itself. This way it saves time, and it can help straightforward see if the synopsis is interesting or not and needs improvement. A good synopsis is one that hooks you wanting to read more.

*When I mean synopsis, I mean the synopsis you see on ScribbleHub stories.

Hey! Thank you for encouraging me. When everyone was criticizing my writing (though I liked those honest reviews), you said that my novel seems interesting and I should keep writing. Now I have reached chapter 40! I just wanted to know whether my new synopsis seems interesting or confusing...
Novel Name: Destined or Fated?
Synopsis:
She said,
"Fate is nothing but a question which the Deity throws, the answer to it is the choices we make..."

He looked at the small figure in front of him and asked,
"Then what about Destiny??"
....
Yoon Su Yeon, a simple-minded, focused, and a bit nerdy girl. she was having a very normal life until a past incident was brought up again in front of her. She joins hands with a Doctor who is also a part of the underworld, and her life gets tangled with someone whom she never expected.

But the story is not limited to that incident. Her life starts to change slowly and mysteriously when something in the past affects her present life. One by one, she encountered the people from the past who wanted to change something from that time desperately.

Without any recollection of the past life, will Su Yeon be able to help them? Exactly what happened in the past? Is it somehow related to her? Will she choose this life over her simple and stable life? What is this... her fate or a mysterious destiny?
. .
Excerpt 1:
"I don't know anything else! From now on you are my Girlfriend and that is final! We will keep it secret; I will not disturb you and wait for you so you can pursue your career. But you will always be mine!"

Excerpt 2:
He was standing in the corner, looking at a girl who was enjoying with her colleagues, for whom he was waiting for more than 4 years. he whispered, "I think it's enough of waiting now, it's time for us to be together. Little Bunny, will you accept me this time?"

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Hey! Thank you for encouraging me. When everyone was criticizing my writing (though I liked those honest reviews), you said that my novel seems interesting and I should keep writing. Now I have reached chapter 40! I just wanted to know whether my new synopsis seems interesting or confusing...
Novel Name: Destined or Fated?
Synopsis:
She said,
"Fate is nothing but a question which the Deity throws, the answer to it is the choices we make..."

He looked at the small figure in front of him and asked,
"Then what about Destiny??"
....
Yoon Su Yeon, a simple-minded, focused, and a bit nerdy girl. she was having a very normal life until a past incident was brought up again in front of her. She joins hands with a Doctor who is also a part of the underworld, and her life gets tangled with someone whom she never expected.

But the story is not limited to that incident. Her life starts to change slowly and mysteriously when something in the past affects her present life. One by one, she encountered the people from the past who wanted to change something from that time desperately.

Without any recollection of the past life, will Su Yeon be able to help them? Exactly what happened in the past? Is it somehow related to her? Will she choose this life over her simple and stable life? What is this... her fate or a mysterious destiny?
. .
Excerpt 1:
"I don't know anything else! From now on you are my Girlfriend and that is final! We will keep it secret; I will not disturb you and wait for you so you can pursue your career. But you will always be mine!"

Excerpt 2:
He was standing in the corner, looking at a girl who was enjoying with her colleagues, for whom he was waiting for more than 4 years. he whispered, "I think it's enough of waiting now, it's time for us to be together. Little Bunny, will you accept me this time?"

Np. I don't recall helping you but glad you kept writing. :)

Recommend to post your story links in your scribblehub profile page. took a bit to find your story otherwise.

If that is the whole thing it is a bit confusing. The first good chunk sounded distant like a narrator but needs better writing improvement to make it flow nicer, a bit of adding too much description in sentences. Then you have the excerpts which shifts you very close. I think you can do away with the excerpts. Save that for the actual story dialogue and scenes.

not best grammar or written way but...

Yoon Su Yeon is a focused, nerdy, and simple-minded girl, living the average normal life when things suddenly started to change. Mysterious people from her past life are emerging in her present day life, desperately seeking to change something that was so monumental that it left a lasting impact. But without any recollection of her past, Su Yeon can't recall whether she was even connected to it at all. If she helps them on their mission to altering that fateful event, what would happen to her current life?

 

[MoonLight27]

Np. I don't recall helping you but glad you kept writing. :)

Recommend to post your story links in your scribblehub profile page. took a bit to find your story otherwise.

If that is the whole thing it is a bit confusing. The first good chunk sounded distant like a narrator but needs better writing improvement to make it flow nicer, a bit of adding too much description in sentences. Then you have the excerpts which shifts you very close. I think you can do away with the excerpts. Save that for the actual story dialogue and scenes.

not best grammar or written way but...

Yoon Su Yeon is a focused, nerdy, and simple-minded girl, living the average normal life when things suddenly started to change. Mysterious people from her past life are emerging in her present day life, desperately seeking to change something that was so monumental that it left a lasting impact. But without any recollection of her past, Su Yeon can't recall whether she was even connected to it at all. If she helps them on their mission to altering that fateful event, what would happen to her current life?

Ohh.. I will add the link right now!
Believe it or not... but after reading your synopsis, I felt ashamed of my synopsis.
Just now I compared both of them and realised that mine was very confusing and stranded.
*bows in 90 degree* thank you so much!
I am now completely charged up and going to create another synopsis and take yours as base, hope you don't mind

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Ohh.. I will add the link right now!
Believe it or not... but after reading your synopsis, I felt ashamed of my synopsis.
Just now I compared both of them and realised that mine was very confusing and stranded.
*bows in 90 degree* thank you so much!
I am now completely charged up and going to create another synopsis and take yours as base, hope you don't mind

Np. I actually have written a lot less than you so I'm not that good. I'm just an amateur giving advice. Ironic isn't it? XD

Go for it. And hope that synopsis helps. Gl with your story.

 

[MoonLight27]

Np. I actually have written a lot less than you so I'm not that good. I'm just an amateur giving advice. Ironic isn't it? XD

Go for it. And hope that synopsis helps. Gl with your story.

Maybe because you have more talent than me... Good luck with your work too! I am 100% sure that you will achieve your goal soon! I am rooting for you

 

[bOnehEad]

Well, because I've posted some stuff repeatedly for my fantasy novel, how about the synopsis for my sci fi?


When an expedition visits an Earth-like planet, humanity begins to question everything it once knew for certain...

****

Daniel Walden and his newlywed wife Sierra are a strange sort of people, that is - they are both test pilots for the first crewed ships capable of faster than light technology. After initial testing, and they think its time to rest on their laurels and find new jobs, they instead are called to push these new ships to their limits - by traveling to a planet dubbed Demeter.

For some, there is tension about possibly discovering real multicellular life. Some don't care. Some are worried humanity will ruin this planet like they nearly ruined their own. Daniel and Sierra joke about fighting big green monsters.

What they found was so much worse.



This I think, is a bit long, it's a WIP like my fantasy novel, and this one I'm a long time away from putting back online, but I think it has some things I like in it. One of them is a short teaser before the main synopsis that I might do for Rip Current. It gives them a brief idea of what the story is, and then I move into a broader summary. A lot of print books actually seem to have some kind of tagline like this.

Your grammar and writing are a bit immature. if you really consider writing this novel (it's pretty good actually) I support you

Okay... Ill be blunt. If that wall of text is your synopsis, just delete everything but the first five lines.
All the rest can go on the author notes of the first chapter. Having it all on the synopsis t's overwhelming. So please dont.

Okay, in my case my synopsis is a bit too short. But my story is kinda focused on the mystery of what is happening, so I cant go too much into details on the synopsis anyway.

"A brave boy who wanted to live his own life and a stubborn girl who wanted to rise over everyone else.
Fates intertwined, they will go in a journey to uncover the truth, side by side, as the silver-eyed one and calamity approach."

if you really want to write this novel. i suggest halting it cuz this month's trending novel is pretty "light" tho it may be unique but this novel heavily focuses on mysteries and a 'dark' atmosphere while trends are 'lighty'. just like double edge sword. sometimes it may get picked while the latter may be ignored

it actually happened to my friend before. his novel is like shounen type that focuses on CG (character growth) it's good and enjoyable overall my rating would be 4. at that time the novels that are popular are baseless OP characters, so when he posted his novel because of trends the views are exceptionally low (he was a bit popular btw) i remember it was between 234- viewers or something like that even his half-ass novels was at least popular.
literally, he was dedicated and serious on writing his novel as result he got a pretty huge blow on his confidence as a result his work downgraded

(it was after 2 months after his novel are released. his minimal views about 3 digits sometimes 2 so he stopped continuing his release and deleted his works) i somehow envy him cuz he still has loyal readers and im sure in the future it might be popular but that guy was somehow lanky and easliy breaks. i comforted him in various ways but meh that guy probably did not have a balls