Post Your Synopsis & Get Feedback

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One other thing is commas are sorta like pauses when reading. Unless its listing things, having too many commas in one sentence may not make the sentence flow as smooth.

When I read sentences, I imagine as if Im reading it aloud and each comma is like a short pause. If there's too many pauses, it feels stuttering like words out a bit.

For example, I don't think there is a need for a comma after teenager since its not completely separate things as both teenager and struggling with PTSD are what sums up the character's background.

Kendall, a teenager struggling with PTSD from past sexual abuse, has been tormenting her classmate, Robbie, for years.

But for most parts agree with @Yisa4ever
 
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Reisinling

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Good news - hell is full! So you are going to have to find to do something else to do with yourself. How about becoming a tentacle monster, doing small tasks for the gods... and maybe ending the world?
Cute medusas included. Slightly interactive.

Spoilers below for those that want to know more:
It's a story of a guy who reincarnates as a tentacle monster in fantasy world. He grows stronger by doing tasks, which allows him to get loot boxes. Loot boxes content will be suggested by readers, then rolled on discord.
First three weeks daily releases, later on twice a week.
 

Anon_Y_Mousse

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Aight, may as well post my updated synopsis here.

In a world of mystical powers and equally mystical dangers, Dai Gengrui stood at the peak of his world, he united the entire world under his rule, his flag. At 10,000 years old, his empire crumbled, unable to withstand the test of time.

He was betrayed and killed by his own daughter.

Reborn in a new world that even he could not understand, he aimlessly built up power with no sense of purpose, with no will to conquer. That was until he heard the words:

"Yo, would you like to join the Secret Society of Reincarnated Souls?"

He was intrigued.

A Xianxia final boss, a chuunibyou, a "mob" character of an otame game and a mentally unstable sorcerer form a secret organization.

What a disaster looming upon an unsuspecting world of magic and soul weapons.

That's about it.
The story is 44k words long as of now, so if anyone wants to get the gist of it so they can see if the synopsis fits the novel or not, just read chapter 7.
 

Armored99

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Title:
Apocalypse Survivor in a Fantasy World

Synopsis:
A man who's survived in a ruined world for over ten years finally makes a slip, and does so straight through a portal to another world. Trapped on a planet where the very laws of nature are fundamentally different. Follow him as he carves his way through these foreign lands that might be paradise for him, or might not as everything isn't always as it appears.
 

SinOfPride

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Synopsis:
He was born in a dark world - a world where souls were traded like coins, and a person’s life wouldn’t amount to much. A demon who'd been born on the battlefield and survived decades there. A demon who began from the bottom of the hierarchy and gradually ascended to the top.

His name was Leraje. Leraje eventually met his death in the hands of the Demon Lords after years of living and battling on the battlefield. At that time, he believed it was the end. But the world had other plans for him. Within the darkness full of despair, the demon finally awakens, only to discover he was reborn as a human!

Waking up to be faced with a string of mysteries, Leraje finds himself reborn as Seth Darkmore, where he sees a world filled with magic, artifacts, guilds, empires, and otherworldly planes. Follow Seth as he explores the hidden organizations, lost realms, sweeping across worlds, vying to become a supreme existence!
--------------------------
Ive already edited this so much and I dont know where to improve, so i would like feedback please
 

KoyukiMegumi

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I wish I could help you folks, but I suck at that, so I stay quiet. :blob_melt:

My third try Sensei!


Vivian was a special being. First a god-like book, then a girl, who was unaware of her true self.

Until the day, everything crashed down. They labeled her a monster, making her realize that was all she would ever be.

On that fateful day, she also found her mortal mother linked her to two mortal boys, vampire and warlock. Though one twin was destined to perish. If he died, she would too.

A dilemma as she wanted to live, even if it was to spite all others. But was that possible? After all, she was the goddess the evil coven worshiped!

Can she save the boy? Will she allow everyone to define her? Or will she walk her own path, even if it doomed the world?
 
D

Deleted member 45782

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Aight, may as well post my updated synopsis here.

In a world of mystical powers and equally mystical dangers, Dai Gengrui stood at the peak of his world, he united the entire world under his rule, his flag. At 10,000 years old, his empire crumbled, unable to withstand the test of time.

He was betrayed and killed by his own daughter.

Reborn in a new world that even he could not understand, he aimlessly built up power with no sense of purpose, with no will to conquer. That was until he heard the words:

"Yo, would you like to join the Secret Society of Reincarnated Souls?"

He was intrigued.

A Xianxia final boss, a chuunibyou, a "mob" character of an otame game and a mentally unstable sorcerer form a secret organization.

What a disaster looming upon an unsuspecting world of magic and soul weapons.

That's about it.
The story is 44k words long as of now, so if anyone wants to get the gist of it so they can see if the synopsis fits the novel or not, just read chapter 7.
Sounds like something I would wanna read. You have my interest lol.

I wish I could help you folks, but I suck at that, so I stay quiet. :blob_melt:

My third try Sensei!


Vivian was a special being. First a god-like book, then a girl, who was unaware of her true self.

Until the day, everything crashed down. They labeled her a monster, making her realize that was all she would ever be.

They labeled her a monster, and realization hit her as that was all she would ever be.
On that fateful day, she also found her mortal mother linked her to two mortal boys, a vampire and a warlock. Though one twin was destined to perish. If he died, she would too.

A dilemma as
since she wanted to live, even if it was to spite all others. But was that possible? After all, she was the goddess the evil coven worshiped!

Can she save the boy? Will she allow everyone to define her? Or will she walk her own path, even if it doomed the world?
Not sure if you're doing the similar to what I did before, which was making sentences paragraphs. Bit interesting. Not bad.

Title:
Apocalypse Survivor in a Fantasy World

Synopsis:
A man who's survived in a ruined world for over ten years finally makes a slip, and does so straight through a portal to another world. Trapped on a planet where the very laws of nature are fundamentally different. Follow him as he carves his way through these foreign lands that might be paradise for him, or might not as everything isn't always as it appears.
Incomplete sentence fragment in bold. First time I read a "follow ___" sentence that didn't deter me from finishing the synopsis. It cuts to the chase. Not bad.

Synopsis:
He was born in a dark world - a world where souls were traded like coins, and a person’s life wouldn’t amount to much. A demon who'd been born on the battlefield and survived decades there. A demon who began from the bottom of the hierarchy and gradually ascended to the top.

His name was Leraje. Leraje eventually met his death in the hands of the Demon Lords after years of living and battling on the battlefield. At that time, he believed it was the end. But the world had other plans for him. Within the darkness full of despair, the demon finally awakens, only to discover he was reborn as a human!
Did he met his death literally in the hands of the Demon Lords, like in the palms of their hands? Or is it at? I'm assuming it should be "at" here. Death at the hands of the Demon Lords. And is the darkness really full of despair itself?

Waking up to be faced with a string of mysteries, Leraje finds himself reborn as Seth Darkmore, where he sees a world filled with magic, artifacts, guilds, empires, and otherworldly planes. Follow Seth as he explores the hidden organizations, lost realms, and sweeping across worlds, and vying to become a supreme existence!
Follow Seth as he explores lost realms and hidden organizations as he sweeps across the lands and vies to become the supreme existence! Idk how else to make this sentence better; first this synopsis must figure out what tense it wants to stick to.
--------------------------
Ive already edited this so much and I dont know where to improve, so i would like feedback please
Incomplete sentence fragments in bold. You have past and present tense mixed in with some of your sentences; stick to one tense and be consistent. Felt like someone was telling me a short biography of a character before launching into what the actual plot of the story is like.
 

CZ2

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Thanks for this thread

This is a syponisis for a light-hearted lewd comedy fic.

As a twenty-year-old Professional Pianist, I practice every day on my piano that I've owned since I was a little boy. I'm by no means a prodigy, but I am fairly skilled, at least, enough to make a living in orchestras and concerts.

Though during one of my practices, my piano suddenly turned into a girl.

What now?
 

ObaSuzu

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Well, here goes nothing.

Synopsis of Bike Hero

A lonely Japanese American boy suffers the worst of the worst of his life. However, a terrifying but fortunate lab experiment gives him powers, and thus the "Bike Hero" tale begins. Written in a poetry-like structure and inspired by Kamen Rider.
 

Gallas

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This is mine. What do you think about it?

Title : Clara's Journey

Synopsis :

"Isn't it better if I had never been born if my life is just full of suffering?"

Clara was born with a weak constitution. For most of her life, she lived in a beautiful cage called home. As if her suffering wasn't enough, her father who left for adventure never returned.

She is desperate to die, but an unknown entity, Raph, ends up changing her life, forever.

"Turns out, life isn't all bad."

After being tricked, ahem, convinced by Raph, Clara decided to embark on her own journey.

Her first destination was the Heroes City of Denia where she would join the Adventure Alliance. However, an incident occurred in this city and she was caught up in it...

Note: this is not episodic story like Kino no Tabi.
 

Spilled_Soup

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Genre: Litrpg, System apocalypse
Title: The Bladed Legend by Spilled Soup
This is a new story I'm working on, haven't posted it yet or anything

Synopsis
On a beautiful summer day, Dexter's world ended. Yet somehow he found himself in a new world that bore an eerie resemblance to one of his indie games, complete with a system he spent a year designing. Sadly, the local wildlife couldn't care less. They'd rather see their God served up on a silver platter, roasted to perfection. Well, what else is he to do besides show them who's boss?

The challenges he'll soon face are new–complete with a PvP addition that offers more problems than he ever expected. But with foreknowledge of the skill system, it's only a matter of time before the legend of his blades reach the ends of the multiverse.
 
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D

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Just a reminder but if anyone wants to offer feedback on another user's synopsis, feel free do so as well. The more chime in, the bigger pool of advices to select from. Its good to sometimes hear from more than one person. ;)
 

Muddy

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I feel bad about abandoning this thread, so quickly popping in again for some fast feedback. I am however, seeing a lot of the same flaws being repeated, so a bit of general advice first:

A good synopsis will tell potential readers why they should invest time in your story. That means it will often answer at least one, sometimes two or three of these questions:
  • Who is your protagonist, and why should I care about them?
  • What are they trying to achieve, and why should I care about that?
  • What is preventing them from achieving their goal?
  • What sets this story apart from the dozens of stories with a similar premise?
Another thing to keep in mind is that you want to use all of the tools you have available to attract readers: cover, title, tags, and synopsis. If all your synopsis does is dryly rehash what you've already stated in the title and the tags, then you haven't used the synopsis to its full potential. A synopsis should provide extra incentive beyond what title and tags can deliver.

Now, on to the crits:

As a twenty-year-old Professional Pianist, I practice every day on my piano that I've owned since I was a little boy. I'm by no means a prodigy, but I am fairly skilled, at least, enough to make a living in orchestras and concerts.

Though during one of my practices, my piano suddenly turned into a girl.

What now?
professional pianist, practice every day, owned since I was a little boy, fairly skilled, make a living in orchestra and concerts. That's a lot of different ways to mostly state the same thing, and after all of that, I still don't know anything more about your protagonist than that he plays the piano, and that he's probably self-centered.

Beyond that, the latter part, aside from being barely more than a repeat of your title, is actually surprisingly solid. It's blunt, it's deadpan, and that's what makes it work. It's a very unapologetic, tongue-in-cheek way of stating, "yeah that's really all this story is, so sue me. I'm writing this and I'm having fun with it"

It's not really my style of synopsis, and secretly I'd like something a little more fleshed out, but for the kind of story you're going for, it's perfect. Just, maybe doing something more with that first paragraph.

A lonely Japanese American boy suffers the worst of the worst of his life. However, a terrifying but fortunate lab experiment gives him powers, and thus the "Bike Hero" tale begins. Written in a poetry-like structure and inspired by Kamen Rider.

Lonely kid, sad youth, suddenly superhero powers. The problem with that summary is that it sums up the backstory of the vast majority of superheroes out there. You need to say more, state why this is different than all the others.

Kamen Rider stands out, but it's not super-mainstream and thus suffers the same double-edged sword fate as fanfiction: likely to pull in fans of Kamen Rider, likely to scare away anyone who doesn't know what it is. Not necessarily a negative, just something to be aware of.

That leaves "Written in a poetry-like structure" as the only stand-out element of the synopsis. I like it. I really like it. It is daring. It contrasts nicely with the superhero premise. No one expects the Spanish inquisition superhero poetry. Know that it might be a little too daring for the Scribblehub audience though, likely to scare away some readers with flashback nightmares to high school poetry assignments.

"Isn't it better if I had never been born if my life is just full of suffering?"

Clara was born with a weak constitution. For most of her life, she lived in a beautiful cage called home. As if her suffering wasn't enough, her father who left for adventure never returned.

She is desperate to die, but an unknown entity, Raph, ends up changing her life, forever.

"Turns out, life isn't all bad."

After being tricked, ahem, convinced by Raph, Clara decided to embark on her own journey.

Her first destination was the Heroes City of Denia where she would join the Adventure Alliance. However, an incident occurred in this city and she was caught up in it...

Note: this is not episodic story like Kino no Tabi.

This one is a little rough, but underneath that roughness lies a spark of something brighter. The underlying premise is a generic fantasy adventure, yet it projects the feeling of a more honest, more sincere, more exploration and wonder-filled, less testosterone-laden execution of this basic motif.

The details of the synopsis require a bit of work though, often evoking more honest confusion, than a general interest in me. It just has this weird combination of tiny little details and incongruent broad strokes.

The protagonist has such a weak constitution that she can't leave the house but goes adventuring anyway. How does that work? is this Raph's doing? Raph is a rather generic name for someone described as a "mysterious entity". So what makes him mysterious then? Clara was tricked by Raph but was housebound before that. Does that mean her mom was taking care of her? What do her caretakers think about this Raph's intrusion and almost kidnapping of Clara? And then on one hand Clara was deeply affected by her father's disappearance when adventuring, on the other hand, she simply goes out adventuring herself, and it's apparently not related to her father's disappearance in any way?

A good synopsis is supposed to evoke some questions and pique the interest that way. But this one evokes too many of them. So maybe tighten that up a little bit, focus on one to three big questions you want your potential readers asking, instead of "all of them questions".

On a beautiful summer day, Dexter's world ended. Yet somehow he found himself in a new world that bore an eerie resemblance to one of his indie games, complete with a system he spent a year designing. Sadly, the local wildlife couldn't care less. They'd rather see their God served up on a silver platter, roasted to perfection. Well, what else is he to do besides show them who's boss?

The challenges he'll soon face are new–complete with a PvP addition that offers more problems than he ever expected. But with foreknowledge of the skill system, it's only a matter of time before the legend of his blades reach the ends of the multiverse.

First impression: classic reincarnated in my novel/game premise, but with some tiny twists: local wildlife appears to know he's the creator of the world, and someone/something messed with the system and bolted a PvP on top. Those two details hint at you doing more than just a rehash of the same tired premise. But then you end it with a generic sentence that appears to ignore these little extra details. So this just leaves me confused: is there more to this, or not?

This confusion leaves you without standout elements. The premise might be generic, and besides their name, we know nothing about your protagonist or their goals. So I'm going to advise you to think a little more about your hook here. What are your standout qualities? What is supposed to draw the readers in?
 

Spilled_Soup

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Aug 21, 2020
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I feel bad about abandoning this thread, so quickly popping in again for some fast feedback. I am however, seeing a lot of the same flaws being repeated, so a bit of general advice first:

A good synopsis will tell potential readers why they should invest time in your story. That means it will often answer at least one, sometimes two or three of these questions:
  • Who is your protagonist, and why should I care about them?
  • What are they trying to achieve, and why should I care about that?
  • What is preventing them from achieving their goal?
  • What sets this story apart from the dozens of stories with a similar premise?
Another thing to keep in mind is that you want to use all of the tools you have available to attract readers: cover, title, tags, and synopsis. If all your synopsis does is dryly rehash what you've already stated in the title and the tags, then you haven't used the synopsis to its full potential. A synopsis should provide extra incentive beyond what title and tags can deliver.

Now, on to the crits:


professional pianist, practice every day, owned since I was a little boy, fairly skilled, make a living in orchestra and concerts. That's a lot of different ways to mostly state the same thing, and after all of that, I still don't know anything more about your protagonist than that he plays the piano, and that he's probably self-centered.

Beyond that, the latter part, aside from being barely more than a repeat of your title, is actually surprisingly solid. It's blunt, it's deadpan, and that's what makes it work. It's a very unapologetic, tongue-in-cheek way of stating, "yeah that's really all this story is, so sue me. I'm writing this and I'm having fun with it"

It's not really my style of synopsis, and secretly I'd like something a little more fleshed out, but for the kind of story you're going for, it's perfect. Just, maybe doing something more with that first paragraph.



Lonely kid, sad youth, suddenly superhero powers. The problem with that summary is that it sums up the backstory of the vast majority of superheroes out there. You need to say more, state why this is different than all the others.

Kamen Rider stands out, but it's not super-mainstream and thus suffers the same double-edged sword fate as fanfiction: likely to pull in fans of Kamen Rider, likely to scare away anyone who doesn't know what it is. Not necessarily a negative, just something to be aware of.

That leaves "Written in a poetry-like structure" as the only stand-out element of the synopsis. I like it. I really like it. It is daring. It contrasts nicely with the superhero premise. No one expects the Spanish inquisition superhero poetry. Know that it might be a little too daring for the Scribblehub audience though, likely to scare away some readers with flashback nightmares to high school poetry assignments.



This one is a little rough, but underneath that roughness lies a spark of something brighter. The underlying premise is a generic fantasy adventure, yet it projects the feeling of a more honest, more sincere, more exploration and wonder-filled, less testosterone-laden execution of this basic motif.

The details of the synopsis require a bit of work though, often evoking more honest confusion, than a general interest in me. It just has this weird combination of tiny little details and incongruent broad strokes.

The protagonist has such a weak constitution that she can't leave the house but goes adventuring anyway. How does that work? is this Raph's doing? Raph is a rather generic name for someone described as a "mysterious entity". So what makes him mysterious then? Clara was tricked by Raph but was housebound before that. Does that mean her mom was taking care of her? What do her caretakers think about this Raph's intrusion and almost kidnapping of Clara? And then on one hand Clara was deeply affected by her father's disappearance when adventuring, on the other hand, she simply goes out adventuring herself, and it's apparently not related to her father's disappearance in any way?

A good synopsis is supposed to evoke some questions and pique the interest that way. But this one evokes too many of them. So maybe tighten that up a little bit, focus on one to three big questions you want your potential readers asking, instead of "all of them questions".



First impression: classic reincarnated in my novel/game premise, but with some tiny twists: local wildlife appears to know he's the creator of the world, and someone/something messed with the system and bolted a PvP on top. Those two details hint at you doing more than just a rehash of the same tired premise. But then you end it with a generic sentence that appears to ignore these little extra details. So this just leaves me confused: is there more to this, or not?

This confusion leaves you without standout elements. The premise might be generic, and besides their name, we know nothing about your protagonist or their goals. So I'm going to advise you to think a little more about your hook here. What are your standout qualities? What is supposed to draw the readers in?
I like generic. Every one likes generic, that's why it's generic lol. But I did take your feedback into account and added a few details that I believe improves it, if just a tiny bit.

synopsis

Dexter was playing his guitar on a beautiful summer day, when his world ended. Yet somehow he found himself in a new world that bore an eerie resemblance to one of his indie games, complete with a system he spent a year designing. Sadly, the local dungeon bosses couldn't care less. They'd rather see their God served up on a silver platter, roasted to perfection. Well, what else is he to do besides show them who's boss?

Inside the Labyrinth, he'll face new challenges–complete with a PvP addition that offers more problems than he ever expected. But with foreknowledge of the skill system, it's only a matter of time before the songs of his blades reach the ends of the multiverse.

However, such a heretical dissident will not be tolerated. And as forces conspire against him, Dexter must uncover the secrets of the Labyrinth, along with his part in its creation.
 

Gallas

Active member
Joined
Aug 3, 2021
Messages
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Points
43
I feel bad about abandoning this thread, so quickly popping in again for some fast feedback. I am however, seeing a lot of the same flaws being repeated, so a bit of general advice first:

A good synopsis will tell potential readers why they should invest time in your story. That means it will often answer at least one, sometimes two or three of these questions:
  • Who is your protagonist, and why should I care about them?
  • What are they trying to achieve, and why should I care about that?
  • What is preventing them from achieving their goal?
  • What sets this story apart from the dozens of stories with a similar premise?
Another thing to keep in mind is that you want to use all of the tools you have available to attract readers: cover, title, tags, and synopsis. If all your synopsis does is dryly rehash what you've already stated in the title and the tags, then you haven't used the synopsis to its full potential. A synopsis should provide extra incentive beyond what title and tags can deliver.

Now, on to the crits:


professional pianist, practice every day, owned since I was a little boy, fairly skilled, make a living in orchestra and concerts. That's a lot of different ways to mostly state the same thing, and after all of that, I still don't know anything more about your protagonist than that he plays the piano, and that he's probably self-centered.

Beyond that, the latter part, aside from being barely more than a repeat of your title, is actually surprisingly solid. It's blunt, it's deadpan, and that's what makes it work. It's a very unapologetic, tongue-in-cheek way of stating, "yeah that's really all this story is, so sue me. I'm writing this and I'm having fun with it"

It's not really my style of synopsis, and secretly I'd like something a little more fleshed out, but for the kind of story you're going for, it's perfect. Just, maybe doing something more with that first paragraph.



Lonely kid, sad youth, suddenly superhero powers. The problem with that summary is that it sums up the backstory of the vast majority of superheroes out there. You need to say more, state why this is different than all the others.

Kamen Rider stands out, but it's not super-mainstream and thus suffers the same double-edged sword fate as fanfiction: likely to pull in fans of Kamen Rider, likely to scare away anyone who doesn't know what it is. Not necessarily a negative, just something to be aware of.

That leaves "Written in a poetry-like structure" as the only stand-out element of the synopsis. I like it. I really like it. It is daring. It contrasts nicely with the superhero premise. No one expects the Spanish inquisition superhero poetry. Know that it might be a little too daring for the Scribblehub audience though, likely to scare away some readers with flashback nightmares to high school poetry assignments.



This one is a little rough, but underneath that roughness lies a spark of something brighter. The underlying premise is a generic fantasy adventure, yet it projects the feeling of a more honest, more sincere, more exploration and wonder-filled, less testosterone-laden execution of this basic motif.

The details of the synopsis require a bit of work though, often evoking more honest confusion, than a general interest in me. It just has this weird combination of tiny little details and incongruent broad strokes.

The protagonist has such a weak constitution that she can't leave the house but goes adventuring anyway. How does that work? is this Raph's doing? Raph is a rather generic name for someone described as a "mysterious entity". So what makes him mysterious then? Clara was tricked by Raph but was housebound before that. Does that mean her mom was taking care of her? What do her caretakers think about this Raph's intrusion and almost kidnapping of Clara? And then on one hand Clara was deeply affected by her father's disappearance when adventuring, on the other hand, she simply goes out adventuring herself, and it's apparently not related to her father's disappearance in any way?

A good synopsis is supposed to evoke some questions and pique the interest that way. But this one evokes too many of them. So maybe tighten that up a little bit, focus on one to three big questions you want your potential readers asking, instead of "all of them questions".



First impression: classic reincarnated in my novel/game premise, but with some tiny twists: local wildlife appears to know he's the creator of the world, and someone/something messed with the system and bolted a PvP on top. Those two details hint at you doing more than just a rehash of the same tired premise. But then you end it with a generic sentence that appears to ignore these little extra details. So this just leaves me confused: is there more to this, or not?

This confusion leaves you without standout elements. The premise might be generic, and besides their name, we know nothing about your protagonist or their goals. So I'm going to advise you to think a little more about your hook here. What are your standout qualities? What is supposed to draw the readers in?
Thank you for the feedback.

Though I am still confused about how to tighten the synopsis. Well, I will rearrange that.
 

killwrites

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Hi! Please give your thoughts on my synopsis for a story that I'm currently working on?



The protracted war against humanity's proclaimed enemy, the faerie race, is falling out of favor.

Orphaned from birth, fifteen-year-old Shun enlisted in the military of the Kingdom with the promise of food, shelter and a stable income. However, his expectations quickly shattered when he was chosen to join the United Alliance on the frontlines. Amidst the growing anti-war sentiment, the mystery behind the elusive faeries and betrayal by his allies, a young soldier, accompanied by an unlikely companion, paves his way through the battlefield to find his purpose in a purposeless war.
 
D

Deleted member 45782

Guest
Hi! Please give your thoughts on my synopsis for a story that I'm currently working on?



The protracted war against humanity's proclaimed enemy, the faerie race, is falling out of favor.

Orphaned from birth, fifteen-year-old Shun enlisted in the military of the Kingdom with the promise of food, shelter and a stable income. However, his expectations quickly shattered when he was chosen to join the United Alliance on the frontlines. Amidst the growing anti-war sentiment, the mystery behind the elusive faeries and betrayal by his allies, a young soldier, accompanied by an unlikely companion, paves his way through the battlefield to find his purpose in a purposeless war.
I like the second paragraph. There are some subtle things but since I'm unsure whether it does need improvement or not, I don't think I'll mention it. Your synopsis seems off to a decent good start; I liked the first two sentences of your second paragraph.
 

killwrites

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I like the second paragraph. There are some subtle things but since I'm unsure whether it does need improvement or not, I don't think I'll mention it. Your synopsis seems off to a decent good start; I liked the first two sentences of your second paragraph.
Thanks for the feedback! I'm just curious about what subtleties you were talking about tho... also, will it be better to break up the third sentence of the 2nd para and provide more context? since it is supposed to contain the essence of the plot but you didn't mention liking it?
 
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