Post Your Synopsis & Get Feedback

[Deleted member 45782]

Thanks for the feedback! I'm just curious about what subtleties you were talking about tho... also, will it be better to break up the third sentence of the 2nd para and provide more context? since it is supposed to contain the essence of the plot but you didn't mention liking it?

Rereading it over. Last one seems fine.

Orphaned from birth, fifteen-year-old Shun enlisted in the Kingdom's military with the promise of food, shelter and a stable income. However, his expectations are quickly shattered when he was chosen to join the United Alliance on the frontlines. Amidst the growing anti-war sentiment, the mystery behind the elusive faeries and betrayal by his allies, a young soldier, accompanied by an unlikely companion, paves his way through the battlefield to find his purpose in a purposeless war.

Nm. I think its a decent start.

 

[SakeVision]

I feel bad about abandoning this thread, so quickly popping in again for some fast feedback. I am however, seeing a lot of the same flaws being repeated, so a bit of general advice first:

A good synopsis will tell potential readers why they should invest time in your story. That means it will often answer at least one, sometimes two or three of these questions:

• Who is your protagonist, and why should I care about them?
• What are they trying to achieve, and why should I care about that?
• What is preventing them from achieving their goal?
• What sets this story apart from the dozens of stories with a similar premise?

Another thing to keep in mind is that you want to use all of the tools you have available to attract readers: cover, title, tags, and synopsis. If all your synopsis does is dryly rehash what you've already stated in the title and the tags, then you haven't used the synopsis to its full potential. A synopsis should provide extra incentive beyond what title and tags can deliver.

Now, on to the crits:


professional pianist, practice every day, owned since I was a little boy, fairly skilled, make a living in orchestra and concerts. That's a lot of different ways to mostly state the same thing, and after all of that, I still don't know anything more about your protagonist than that he plays the piano, and that he's probably self-centered.

Beyond that, the latter part, aside from being barely more than a repeat of your title, is actually surprisingly solid. It's blunt, it's deadpan, and that's what makes it work. It's a very unapologetic, tongue-in-cheek way of stating, "yeah that's really all this story is, so sue me. I'm writing this and I'm having fun with it"

It's not really my style of synopsis, and secretly I'd like something a little more fleshed out, but for the kind of story you're going for, it's perfect. Just, maybe doing something more with that first paragraph.



Lonely kid, sad youth, suddenly superhero powers. The problem with that summary is that it sums up the backstory of the vast majority of superheroes out there. You need to say more, state why this is different than all the others.

Kamen Rider stands out, but it's not super-mainstream and thus suffers the same double-edged sword fate as fanfiction: likely to pull in fans of Kamen Rider, likely to scare away anyone who doesn't know what it is. Not necessarily a negative, just something to be aware of.

That leaves "Written in a poetry-like structure" as the only stand-out element of the synopsis. I like it. I really like it. It is daring. It contrasts nicely with the superhero premise. No one expects the Spanish inquisition superhero poetry. Know that it might be a little too daring for the Scribblehub audience though, likely to scare away some readers with flashback nightmares to high school poetry assignments.



This one is a little rough, but underneath that roughness lies a spark of something brighter. The underlying premise is a generic fantasy adventure, yet it projects the feeling of a more honest, more sincere, more exploration and wonder-filled, less testosterone-laden execution of this basic motif.

The details of the synopsis require a bit of work though, often evoking more honest confusion, than a general interest in me. It just has this weird combination of tiny little details and incongruent broad strokes.

The protagonist has such a weak constitution that she can't leave the house but goes adventuring anyway. How does that work? is this Raph's doing? Raph is a rather generic name for someone described as a "mysterious entity". So what makes him mysterious then? Clara was tricked by Raph but was housebound before that. Does that mean her mom was taking care of her? What do her caretakers think about this Raph's intrusion and almost kidnapping of Clara? And then on one hand Clara was deeply affected by her father's disappearance when adventuring, on the other hand, she simply goes out adventuring herself, and it's apparently not related to her father's disappearance in any way?

A good synopsis is supposed to evoke some questions and pique the interest that way. But this one evokes too many of them. So maybe tighten that up a little bit, focus on one to three big questions you want your potential readers asking, instead of "all of them questions".



First impression: classic reincarnated in my novel/game premise, but with some tiny twists: local wildlife appears to know he's the creator of the world, and someone/something messed with the system and bolted a PvP on top. Those two details hint at you doing more than just a rehash of the same tired premise. But then you end it with a generic sentence that appears to ignore these little extra details. So this just leaves me confused: is there more to this, or not?

This confusion leaves you without standout elements. The premise might be generic, and besides their name, we know nothing about your protagonist or their goals. So I'm going to advise you to think a little more about your hook here. What are your standout qualities? What is supposed to draw the readers in?

beautiful analysis!

now do me! me! do me! Do my original work synopsis because the fic is just a fic! do me!! yesss

 

[Deleted member 45782]

beautiful analysis!

now do me! me! do me! Do my original work synopsis because the fic is just a fic! do me!! yesss

Just curious, did you post a synopsis in this thread?

 

[SakeVision]

Just curious, did you post a synopsis in this thread?

no idea, sir! I was drunk when I made that reply, sir!
I'm still drunk!

 

[EngineGear]

Please share your thoughts on my synopsis:

Title: Radiant Cross Voyage

Synopsis: Daniel Estimar had always dreamed of being an adventurer, seeking out dangerous and exciting experiences, fighting giant monsters; all that good stuff. To say he was excited that he was accepted early into his dream school of Grand Ridge Academy would be an understatement. But, Daniel will soon realize that being an adventurer isn't all sunshine and rainbows. He and his teammates will go through many trials and tribulations to become fully-fledged adventurers. And this is just their first semester.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

no idea, sir! I was drunk when I made that reply, sir!
I'm still drunk!

Interesting synopsis...

 

[Archwizard]

Post your story's synopsis here if you want feedback on it from others. Can be a synopsis of a story idea you have in mind, or a synopsis of a story you already have published on ScribbleHub.

This is to help many of us who wish to improve our synopsis in terms of grammar, making it flow smoother, identifying synopsis's weaknesses, if the synopsis we have is a good fit for our story, etc.

When providing feedback, please explain your reasons on why you feel the synopsis is lacking and provide suggestions on how it can be improved.

* Synopsis refers to Synopsis you see on ScribbleHub.
* This is not reviewing your whole story or its chapters, just the Synopsis itself. Saves time and straightforward how to improve your synopses.

Keep in mind, that a good synopsis is one that hooks the reader into wanting to continue reading on more about your story.

Okay. I will show my synopsis. I don't mind critics either. They are welcomed. Also point out every mistake if seen.
SATANIC TWINS

The journey of two twins in the universe. Encounters of fate and making new friends. Discovering the past for the bright future.
What will happen when two long lost twins meet each other …..??

 

[DarklyReadsBooks]

I mean.. if you're still doing this, I might as well.

Zerinth, was from the technologically advanced Earth, in the year 2391. The world's first fully immersive VR game is about to be released, but all is not as it seems with this game. Why are things from the game happening in real life? Join Zerinth as he tries, and usually fails to uncover the secrets of the new world.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

The journey of two twins in the universe. Encounters of fate and making new friends. Discovering the past for the bright future.

This whole paragraph is full of fragments. Not enough detail to get me interested in either, the synopsis is too vague.

I mean.. if you're still doing this, I might as well.

Zerinth was from the technologically advanced Earth in the year 2391. The world's first fully immersive VR game is about to be released, but all is not as it seems with this game. Why are things from the game happening in real life? Join Zerinth as he tries, and usually fails to uncover the secrets of the new world.

Your first sentence doesn't really need any commas. Got me until the join part. Maybe great for others.

 

[Archwizard]

This whole paragraph is full of fragments. Not enough detail to get me interested in either, the synopsis is too vague.

Your first sentence doesn't really need any commas. Got me until the join part. Maybe great for others.

The dying man words still resounded in her ears even though it had been a long time. "Can't believe brainn....washeddd.. Don't believe themmm...." This words confirmed her long time suspicions.
It was hard to believe that the Tylor family which led the humans to victory against the Krira race invasion, when the other families didn't want involvement.
The truth about them which nobody could ever imagine...

The journey of two twins in the universe. Encounters of fate and making new friends. Discovering the past for the bright future.
What will happen when two long lost twins meet each other …..??

I changed it. So how's it??

 

[SirDogeTheFirst]

I see free feedback so please don't mind if I slap my synopsis.

Title To Create Greatest Monopoly I Will Scam! The Greatest Medicine Master.


Meet with Bob Simpleson, a fifty five years old man who isekaid two years ago, and found the adventuring, not something he can do.
Fighting against demons, hitting cute girls, and creating your legacy is fun if you can use strong magic or handle powerful weapons, but when the best thing you do is brewing cheap potions for other heroes, life is dull as before.

Bob tried to have fun in this new fantasy world for quite some time, but he neither had a powerful cheat skill or a class ability to help him fight against strong monsters.

One day he suddenly retired from adventuring and with his small amount of savings, he wanted to pursue the dream of creating the most largest medicine monopoly in the world of Mae.

Richness, corruption, power, and more richness are waiting for Bob Simpleson.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

The dying man's words still resounded in her ears even though it had been a long time. "Can't believe brainn....washeddd.. Don't believe themmm...." These words confirmed her long time suspicions.
It was hard to believe that the Tylor family which led the humans to victory against the Krira race invasion, when the other families didn't want involvement.
The truth about them which nobody could ever imagine...

The journey of two twins in the universe. Encounters of fate and making new friends. Discovering the past for the bright future.
What will happen when two long lost twins meet each other …..??

I changed it. So how's it??

You still have incomplete sentences. Incomplete thoughts when one reads them sounds like incomplete thoughts. Multiple incomplete thoughts don't hit the message across, unless its intended and done well (mostly only i specific cases). It sounds chunky choppy.

Your first paragraph did not connect why there were two twins in the story.

It was hard to believe that the Tylor family which led the humans to victory against the Krira race invasion, when the other families didn't want involvement.

Incomplete fragment must also have an independent clause to make it a complete sentence, aka a complete thought.

It was hard to believe the Tylor family that led the humans to victory against the Krira race invasion...and then what? That they fell on bad times? That they were the ones that led humans to victory when the other families didn’t? I sense a disconnect from the second part of its sentence. You need to connect how Tylor's family [action or whatever] to those families.

Maybe you're trying to say this
It was hard to believe that the Tylor family led the humans to victory against the Krira invasion, when none of the other families from their class would.

Here it connects that this group is something the Tylor was at least in. So pointing it out is somewhat related to what is going on in the story, or the story's premise.

The truth about them which nobody could ever imagined...

This one feels bit...eh. maybe leave this one for now; focus on your other sentences that needs more improvement. However, make sure you stay to one consistent tense. If you used past tense previously, make sure use it throughout.

The journey of two twins in the universe. Encounters of fate and making new friends. Discovering the past for the bright future.
What will happen when two long lost twins meet each other …..??

Journey of two twins in universe. Okay then what? Do finish the sentence.
Encounters of fate and making new friends. Again, incomplete.
Discovering the past for the bright future...and? Also not much to go on to connect the dots either.

When you said journey of two twins in the universe, I get the impression that they were together. Its not until your last part that you mention they are long lost twins.

And what exactly is their mission?

Got no better way to come up with it, maybe the generic isekai adventure synopsis will do better here.

This is the journey of two long-lost twins in the universe, going off to meet their fate and encountering new friends. They will discover the past while trying to lead the way into a brighter future. What will happen they meet?

Again, your second paragraph of the twins does not connect to how Tylor defeated the Kriria at all. If the twins were the last remaining members of that family, mention it. There has to be a connection.

If most of your sentences sound like incomplete thoughts, its gonna make me question and then? Its kinda a bit like waiting to hear someone finish what they say, but then that was all they had to say. However the way they said it always make it feel like they didn't say what they completely wanted to say and so it leaves you hanging.

Without knowing what your story entails (since most of it is still vague) here is what I maybe would suggest:

It was hard to believe that the Tylor family led the humans to victory against the Krira invasion, when none of the other families from their class would.

[insert how the Tylors mentioned connect to the twins, if at all].

This is the journey of two long-lost twins traveling about in the universe. They will rediscover the past while setting out to make a brighter future for themsleves. Along the way the way they will meet friends and foe, and their adventures will take them far and wide. Including meeting their sibling, whom they have been separated from so long ago. What will happen when the teo finally meet?

 

[Archwizard]

You still have incomplete sentences. Incomplete thoughts when one reads them sounds like incomplete thoughts. Multiple incomplete thoughts don't hit the message across, unless its intended and done well (mostly only i specific cases). It sounds chunky choppy.

Your first paragraph did not connect why there were two twins in the story.


Incomplete fragment must also have an independent clause to make it a complete sentence, aka a complete thought.

It was hard to believe the Tylor family that led the humans to victory against the Krira race invasion...and then what? That they fell on bad times? That they were the ones that led humans to victory when the other families didn’t? I sense a disconnect from the second part of its sentence. You need to connect how Tylor's family [action or whatever] to those families.

Maybe you're trying to say this
It was hard to believe that the Tylor family led the humans to victory against the Krira invasion, when none of the other families from their class would.

Here it connects that this group is something the Tylor was at least in. So pointing it out is somewhat related to what is going on in the story, or the story's premise.


This one feels bit...eh. maybe leave this one for now; focus on your other sentences that needs more improvement. However, make sure you stay to one consistent tense. If you used past tense previously, make sure use it throughout.

Journey of two twins in universe. Okay then what? Do finish the sentence.
Encounters of fate and making new friends. Again, incomplete.
Discovering the past for the bright future...and? Also not much to go on to connect the dots either.

When you said journey of two twins in the universe, I get the impression that they were together. Its not until your last part that you mention they are long lost twins.

And what exactly is their mission?

Got no better way to come up with it, maybe the generic isekai adventure synopsis will do better here.

This is the journey of two long-lost twins in the universe, going off to meet their fate and encountering new friends. They will discover the past while trying to lead the way into a brighter future. What will happen they meet?

Again, your second paragraph of the twins does not connect to how Tylor defeated the Kriria at all. If the twins were the last remaining members of that family, mention it. There has to be a connection.

If most of your sentences sound like incomplete thoughts, its gonna make me question and then? Its kinda a bit like waiting to hear someone finish what they say, but then that was all they had to say. However the way they said it always make it feel like they didn't say what they completely wanted to say and so it leaves you hanging.

Without knowing what your story entails (since most of it is still vague) here is what I maybe would suggest:

It was hard to believe that the Tylor family led the humans to victory against the Krira invasion, when none of the other families from their class would.

[insert how the Tylors mentioned connect to the twins, if at all].

This is the journey of two long-lost twins traveling about in the universe. They will rediscover the past while setting out to make a brighter future for themsleves. Along the way the way they will meet friends and foe, and their adventures will take them far and wide. Including meeting their sibling, whom they have been separated from so long ago. What will happen when the teo finally meet?

Thanks ~ you are amazing.i wrote it again
For 100 years the monstrous kirara exploited the human race. The darkest history of mankind when blood tears were shed. Then as if a boon, THEY were awakened. Humans could now use abilities. Some were impressive, while some devoured and some worked on bloodlines. This turned tables on the kiraras.
2000 years have passed and humans were at peace. Would this peace last forever or was this the calm before the storm??
When the long - lost twins unite and rediscover the hidden past. Will the calmness continue or will the hidden scars resurface to mark the beginning of another war??

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Thanks ~ you are amazing.i wrote it again
For 100 years the monstrous kirara exploited the human race. The darkest history of mankind when blood tears were shed. Then as if a boon, THEY were awakened. Humans could now use abilities. Some were impressive, while some devoured and some worked on bloodlines. This turned tables on the kiraras.
2000 years have passed and humans were at peace. Would this peace last forever or was this the calm before the storm??
When the long - lost twins unite and rediscover the hidden past. Will the calmness continue or will the hidden scars resurface to mark the beginning of another war??

You still have incomplete sentences. Its a bit less this time, so the structure is improving at least.

Read your sentences aloud. This helps if you had too many fragments. As a note, when you use "when" in a sentence, the latter part of your sentence better finishes what it has to say. "When" is often used in a question or to mention "when" something happened, then this xy stuff did happened. If you don't write an independent clause to attach your sentence, its gonna sound like you wrote a question and masquerade it as a sentence.

Incorrect:
When the flowers bloomed. <-Incomplete.
When the flowers bloomed? See how it sounds?

Correct:
When the flowers bloomed, it was beautiful.
Dependent clause | independent clause

Incorrect:
When he transcended the heavens. <-Incomplete
When he transcended the heavens?

Correct:
When he transcended the heavens, he discarded his former identity and he became the almighty war god. <- Complete.

And you still did not connect the humans having interesting powers and how it relates to the twins. Are the twins descended from the ones with special abilities? Then you need to mention it. Otherwise your first two paragraphs are still not connected to your last paragraph and it sounds like you're talking about two different things.

A possible adjustment:

For a hundred years, the monstrous kirara exploited the human race. It was the darkest history of mankind. Many blood tears were shed. Then as if a boon, THEY were awakened. Humans could now use abilities. Some were impressive, while some devoured and some worked on perfecting their bloodlines. This turned the tables on the kiraras.

2000 years have passed and the humans were at peace. But then, a pair of twins were born with some of the most powerful abilities ever seen. Their fates were foretold to alter the path of humankind. Separated long before they could remember, they set out on a journey to find themselves and who they really are meant to be. When the long-lost twins unite and rediscover the hidden past, will the calmness continue or will the hidden scars resurface to mark the beginning of another war?

Would this peace last forever or was this the calm before the storm?

I think its better to leave out the calm before the storm question. You're trying to connect it to the twins in the last paragraph and the last question repeats the same topic - asking if the peace may be disturbed.

Some devoured. They devoured what? Did they devour themselves or did they devour other humans with powers? What did they devour?

Also either indent or leave a space after each paragraph. Its much cleaner to read.

 

[ObaSuzu]

Lonely kid, sad youth, suddenly superhero powers. The problem with that summary is that it sums up the backstory of the vast majority of superheroes out there. You need to say more, state why this is different than all the others.

Kamen Rider stands out, but it's not super-mainstream and thus suffers the same double-edged sword fate as fanfiction: likely to pull in fans of Kamen Rider, likely to scare away anyone who doesn't know what it is. Not necessarily a negative, just something to be aware of.

That leaves "Written in a poetry-like structure" as the only stand-out element of the synopsis. I like it. I really like it. It is daring. It contrasts nicely with the superhero premise. No one expects the Spanish inquisition superhero poetry. Know that it might be a little too daring for the Scribblehub audience though, likely to scare away some readers with flashback nightmares to high school poetry assignments.

Wow, thank you very much!

 

[ElijahRyne]

Synopsis:

What is the pit, what is the calamity, planar warfare, mystery cults, demons, gods and immortals. All this and more in Under the Tower!, a story told in parts!
Part 1
This part follows Andha Ild, a Fire mage, who gained his power from his family bloodline. When he lost his eye, he was dismissed had been rescued by a mysterious arcanist. One day while training, he was chased by a cloud of disembodied hands, until he found a giant pit in the ground.(Current Part!)
Part 2
This part follows Igwe Ild the grandson of Andha Ild, a Metal mage, who is on the run from the government (plot for p2 is a work in progress)
Part 3
Follows the life of two brothers, one day on their day home from school they find that their parents have gone missing. Follow as they find the culprit! (P3 Plot work in progress)

 

[Deleted member 45782]

I see free feedback so please don't mind if I slap my synopsis.

Title To Create Greatest Monopoly I Will Scam! The Greatest Medicine Master.


Meet with Bob Simpleson, a middle-aged guy who isekaid two years ago, and found the adventuring as something he can't do.
Fighting against demons, hitting cute girls, and creating your legacy is fun if you can use strong magic or handle powerful weapons, but when the best thing you do is brewing cheap potions for other heroes, life is dull as before.

Bob tried to have fun in this new fantasy world for quite some time, but he neither had a powerful cheat skill or a class ability to help him fight against the strong monsters.

One day he suddenly retired from adventuring and with his small amount of savings, he wanted to pursue the dream of creating the most largest medicine monopoly in the world of Mae.

Richness Riches, corruption, power, and more riches richness are waiting for Bob Simpleson.

I thought the first paragraph mentioned he can't really do adventure? But then the fourth paragraph mentions that he retired from adventuring?

Thu it sounds interesting twist. Nice twist. :D
Brewing idk but it makes me think he be the perfect bartender in an adventure fantasy game.

 

[HyperiousTheSun]

How have I not posted my synopsis here to be roasted yet.
Well here it is

Arcadia is a world where physics isn't the only thing in control and can dictate what happens. With gods, monsters, and magical beasts walking around, one miss-step could lead you to your doom. That is of course if you are a mortal.
Ayra is an expert on such matters as she grows up in such a dangerous world. Though as a princess she's probably better off, than most unfortunate inhabitants.
Follow her as learns more about herself in a world where gods, monsters, and magical beasts aren't just legends. To make matters worse powerful mindless beings known as god hunters are on the loose.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Synopsis:

What is the pit, what is the calamity, planar warfare, mystery cults, demons, gods and immortals. All this and more in Under the Tower!, a story told in parts!

Your first sentence sounded like you tried throwing everything in and hope it works. It didn't. "What is the pit, what is the calamity..." is better left as maybe a question. Maybe cut that first part out thu its better to revise that whole sentence. And "!, a story told in parts!" - is this a typo? You ended the sentence but then continued the same sentence?

It is better to rewrite these two sentences to make it sound better.

Part 1
This part follows Andha Ild, a Fire mage, who gained his power from his family bloodline. When he lost his eye, he was dismissed and had been rescued by a mysterious arcanist. One day while training, he was chased by a cloud of disembodied hands, until he found a giant pit in the ground.(Current Part!)
Part 2
This part follows Igwe Ild the grandson of Andha Ild, a Metal mage, who is on the run from the government (plot for p2 is a work in progress)

Part 3
Follows the life of two brothers, one day on their day home from school they find that their parents have gone missing. Follow as they find the culprit! (P3 Plot work in progress)

I am already following. Why do I need to follow again? It sounds a bit repetitive when it basically means the same thing - you the reader, are going to follow the life of the two brothers and their journey.

By the way, Part 1 talks about this wizard and Part 2 talks about their grandson, so it is connected. How does the brothers in plot 3 connect to Plot 1 and Plot 2? If there's not hint of connection, it sounds like jumping from topic to another.

As for the synopsis as a whole, I feel like Im reading an outline more than a synopsis. Even though your story is told in parts, you could do better and write something that attracts readers. There is no hook. Readers don't need to know the exact whole summary; they will find this through reading your story. But you need to put just enough to connect the dots from one paragraph to the next.

---

---

How have I not posted my synopsis here to be roasted yet.
Well here it is

Arcadia is a world where physics isn't the only thing in control and can dictate what happens. With gods, monsters, and magical beasts walking around, one miss-step could lead you to your doom. That is of course, if you are a mortal.
Ayra is an expert on such matters as she grows up in such a dangerous world. Though as a princess, she's probably better off than most unfortunate inhabitants.
Follow her as learns more about herself in a world where gods, monsters, and magical beasts aren't just legends. To make matters worse, powerful mindless beings known as god hunters are on the loose.

Not bad. Adjusted the commas in the quote above. However, while your last sentence mentions the obstacles she may have to face, it doesn't sound like a good hook. You're better off switching the order of the last two sentences. Have the follow sentence be the last sentence; this one sounds more like a conclusion to the paragraph than the other.

 

[Artique]

Hmmmm...I have got my protection on. Blast with me the truuuuth!!


The mood of the entire Empire of Zemira changed overnight with the death of the Empress, Helena Zemira.

It was even worse for her son the Crown Prince, Arthur Zemira. When things proved to be difficult, the Emperor brought in his mistress, a princess of a fallen kingdom. With her, arrived 2 more members. A son and daughter...all kept as a secret to the whole of the Empire.

Things changed, and Arthur's rage towards his father was at its peak. When asked to leave his title as the Crown Prince, he gladly accepts...for it's not something he wished to have.

"You want my position? Sure, I'll let you have it, only if you fulfill my conditions."

With confidence, Arthur stood up against his father with his strange but meaningful conditions.

Just what could those conditions be?