Post Your Synopsis & Get Feedback

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ElijahRyne

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Fixed Synopsis:
What is the pit, what is the calamity? With a pinch of planar warfare, mystery cults, demons, gods and immortals. All this and more in Under the Tower! a story told in parts!

Part 1
This part follows Andha Ild, a Fire mage, who gained his power from his family bloodline. When he lost his eye, he was rescued by a mysterious arcanist, to whom he becomes an apprentice. On top of learning the profession, he learns how after the calamity, families with magic bloodlines restricted both information and power from those without these bloodlines.

One day while training under the tower, he was chased by a cloud of disembodied hands, until he found a strange giant pit in the ground. He knows that some demons and invaders were sealed in these pits. But those pits were clearly marked. This pit was not, yet, here he is safe from the cloud of hands. One day the pit tells Andha that he can make a wish, if he sacrifices his arm. Remembering that those with bloodlines restricted those without, he wishes for all humans on this plane to have a magic bloodline. What happens next? (Current Part!)

Part 2
This part follows Igwe Ild the grandson of Andha Ild, a Metal mage and government employee, who is on the run from the government after he finds out what the government is doing behind closed doors, and leaking this info to the press. (plot for p2 is a work in progress)

Part 3
This part follows the life of two brothers who attend a school founded by Igwe Ild, one day on their day home from school they find that their parents have gone missing. Follow as they find the culprit! (P3 Plot work in progress)
 
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D

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The mood of the entire Empire of Zemira changed overnight with the death of the Empress, Helena Zemira.

It was even worse for her son the Crown Prince, Arthur Zemira. When things proved to be difficult, the Emperor brought in his mistress, a princess of a fallen kingdom. With her, arrived 2 more members. A son and daughter...all kept as a secret to the whole of the Empire.

Things changed, and Arthur's rage towards his father was at its peak. When asked to leave his title as the Crown Prince, he gladly accepts...for it's not something he wished to have.

"You want my position? Sure, I'll let you have it, only if you fulfill my conditions."

With confidence, Arthur stood up against his father with his strange but meaningful conditions.

Just what could those conditions be?
I like this synopsis! 😀
 
D

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Fixed Synopsis:
What is the pit, what is the calamity? With a pinch of planar warfare, mystery cults, demons, gods and immortals. All this and more in Under the Tower! a story told in parts!
With a pinch of planar warfare, mystery cults, demons, gods and immortals.

Yes and then? Then what? You have the with [subject], now what happens with those things you mentioned?

This is an incomplete thought. Make it a complete sentence.

See the previous example I showed someone.

With [_____], [_________].

Maybe try this?
Why, its a pinch of planar warfare, mystery cults, demons, gods and immortals all tossed together!

I see, so the Under the Tower! Is the story's title right? But I don't think this sentence is necessary in your synopsis. Its telling the reader to read on when the reader is already deciding if they should by looking if the synopsis attracts them. So its kinda unecessary.

Part 1
This part follows Andha Ild, a Fire mage, who gained his power from his family bloodline. When he lost his eye, he was rescued by a mysterious arcanist, to whom he becomes an apprentice. On top of learning the profession, he learns how after the calamity, families with magic bloodlines restricted both information and power from those without these bloodlines.

One day while training under the tower, he was chased by a cloud of disembodied hands, until he found a strange giant pit in the ground. He knows that some demons and invaders were sealed in these pits. But those pits were clearly marked. This pit was not, yet, here he is safe from the cloud of hands. One day the pit tells Andha that he can make a wish, if he sacrifices his arm. Remembering that those with bloodlines restricted those without, he wishes for all humans on this plane to have a magic bloodline. What happens next? (Current Part!)

Part 2
This part follows Igwe Ild the grandson of Andha Ild, a Metal mage and government employee, who is on the run from the government after he finds out what the government is doing behind closed doors, and leaking this info to the press. (plot for p2 is a work in progress)

Part 3
This part follows the life of two brothers who attend a school founded by Igwe Ild, one day on their day home from school they find that their parents have gone missing. Follow as they find the culprit! (P3 Plot work in progress)
Follow them as they find the culprit.*
Still bit repetitive. You mentioned first sentence we are following them, already and follow again last sentence. Maybe remove follow from first sentence.

Two brothers who attended a school funded by Igwe Ild came home one day to find their parents missing. Follow them as they try to find the culprit!



For real?! Well, I'm one of the happiest being right now lol 😝😝😝
It doesn't have a lot of errors compared to the other synopses on here. And its unique without the whole follow me thing. That said, lost a bit interest in the middle. Its written good. Just that a prince who stands up to the father and gets banished presumably story isnt really something that perks my interest. But I think the synopsis is written better than some of the other ones I've seen and it doesn't follow a very overused cliche. The plot maybe didn't stand out that much, but at least the synopsis is trying to carry it forward.
 
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Artique

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It doesn't have a lot of errors compared to the other synopses on here. And its unique without the whole follow me thing. That said, lost a bit interest in the middle. Its written good. Just that a prince who stands up to the father and gets banished presumably story isnt really something that perks my interest. But I think the synopsis is written better than some of the other ones I've seen and it doesn't follow a very overused cliche. The plot maybe didn't stand out that much, but at least the synopsis is trying to carry it forward.
Ahhhh....he does not get banished. He is forced to give up his title as the Crown prince to his new stepbrother. But the mc rather than giving his title for free, exchanges it with one of the most powerful Dukedom(though a fallen one due to internal conflict). But all in all, thanks for the review!
 
D

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Ahhhh....he does not get banished. He is forced to give up his title as the Crown prince to his new stepbrother. But the mc rather than giving his title for free, exchanges it with one of the most powerful Dukedom(though a fallen one due to internal conflict). But all in all, thanks for the review!
No problem.
 

ElijahRyne

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What is the pit, what is the calamity? A story about the arcane and the horrors it brings, with a pinch of planar warfare, mystery cults, demons, gods and immortals. All this and more in Under the Tower! Stay tuned and will get back to you after this break!

Part 1
This part follows Andha Ild, a Fire mage, who gained his power from his family bloodline. When he lost his eye, he was rescued by a mysterious arcanist, to whom he becomes an apprentice. On top of learning the profession, he learns how after the calamity, families with magic bloodlines restricted both information and power from those without these bloodlines.

One day while training under the tower, he was chased by a cloud of disembodied hands, until he found a strange giant pit in the ground. He knows that some demons and invaders were sealed in these pits. But those pits were clearly marked. This pit was not, yet, here he is safe from the cloud of hands. One day the pit tells Andha that he can make a wish, if he sacrifices his arm. Remembering that those with bloodlines restricted those without wishes for all humans on this plane to have a magic bloodline. What happens next? (Current Part!)

Part 2
This part follows Igwe Ild the grandson of Andha Ild, a Metal mage and government employee, who is on the run from the government after he finds out what the government is doing behind closed doors, and leaking this info to the press. (plot for p2 is a work in progress)

Part 3
This part follows the life of two brothers who attend a school founded by Igwe Ild, one day on their day home from school they find that their parents have gone missing. Do they find the culprit!? (P3 Plot work in progress)
 
D

Deleted member 45782

Guest
What is the pit, what is the calamity? A story about the arcane and the horrors it brings, with a pinch of planar warfare, mystery cults, demons, gods and immortals. All this and more in Under the Tower! Stay tuned and will get back to you after this break!

Part 1
This part follows Andha Ild, a Fire mage, who gained his power from his family bloodline. When he lost his eye, he was rescued by a mysterious arcanist, to whom he becomes an apprentice. On top of learning the profession, he learns how after the calamity, families with magic bloodlines restricted both information and power from those without these bloodlines.

One day while training under the tower, he was chased by a cloud of disembodied hands, until he found a strange giant pit in the ground. He knows that some demons and invaders were sealed in these pits. But those pits were clearly marked. This pit was not, yet, here he is safe from the cloud of hands. One day the pit tells Andha that he can make a wish, if he sacrifices his arm. Remembering that those with bloodlines restricted those without wishes for all humans on this plane to have a magic bloodline. What happens next? (Current Part!)

Part 2
This part follows Igwe Ild the grandson of Andha Ild, a Metal mage and government employee, who is on the run from the government after he finds out what the government is doing behind closed doors, and leaking the info to the press. (plot for p2 is a work in progress)

Part 3
This part follows the life of two brothers who attend a school founded by Igwe Ild, one day on their day home from school they find that their parents have gone missing. Do they find the culprit!? (P3 Plot work in progress)
Keep the underline under your story's title, Under the Tower! Much better, yes. It has improved. That and now I'm interested in the bloody hands connection to the pit lol. Interesting. Part 3 sound better, not as repetitive like before. The parts are written better than previous versions.
 

CrimsonBlob

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Can I have some feedback and advice on my new synopsis? Thanks!

Remnya is a girl with horns and a destructive power sleeping within her. Growing up in an orphanage, she has learned to survive and protect the few friends who don’t see her as a freak. However, when a mysterious lady adopts her, Remnya discovers how valuable her kind truly is.

But now she’s surrounded by people she can’t trust and monsters who will do anything to get a hold of her powers. A war for her is imminent, threatening to take the lives of those she loves.

Remnya won’t surrender. She will protect them at all costs, even if that means abandoning her innocence and awakening the crimson monster living inside her.

What’s right and what’s wrong when your family is on the line?
.
 
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CapituTheCat

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Heeey, how about mine:

If you are presented with just those two choices, what would you do?

Would you kill in order to survive?

Or would you die to preserve your humanity?

One day, the world changed. The System was implemented. Duels became routine. Killing became a reality in people's life.

I didn't ask for it. I didn't want it. I despise it with my whole being.

But still, I don't want to die.
 
D

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Guest
Heeey, how about mine:

If you are presented with just those two choices, what would you do?

Would you kill in order to survive?

Or would you die to preserve your humanity?

One day, the world changed. The System was implemented. Duels became routine. Killing became a reality in people's life.

I didn't ask for it. I didn't want it. I despise it with my whole being.

But still, I don't want to die.
Its concise and clear. I like how its framed. Not really feeling like it would pull me in. The hook questions maybe might once long ago. Then again, nowadays I don't have much interest in reading.

It does, however, feel like its lacking a bit. It got all the nice hook questions. But I feel it barely gives me an idea what the story is about. Maybe give just a few more bits of what the story is like, to give it a little oomph.
 

Nhatduongg

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Hello! I’m writing another story, so I got a new synopsis, can you leave a review?

One day, half of the world’s population suddenly died and suddenly turned into zombies.
Unexpectedly, the people and nations on Earth had to face a threat worse than wars, 5 billion zombies that could infect the livings.
Player Alica, a WWIII veteran, had just escaped from an experimental area, but out of the frying pan, into the fire, he then had to go through another nightmare: surviving the zombie apocalypse.
 

CapituTheCat

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Its concise and clear. I like how its framed. Not really feeling like it would pull me in. The hook questions maybe might once long ago. Then again, nowadays I don't have much interest in reading.

It does, however, feel like its lacking a bit. It got all the nice hook questions. But I feel it barely gives me an idea what the story is about. Maybe give just a few more bits of what the story is like, to give it a little oomph.
Thanks, I agree with everything you said! I'll give some thought to it
 

Kuroinamida91

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Current work: Bōru ni negai, which is a dragon ball XenoVerse/legends mix fanfic.

Here's the synopsis:
An abused Otaku Tsundere gets her wish granted and starts her new easygoing Academy life. Lewds happen, and she's forced into a relationship with a lilac haired devi! This isn't the isekai life she read about?!
Trunks can't wrap his mind around Rhuda, his tsundere girlfriend--but one things for sure, nobody else can have her!
"I'll never love someone like you!"
"You don't have to love me, but you're mine!"
--Xenoverse 2 <<less
 

Bartun

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Title:
Nowhere to Run

Sypnosis:
Nina is a young priestess that just started her journeys in the Highlands, in a faraway land.
But everything falls apart when greater forces are scheming and unknown men are suddenly after her.
She will have no other choice but to resort to her wits, make unexpected allies, and navigate her way through unforgiving lands in order to survive.
Will she be up to the task?
 

Ark-

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Hello everyone, so long story short, I'm working on a story called "The Tower of Desire" (Temp title), I have two types of stories using the same title, These are the main difference:

Version 1. Reincarnation type:
Synopsis: Johnathan felt no fury or hatred for his passing at the hands of a mugger and a stab wound to the chest, it is below him to curse at the card that is given to him, but reincarnating into a different world is one that even he will find baffling, especially when the world is filled attribute, Skill, Title and more, and not to mention the bizarre world technological skill.

Version 2. Transmigration Type:
Synopsis: Johnathan didn't know what happened, one time, in a lapse of judgment, he fell asleep during his train home, the next, he awoke to a deafening announcement
"Challenge one has started, please read the instruction carefully"

Which one do you guys find more interesting? I have around 27K words written down for both of them (1 prologue and 3 chapters worth of content), just from those synopses alone, which one do you guys find moe interesting
 

ElijahRyne

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I am writing a new story called The Mist of Love. Here is the synopsis, don’t hold back in your feedback!


One dark night, a person was hit by a car that was speeding down the road. From the collision, a small mist of blood, Bloody, gained consciousness. They travel the streets, yet all the people who Bloody passes by ignore Bloody.

They watch and wander the streets as the years go by. Slowly, Bloody grows stronger by breathing in the essence of the moon, and smarter as they watch the humans. They feel lonely, and yearn for a human life. That is until one day when Bloody gains a new ability, transformation.

Ecstatic, Bloody tries to turn themselves into a human, yet when they do, they become a child. Only to turn back into the mist when they tried to sleep. What happens next? Will Bloody succeed in their goal? Stay tuned to find out!
 

Yi_San

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Story name: EVER DESTINY: ANGEL AND DEMON.

Synopsis:

They were two lonely souls.
One was the reason for everything ......
While the other found 'him' as the reason.
His blood red eyes looked up to the sky.. His sharp gaze pierced through realms. But, he couldn't get a glimpse of him...
After a moment, demonic power surged from him. He crawled up from the hell and wreaked havoc in the worlds he saw. He became hated, feared and cursed by billions of people..
All was for...




Teaser:

*His birth was the most majestic. In the highest realm, taking up millions and billions of years, he was finally formed. With his enchanting blue eyes, he hatefully stared at the ferocious demon..
"What do you want actually? "

Finally he spoke!!!
He spoke to me!!

The demon said nothing. Just looked at him lovingly. His mind overflowing with satisfaction..

"I only had one last wish, Yi "

He slowly said.Suddenly he moved backwards.. The corrosive thick demonic aura surged from his body.

The angel's pupil constricted.
He rushed to the demon and caught him by hand.

The demon weakly laid in his hands. Cracks appeared in his demon spirit body..

"I LOVE YOU LITTLE YI !!!"

That was his last words...

'To die from your hands..that was my final wish Yi. I am sorry.. If i get a chance without this cursed destiny, i will openly pursue you. But that will never happen. It is also good to never love me. You won't be sad if i disappear forever.. Right?? "

His soul scattered..
In his place, a black hole appeared..

Slowly, very slowly, he reached with his hands...

Millions of billions of years passed....

Finally, The memories in the black hole ended.

Suddenly, he cried...
He cried in heart wrenching pain....

"Is it truly late??? "

He roared...



Is it truly late??
Read the story to know more..😁
I am writing a new story called The Mist of Love. Here is the synopsis, don’t hold back in your feedback!


One dark night, a person was hit by a car that was speeding down the road. From the collision, a small mist of blood, Bloody, gained consciousness. They travel the streets, yet all the people who Bloody passes by ignore Bloody.

They watch and wander the streets as the years go by. Slowly, Bloody grows stronger by breathing in the essence of the moon, and smarter as they watch the humans. They feel lonely, and yearn for a human life. That is until one day when Bloody gains a new ability, transformation.

Ecstatic, Bloody tries to turn themselves into a human, yet when they do, they become a child. Only to turn back into the mist when they tried to sleep. What happens next? Will Bloody succeed in their goal? Stay tuned to find out!
This is good. I guess there will be cute moments with bloody kid?

Note: i am a beginner too😁 i also have a synopsis down there.please help me out👩‍🦳👩‍🦳
Hello everyone, so long story short, I'm working on a story called "The Tower of Desire" (Temp title), I have two types of stories using the same title, These are the main difference:

Version 1. Reincarnation type:
Synopsis: Johnathan felt no fury or hatred for his passing at the hands of a mugger and a stab wound to the chest, it is below him to curse at the card that is given to him, but reincarnating into a different world is one that even he will find baffling, especially when the world is filled attribute, Skill, Title and more, and not to mention the bizarre world technological skill.

Version 2. Transmigration Type:
Synopsis: Johnathan didn't know what happened, one time, in a lapse of judgment, he fell asleep during his train home, the next, he awoke to a deafening announcement
"Challenge one has started, please read the instruction carefully"

Which one do you guys find more interesting? I have around 27K words written down for both of them (1 prologue and 3 chapters worth of content), just from those synopses alone, which one do you guys find moe interesting
i am feeling more interested in transmigration synopsis...
I am writing a new story called The Mist of Love. Here is the synopsis, don’t hold back in your feedback!


One dark night, a person was hit by a car that was speeding down the road. From the collision, a small mist of blood, Bloody, gained consciousness. They travel the streets, yet all the people who Bloody passes by ignore Bloody.

They watch and wander the streets as the years go by. Slowly, Bloody grows stronger by breathing in the essence of the moon, and smarter as they watch the humans. They feel lonely, and yearn for a human life. That is until one day when Bloody gains a new ability, transformation.

Ecstatic, Bloody tries to turn themselves into a human, yet when they do, they become a child. Only to turn back into the mist when they tried to sleep. What happens next? Will Bloody succeed in their goal? Stay tuned to find out!
This is good. I guess there will be cute moments with bloody kid?

Note: i am a beginner too😁
 
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killwrites

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Story name: EVER DESTINY: ANGEL AND DEMON.

Synopsis:

They were two lonely souls.
One was the reason for everything ......
While the other found 'him' as the reason.
His blood red eyes looked up to the sky.. His sharp gaze pierced through realms. But, he couldn't get a glimpse of him...
After a moment, demonic power surged from him. He crawled up from the hell and wreaked havoc in the worlds he saw. He became hated, feared and cursed by billions of people..
All was for...
First impression is that it's a pretty confusing synopsis. What is your MC's name? And it's too vague, if you give such a general description I have no idea what your story is even about. Romance? Cultivation (i'm assuming it's this one)?

well, just my opinion. i'm also new here lol, cheers!
 
D

Deleted member 45782

Guest
Title:
Nowhere to Run

Sypnosis:
Nina is a young priestess that just started her journeys in the Highlands, in a faraway land.
But everything falls apart when greater forces are scheming and unknown men are suddenly after her.
She will have no other choice but to resort to her wits, make unexpected allies, and navigate her way through unforgiving lands in order to survive.
Will she be up to the task?
Not bad.
Hello everyone, so long story short, I'm working on a story called "The Tower of Desire" (Temp title), I have two types of stories using the same title, These are the main difference:

Version 1. Reincarnation type:
Synopsis: Johnathan felt no fury or hatred for his passing at the hands of a mugger and a stab wound to the chest, it is below him to curse at the card that is given to him, but reincarnating into a different world is one that even he will find baffling, especially when the world is filled attribute, Skill, Title and more, and not to mention the bizarre world technological skill.

Version 2. Transmigration Type:
Synopsis: Johnathan didn't know what happened, one time, in a lapse of judgment, he fell asleep during his train home, the next, he awoke to a deafening announcement
"Challenge one has started, please read the instruction carefully"

Which one do you guys find more interesting? I have around 27K words written down for both of them (1 prologue and 3 chapters worth of content), just from those synopses alone, which one do you guys find moe interesting
You need PERIODS. First synopsis sounded better and I got an idea of the story more than the second one. But then I read on and on without stopping because there is no break. Your one sentence is better divided into several sentences. Makes it much easier to read and less run-ons. Read your sentence aloud without stopping (no periods, no stop). If it starts to feel like you are talking without breathing and the words bleed together, thats when you know you need to split your sentences.
I am writing a new story called The Mist of Love. Here is the synopsis, don’t hold back in your feedback!


One dark night, a person was hit by a car that was speeding down the road. From the collision, a small mist of blood, Bloody, gained consciousness. They travel the streets, yet all the people who Bloody passes by ignore Bloody.

They watch and wander the streets as the years go by. Slowly, Bloody grows stronger by breathing in the essence of the moon, and smarter as they watch the humans. They feel lonely, and yearn for a human life. That is until one day when Bloody gains a new ability, transformation.

Ecstatic, Bloody tries to turn themselves into a human, yet when they do, they become a child. Only to turn back into the mist when they tried to sleep. What happens next? Will Bloody succeed in their goal? Stay tuned to find out!
Slightly confused a bit until I learned Bloody is name of protagonist. Your synopsis is much better! Smoother flow than previous ones, and has something that makes you actually interested in the story. I see you improved a lot in your synopses. :3 And you got nice hook at end too! Well done.
Story name: EVER DESTINY: ANGEL AND DEMON.

Synopsis:

They were two lonely souls.
One was the reason for everything ......
While the other found 'him' as the reason.
His blood red eyes looked up to the sky.. His sharp gaze pierced through realms. But, he couldn't get a glimpse of him...
After a moment, demonic power surged from him. He crawled up from the hell and wreaked havoc in the worlds he saw. He became hated, feared and cursed by billions of people..
All was for...




Teaser:

*His birth was the most majestic. In the highest realm, taking up millions and billions of years, he was finally formed. With his enchanting blue eyes, he hatefully stared at the ferocious demon..
"What do you want actually? "

Finally he spoke!!!
He spoke to me!!

The demon said nothing. Just looked at him lovingly. His mind overflowing with satisfaction..

"I only had one last wish, Yi "

He slowly said.Suddenly he moved backwards.. The corrosive thick demonic aura surged from his body.

The angel's pupil constricted.
He rushed to the demon and caught him by hand.

The demon weakly laid in his hands. Cracks appeared in his demon spirit body..

"I LOVE YOU LITTLE YI !!!"

That was his last words...

'To die from your hands..that was my final wish Yi. I am sorry.. If i get a chance without this cursed destiny, i will openly pursue you. But that will never happen. It is also good to never love me. You won't be sad if i disappear forever.. Right?? "

His soul scattered..
In his place, a black hole appeared..

Slowly, very slowly, he reached with his hands...

Millions of billions of years passed....

Finally, The memories in the black hole ended.

Suddenly, he cried...
He cried in heart wrenching pain....

"Is it truly late??? "

He roared...



Is it truly late??
Read the story to know more..😁
Figure out whether you want to do a short vague description of your story with a hook or just have a scene as the hook. Otherwise its too much jammed into the synopsis, bit confusing and lost of interest from the readers. Had to reread it slowly again to understand it. Maybe just have your teaser only.

Remove the "Read more" at the end. Wordy. You don't have to tell your readers, if they really wanted they would have already done so.
 
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