Bath Tub Goddess Chapter 1
How the heck did this happen?
This question, and its many variances kept playing in my mind. Chief of which, was how exactly did I come here? It boggles the mind, disturbs my cool and bums my ass out.
Was I abducted? Kidnapped? But if I was abducted, why exactly would whoever abducted me bring along my super luxurious bath tub? This is not a small bathtub. It’s three meters wide and over four meters long. And it’s not made of resin, plastic, aluminium or porcelin. It’s carved out of a single block of marble. The movers had to deliver it by a trailer and it had to be fitted into my second floor bathroom with the help of a crane after the walls and the roof were broken open.
Why go through all the trouble?
How did they manage to transport me and my bathtub without waking me up in the process? Construction cranes are not the most quiet piece of machinery ever. Just moving from Point A to Point B could wake up the whole neighbourhood, and with it, brings a whole lot of complains. So how did this happen in the middle of the night?
Could it be… aliens?
That would be scary, wouldn’t it? For aliens to be able to abduct a bath tub, this is a groundbreaking discovert, if it’s true. Could it be true? Could aliens abduct a bath tub?
Without making any noise, even? That’s scary, isn’t it? I don’t know how heavy this marble bath tub is, but it must be extremely heavy, definitely more than one tonne. If they can even lift this bath tub, then nobody is safe!
Of course, I’m not talking about Mexicans. I’m talking about the things that ride on flying saucers. Wait, what if they don’t sit on the flying saucers? What if they stand the whole time? Would it still be called ‘riding’? Should I call it something else instead?
Ah, but some UFOs are triangle-shaped, so maybe I was abducted by flying wings? What if it was a cigar-shaped UFO that abducted me? Hm, abducted by cigar sounds scandalous. Maybe it was not me that was supposed to be abducted, but the target was actually my bath tub?
If so, the aliens have good taste. This is not just any bath tub, this is a supremely comfortable premium bath tub made out of a single block of marble. Yes, I have to stress that again, because that is extremely important. Not only that, my bath tub also has lights on both ends, bright enough to make my bath water glow in the night.
Thankfully, my light is connected to a battery, so despite not being connected to the power grid, is can still function. At least, it can function on battery power for twenty hours at full power. Technology is amazing. It was well worth the price of $19,899.99.
It’s because of this light that I can tell that there is nothing around me. It is an empty field, a field of sand. Where exactly am I? Some abandoned construction site? A desert? Why bring me here?
“Hello~” I shout into the darkness.
Nobody replies me, as expected. But if someone does reply, are they going to be human or alien? Oh my god, imagine an alien with their big ass tentacle come while I’m stuck naked in the bath tub. The audience will go wild!
Ahhh… my OnlyFans stream should start at 10pm. What time is it now, I wonder? I should’ve asked them to include a clock into the bath tub. The analog needles type, not a digital clock. Analog is the new cool, and I’m all about coolness.
Speaking about coolness… I’m starting to feel cold. Aiyayaya, I don’t want to waste battery by turning on the heater. But I hear temperature in the desert drops to freezing point at night. I don’t want to die freezing… guess I’ll turn it on after all.
Haaah… I wonder if there’s a charging port in the middle of the desert.
“Hello~” I shout into the darkness again.
No reply again. Well, what was I expecting? Come to think of it, what if my unnecessary noise attracted the attention of bad things? Waaah, scary! Maybe I should just keep quiet and wait until morning?
With that, I pull up the hard resin bath tub cover and goes to sleep inside the warm water.
******
Knock knock.
Knock knock.
Knock knock knock.
Knockknock knockknock.
“Who the hell’s making so much noise?!!!” I cry out while throwing open the bath tub cover.
Eh? What’s a tree doing here? I’m pretty sure there wasn’t a tree last night when I went to sleep. Did I get abducted again? Will I be abducted again and again whenever I go to sleep from now on? That’s some The Cube shit right there!
Oh, it’s morning.
The gentle morning sunlight from behind me, let’s assume that’s east, is strangely comforting. At least I know that I’m outside and not kept in an underground bunker with no way out. No, that’s not because I’m an exhibitionist. Yes, I am an exhibitionist, but that’s not the point.
The point is, if I want to run away from here, I can. Of course, the lack of clothing limits my choices. Haa, but then again, running naked in the desert sounds quite arousing. I’ve never done that before. Oh, but the hot sand will murder my toes and the heat stroke would be unbearable.
Wait a minute. Sand, desert… isn’t this the same place as last night? Where did this giant tree come from? It wasn’t here last night.
“Water…” a groan saying ‘waher’ suddenly can be heard.
Where is it coming from? I turn left and right, even behind towards the sun, but there was nobody there. As I turn my face back forward, something like tendrils creep out from the left side of the bath tub.
“Oh my god! What the fuck is that?” I jump backward in response.
What is that? Tentacles? Am I in tentacle porn? Shit, I was never told we’re switching genres. Mom, you should’ve told me if we’re switching to tentacle porn. What kind of manager are you? Some of our patrons aren’t into those kinky shit, you know!
But then again, tentacle porn… I’ve always wanted to try that. Being helpless at the mercy of tentacles, tentacles holding my arms and legs, spreading my limbs, opening me up for their tentacular abuse. Then the tentacles would violate my holes, starting from my mouth, then playing with my tits, squeezing it, modifying my body to make milk. Then they would pay attention to my other holes and make me a slave to pleasure.
Ahhh, maybe they’ll put some tentacles into my brain through my ears and brainwash me too. Oh god, I’m so horny. When are you going to come and abuse me?
Come to think of it, why aren’t you coming closer? Hey tentacles, you’re only going into my bath tub but not approaching me, what are you - wait.
“ARE YOU DRINKING MY WATER?!” I yell at the top of my lungs as I slide towards the tentacles.
Pulling the tentacles out of my bath tub, I find it strange that instead of slimy and disgusting, it feels rough, like plant fiber. I briefly imagine how it would chafe my skin if it abuses me the way it should. Regardless, I put all effort into throwing the woody tentacles out of my bath tub.
This is the desert. I will need my water to stay alive. Who knows where I could find water around here. Sure there is some vegetation, mostly weeds and grass, which suggests that there is some moisture here. But until I find other sources of water, this is the only water I have. No amount of tentacle abuse will substitute that.
“How dare you drink my water! I sell this water, you know! $30 for 250ml bottle. You want water, pay up!”
Let it not be said that I remain a mercenary even in the face of water shortage.
“Pay?”
Where the heck is the voice coming from?
“Equivalent exchange?”
With sudden realization and suspicion, I look up and finds out that it’s the tree. THE TREE!!!
How can a tree speak? Do they even have vocal chords? Are they genetically engineered? Fuck, if trees can speak, could those bastard air plants been perving on me for free this whole time? Mom, charge them money!
“No mortal… money…”
It still amazes me that a tree the size of an apple tree is capable of speaking. Could they have always been able to speak? Could it be that they choose not to speak? Could they have been talking smack about us behind our backs? Something like, “Lol human kids are so stupid lol.”
“This,” the tree shakes one of its branches and a shrivelled fruit falls into the tub.
“Edible fruit?” I ask the tree as my right hand picks it up.
Outwardly, it looks like bell pepper, but it is solid, not squishy. There is no smell and no itchiness or painful sensation on my skin. So the skin is probably not poisonous at the very least.
“Little ones… eat… safe…”
I feel a little wary about a fruit that is proclaimed safe by a tree. After all, trees don’t eat their own fruits. Or do they? This is getting over my head. Maybe instead of taking a Degree in Mass Communication, I should’ve taken Botany. I could certainly get Nobel prize if I can prove that trees can speak, unless someone else did that already? Fuck you potential Nobel prize winner!
At this point, my stomach suddenly grumbles, reminding me that I haven’t eaten anything since last night. Last night’s livestream was supposed to be me demonstrating how far I can take a dildo down my esofagus. I was afraid that if I ate anything, it would just come out during the attempt. Puking out my guts during a livestream would ruin my name for years. Maybe even attract the weird kind of crowd too, like those who bought Max Hardcore videos.
With a little fear in my heart, a grumble in my stomach and slight wariness in my mind, I take a bite of the apple. The flesh is like a slightly hard apple but what surprises me the most is the explosion of sweetness. It’s like eating a frozen chiffon cake, but the sweetness feels more natural and not very overpowering. Although not overpowering, the sweetness appears like an invisible freight train ramming me from an unseen angle and the sweetness continues until the freight train carries me all the way to India.
“A bit hard to eat, though.”
“Before… softer… bigger… no water…”
“I see, but you’re a big tree. Just this one is not enough, you know.”
Yes, I know I’m driving a hard bargain. Hey, I need to eat, you know. And I don’t know where I would get more water. So of course, water is going to be expensive.
The tree suddenly shakes all its branches, making me worry that it’s probably angry about me trying to bargain. Is it going to be tentacle porn after all? Come, my heart is ready!
Instead of tentacle porn moment, dozens of fruits like the one before fall into and around my bath tub. I lost count after the first dozen, so I won’t bother counting the rest. There are probably more than fifty in my bath tub alone.
“Water… drink?”
“Okay, go ahead,” I tell the large tree as its woody tentacles that I now realize are roots creep up and into my bath tub again.
Meanwhile, I grab another apple, yes I’m calling it apple now and takes another bite. I’m not sure if this one is just juicier or if the fruit absorbs moisture from the bath tub, but the flesh of this one is softer, about the same softness as the apples I used to eat. But the sweetness, oh dear, it’s so lovely!
“Thank you… for water…” the tree pulls back its roots and walks away.
Yes, it walks away, with two legs. Huge tree legs but still, they were clearly legs. It’s also apparently bigger than I previously suspected now that I see it in the distance. I must have misread its size because I was looking up at it from below.
This is so surreal. So surreal in fact, that I only just realize that such a huge tree requires a lot of water. An amount that would have completely drained my bath tub. In panic, I look back at the water in the bath tub and noticed… that nothing changed.
It is very strange. Did it not drink the water? But it thanked me, so it must have drank enough water to make a difference. What is going on here?
