Read my work and give feedback if it's good or it's bad
- Thread starter NightWeeb
- Start date
binarysoap
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You might want to put a link too while you are at it, since I'm pretty sure everyone is very confused.
Nixil
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link
For me, it was honestly pretty pepega. I am definitely not the target audience.
First chapter was pretty rough.
Example: 'Zukyuun~! shley felt when she got the response. Master sure is a feminist.'
Zukyuun is probably fine as readers of this kind of story could probably understand and you do put a note at the bottom of the chapter, but I had no clue what that meant the first time through. Ashley missing the first letter probably means you didn't go back to edit the chapter after writing it which is discouraging for a reader. The rest of the sentence makes some sense, but is pretty awkward to read. I don't think feminist is the word you're looking for. Feminiser isn't apparently a word so you are probably looking for womaniser. I would prefer Casanova, but it doesn't match the tone of the story.
This is only one sentence; you should probably go over your work again if you have time.
I skimmed chapter two, but it looked pretty grim with the multiple jumps in time and exposition dumping.
To conclude, probably an okay read for the right audience.
For me, it was honestly pretty pepega. I am definitely not the target audience.
First chapter was pretty rough.
Example: 'Zukyuun~! shley felt when she got the response. Master sure is a feminist.'
Zukyuun is probably fine as readers of this kind of story could probably understand and you do put a note at the bottom of the chapter, but I had no clue what that meant the first time through. Ashley missing the first letter probably means you didn't go back to edit the chapter after writing it which is discouraging for a reader. The rest of the sentence makes some sense, but is pretty awkward to read. I don't think feminist is the word you're looking for. Feminiser isn't apparently a word so you are probably looking for womaniser. I would prefer Casanova, but it doesn't match the tone of the story.
This is only one sentence; you should probably go over your work again if you have time.
I skimmed chapter two, but it looked pretty grim with the multiple jumps in time and exposition dumping.
To conclude, probably an okay read for the right audience.