Read/rate swaps

Five6212

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May 24, 2023
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Promoting is hard, and so, as the title above says, why not help each other out. Link your stories below and I’ll check it out, I hope you do the same for mine. And also, let’s give genuine ratings on how we actually feel about the story as that will help the author improve (I hope). This is mot limited to only me, you can/should check out other authors works that catches your eyes. Ravenswood [A Transmigration Isekai Fantasy]
 

TheMonotonePuppet

A Writer With Enthusiasm & A Jester of Christmas!
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Promoting is hard, and so, as the title above says, why not help each other out. Link your stories below and I’ll check it out, I hope you do the same for mine. And also, let’s give genuine ratings on how we actually feel about the story as that will help the author improve (I hope). This is mot limited to only me, you can/should check out other authors works that catches your eyes. Ravenswood [A Transmigration Isekai Fantasy]
I will totally check yours out tomorrow. Feel free to skip checking mine out until then, so you can have the assurance I won't back out of reviewing your stuff. Right now, I am trying to meet a self-imposed amount of chapters to produce (with my reward being I am going to subscribe to an author's Patreon so I can read 30 of the chapters they have it). I am unfortunately way behind because a chapter keeps getting longer and I don't want to skimp on quality. So def tomorrow!
 

Five6212

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Joined
May 24, 2023
Messages
44
Points
18
I will totally check yours out tomorrow. Feel free to skip checking mine out until then, so you can have the assurance I won't back out of reviewing your stuff. Right now, I am trying to meet a self-imposed amount of chapters to produce (with my reward being I am going to subscribe to an author's Patreon so I can read 30 of the chapters they have it). I am unfortunately way behind because a chapter keeps getting longer and I don't want to skimp on quality. So def tomorrow!
Where’s yours?
 

LORD_SHAXX

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Great prologue BTW. Gonna stockpile a bunch of chapters before I give it a good read
 
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Five6212

Member
Joined
May 24, 2023
Messages
44
Points
18
Great prologue BTW. Gonna stockpile a bunch of chapters before I give it a good read
Thank you so much
Will check it out, kindly check out mine as well
 
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TheMonotonePuppet

A Writer With Enthusiasm & A Jester of Christmas!
Joined
Apr 24, 2023
Messages
2,455
Points
113
Promoting is hard, and so, as the title above says, why not help each other out. Link your stories below and I’ll check it out, I hope you do the same for mine. And also, let’s give genuine ratings on how we actually feel about the story as that will help the author improve (I hope). This is mot limited to only me, you can/should check out other authors works that catches your eyes. Ravenswood [A Transmigration Isekai Fantasy]
I think that the initial premise sounds pretty good. The writing style on-point, though there is the occasional run-on sentence, and sometimes it is better to refer to a character by something than proper nouns and instead use pronouns and terms that explain more of who they are. I enjoy the manner of speaking used in the dialogue. A formal vocabulary makes sense in this case.
Everard has a great personality. It is not visible enough (to me) in the earlier paragraphs, but it does shine through in the later paragraphs. I appreciate the defensiveness he shows, and his worldly knowledge. Really said their situation as it was, no holds barred. I do have an issue with the personality of Ayla though. It is the classic defenseless anime girl who weeps for the protag, screaming in a high voice then whispering his name in a quiet, worried tone. Virtually helpless cowards to be saved. Now, I will say that unlike many, at least you describe that type of personality well. I do apologize if I am coming off as harsh for the trope. It's a pet peeve of mine.
In the third chapter, names are introduced, but not directly connected to the person in question, and they are introduced from the start, rather than to let the reader find out with the MC's point of view (specifically, the names of Thaddeus and Thalia are used before Jon finds out through conversation). It's mildly confusing.
These references to witches and frost giants are quite interesting.
I hope this helps. I promised to give a rating today, but I feel like my exhaustion may have caused me to overlook the good parts in favor of the issues. Crossing fingers it works for you. Do you want this in a review and rating on the story-proper though?
 

Five6212

Member
Joined
May 24, 2023
Messages
44
Points
18
I think that the initial premise sounds pretty good. The writing style on-point, though there is the occasional run-on sentence, and sometimes it is better to refer to a character by something than proper nouns and instead use pronouns and terms that explain more of who they are. I enjoy the manner of speaking used in the dialogue. A formal vocabulary makes sense in this case.
Everard has a great personality. It is not visible enough (to me) in the earlier paragraphs, but it does shine through in the later paragraphs. I appreciate the defensiveness he shows, and his worldly knowledge. Really said their situation as it was, no holds barred. I do have an issue with the personality of Ayla though. It is the classic defenseless anime girl who weeps for the protag, screaming in a high voice then whispering his name in a quiet, worried tone. Virtually helpless cowards to be saved. Now, I will say that unlike many, at least you describe that type of personality well. I do apologize if I am coming off as harsh for the trope. It's a pet peeve of mine.
In the third chapter, names are introduced, but not directly connected to the person in question, and they are introduced from the start, rather than to let the reader find out with the MC's point of view (specifically, the names of Thaddeus and Thalia are used before Jon finds out through conversation). It's mildly confusing.
These references to witches and frost giants are quite interesting.
I hope this helps. I promised to give a rating today, but I feel like my exhaustion may have caused me to overlook the good parts in favor of the issues. Crossing fingers it works for you. Do you want this in a review and rating on the story-proper though?
Thank you for reading, I’m glad you enjoyed it. My writing style was kind of inspired by game of thrones using 3rd pov omniscient, the narrator knows everyone and their thoughts that’s why the names were said regardless of dialogues, but for Jon/Zephyr to use it, he had to have heard through dialogues. And yes, if you can for the review and rating
 

TheMonotonePuppet

A Writer With Enthusiasm & A Jester of Christmas!
Joined
Apr 24, 2023
Messages
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Thank you for reading, I’m glad you enjoyed it. My writing style was kind of inspired by game of thrones using 3rd pov omniscient, the narrator knows everyone and their thoughts that’s why the names were said regardless of dialogues, but for Jon/Zephyr to use it, he had to have heard through dialogues. And yes, if you can for the review and rating
Of course! Us writers have to stick together! Hope you enjoy mine if you check it out!
And totally understand that it's a personal preference! If you are using 3rd pov omniscient, make sure to use something to make Jon's thoughts distinct from the narration (like italics or... I dunno. I know you are supposed to make the MC's thoughts distinct for that type of thing, but I have never used that type of narration).
 

Five6212

Member
Joined
May 24, 2023
Messages
44
Points
18
Of course! Us writers have to stick together! Hope you enjoy mine if you check it out!
And totally understand that it's a personal preference! If you are using 3rd pov omniscient, make sure to use something to make Jon's thoughts distinct from the narration (like italics or... I dunno. I know you are supposed to make the MC's thoughts distinct for that type of thing, but I have never used that type of narration).
Oh, I checked yours out since you posted the link. I’m not a good reviewer so I didn’t say anything, because I didn’t want to come out and say nonsense, but I did read it and liked it. I tried rating on the site but scribble hub has been giving me issues, heck I can’t even comment. I dunno if it’s a bug
 

TheMonotonePuppet

A Writer With Enthusiasm & A Jester of Christmas!
Joined
Apr 24, 2023
Messages
2,455
Points
113
Oh, I checked yours out since you posted the link. I’m not a good reviewer so I didn’t say anything, because I didn’t want to come out and say nonsense, but I did read it and liked it. I tried rating on the site but scribble hub has been giving me issues, heck I can’t even comment. I dunno if it’s a bug
Huh. That's kind of weird. You poor thing! Hope they fix it for you!
Glad you liked it!
I shall sleep now, this puppet returning to their playbox for the night!
 
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