Review Swap (5/5)

RollieOwl

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Hello! I'm struggling rn simply because there's no feedback at all for my story. So I thought of doing a review swap.

Rules are :

1. I'll read the first 10k of your story, so please let me know what chapter that would be on your story. My 10k would be on chapter 6, but you're free to read less than that as long you did get through the first chapter.
2. Let me know if you want the review here, on the story page itself, or sent in DM.
3. I'm not exactly picky about genre, though I'd give some bias if you have an isekai/reincarnation story, but my absolute don'ts are Harem, QT, Historical Romance, and 18+ contents(really not in the mood for it rn). Anything else goes (y)
4. Please send your review of my story, G.o.D Project, to my DM.

Looking forwards to reading your works!
 

Corty

Spaghetti Monster
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As @SailusGebel said, there are feedback threads for that you can visit and post in~ :blob_highfive::blobtaco:
 
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TheMonotonePuppet

A Writer With Enthusiasm & A Jester of Christmas!
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Hello! I'm struggling rn simply because there's no feedback at all for my story. So I thought of doing a review swap.

Rules are :

1. I'll read the first 10k of your story, so please let me know what chapter that would be on your story. My 10k would be on chapter 6, but you're free to read less than that as long you did get through the first chapter.
2. Let me know if you want the review here, on the story page itself, or sent in DM.
3. I'm not exactly picky about genre, though I'd give some bias if you have an isekai/reincarnation story, but my absolute don'ts are Harem, QT, Historical Romance, and 18+ contents(really not in the mood for it rn). Anything else goes (y)
4. Please send your review of my story, G.o.D Project, to my DM.

Looking forwards to reading your works!
So I'm betting that 18+ includes heavy in-depth gore and a negative depiction of a sexual assault situation by an eldritch entity?:blob_pout::blob_frown:
 

RollieOwl

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Feb 13, 2021
Messages
24
Points
53
Wait for a few more days and I will give you feedback in my thread. There are two stories before yours.
Ah, I completely forgot that I've commented on your thread! Sorry :')
Have a thank you in advance and of course, I'll wait patiently for your review :D
lovely, was bored out of my mind not having anything quite interesting to do.
I can feel the boredom through the screen already, hope you enjoy the story! :D
So I'm betting that 18+ includes heavy in-depth gore and a negative depiction of a sexual assault situation by an eldritch entity?:blob_pout::blob_frown:
Negative sexual assault, yes. Eldritch entities and in depth gore, I'm actually fine with!
 

ManwX

Im from a Timeline where nuclear war destroyed all
Joined
Mar 12, 2022
Messages
422
Points
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Hello! I'm struggling rn simply because there's no feedback at all for my story. So I thought of doing a review swap.

Rules are :

1. I'll read the first 10k of your story, so please let me know what chapter that would be on your story. My 10k would be on chapter 6, but you're free to read less than that as long you did get through the first chapter.
2. Let me know if you want the review here, on the story page itself, or sent in DM.
3. I'm not exactly picky about genre, though I'd give some bias if you have an isekai/reincarnation story, but my absolute don'ts are Harem, QT, Historical Romance, and 18+ contents(really not in the mood for it rn). Anything else goes (y)
4. Please send your review of my story, G.o.D Project, to my DM.

Looking forwards to reading your works!
Im looking for feedback as well. You can review any of the 2 stories from my original. Thought journey to eden prime has only one chapter. Ill check out your story after my office hours 😊.

Journey to eden prime

Transmited as a villans older brother.
 

RollieOwl

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 13, 2021
Messages
24
Points
53
Im looking for feedback as well. You can review any of the 2 stories from my original. Thought journey to eden prime has only one chapter. Ill check out your story after my office hours 😊.
Much appreciated! Some questions though :

1. What chapter does your story lands on the 10k wordcount?
2. Should I post the review here, send by DM, or on the story directly?

Looking forward to reading it now! I think I'll give both a go starting with Eden Prime since it's shorter. Hope you have a great day 👍
 

ManwX

Im from a Timeline where nuclear war destroyed all
Joined
Mar 12, 2022
Messages
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103
Sure that would be lovely. Eden prime is my new series ive just started. Its not as rough as the other previous one. You can post your review here in the forms. If you feel like the story is good enough to deserve a review. Then you can do it on story directly. Give me your thoughts on what you like and what can be improved. Have a great day. 👍
 

RollieOwl

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Joined
Feb 13, 2021
Messages
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Points
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Sure that would be lovely. Eden prime is my new series ive just started. Its not as rough as the other previous one. You can post your review here in the forms. If you feel like the story is good enough to deserve a review. Then you can do it on story directly. Give me your thoughts on what you like and what can be improved. Have a great day. 👍
So here's my initial, fresh-off-reading thoughts on Eden Prime.

Intriguing is what I'd call this first chapter. You have piqued my interest 👀

That said I'm feeling a bit confused out by a few inconsistencies (which might also be because I'm not a very good reader) in this chapter alone. Like for example, Alex is said to keep his dream close to his chest, so I'm assuming it means he keeps it a secret and important to him, but it seems that everyone in the repair shop knows of this said dream? Then there's that two customers, Serena and Lina who are technically just strangers to him in this instance yet the narrative seems to shift to suggest he actually knows of them? The inconsistent shift between third person omniscient and third person limited pov is a bit jarring to say (unless of course you meant it to be this way in a meta sort of narrative sense)


Either way, it's a rather good chapter! Just lacking in a bit on the hook and the intrigue to keep me from reading more though, so unfortunately it doesn't have my attention yet. Hope this helps!
 

melchi

What is a custom title?
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Only read the first chapter and DM'd my impressions.

Also, as a side note I noticed 5 chapters posted the same day. If there are more than (3?) in a day the site thinks the author is trying to bump their story to get more readers and won't post it on new chapters until a cooldown passes.
 

RollieOwl

Well-known member
Joined
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Messages
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Only read the first chapter and DM'd my impressions.

Also, as a side note I noticed 5 chapters posted the same day. If there are more than (3?) in a day the site thinks the author is trying to bump their story to get more readers and won't post it on new chapters until a cooldown passes.
Ooh I see I see... How long the cooldown is, exactly? It's been a month ago and I didn't know there's that rule ("0_0)
And thank you very much for the feedback! I'll get to read your story soon!! 👍
 

ManwX

Im from a Timeline where nuclear war destroyed all
Joined
Mar 12, 2022
Messages
422
Points
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So here's my initial, fresh-off-reading thoughts on Eden Prime.

Intriguing is what I'd call this first chapter. You have piqued my interest 👀

That said I'm feeling a bit confused out by a few inconsistencies (which might also be because I'm not a very good reader) in this chapter alone. Like for example, Alex is said to keep his dream close to his chest, so I'm assuming it means he keeps it a secret and important to him, but it seems that everyone in the repair shop knows of this said dream? Then there's that two customers, Serena and Lina who are technically just strangers to him in this instance yet the narrative seems to shift to suggest he actually knows of them? The inconsistent shift between third person omniscient and third person limited pov is a bit jarring to say (unless of course you meant it to be this way in a meta sort of narrative sense)


Either way, it's a rather good chapter! Just lacking in a bit on the hook and the intrigue to keep me from reading more though, so unfortunately it doesn't have my attention yet. Hope this helps!
thanks. Yeah. both Serena and Lina were first-time customers.Alos Alex is like a charmer type. He just is smooth enough that he gets along with the ladies lol. still i think did too much as they were practically head over hell XD. As for Alex is said to keep his dream close to his chest. It's just metaphorical. It's no secret as his room was mentioned with faded posters etc. and everyone knows his dream even Gobo. They just think he's a mad man since only a select few get to have a license. I just give hints here and there. Let the readers put 2+2. XD thanks for the feedback
 
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ManwX

Im from a Timeline where nuclear war destroyed all
Joined
Mar 12, 2022
Messages
422
Points
103
Ooh I see I see... How long the cooldown is, exactly? It's been a month ago and I didn't know there's that rule ("0_0)
And thank you very much for the feedback! I'll get to read your story soon!! 👍
I read the first chapter. it's an interesting premise. The execution could have been better. Just some constructive criticism. The biggest issue was
lack of clarity. The chapter jumps between different perspectives and events without clear transitions, making it confusing for a reader like me to follow. its better to provide clearer indications of who the focal point is at each moment and establish smoother transitions between scenes.

Lack of character development. We just jump into the scene with characters. While the chapter focuses on the unfolding events, there is a limited exploration of the character's emotions, thoughts, and motivations. Providing deeper insights into the characters can help readers understand the situation.

Inconsistent tone: The chapter goes between descriptive and action-oriented passages, resulting in an inconsistent tone. kinda off-putting. maybe it's just me.

Dialogue issues: Some of the dialogue feels forced and lacks natural flow. They don't feel alive. Do you get me? Consider revisiting the conversations. They just feel monotone etc.

Cluttered descriptions: At times, the descriptions become cluttered with excessive adjectives and repetitive phrases.

Unclear world-building: The chapter introduces several elements, such as the gang, the Red Cross, and the school's protocols, without providing sufficient context or explanation. Ensure that the reader can understand the significance and relevance of these elements to the story. basically, its hard to follow.

Balancing exposition and action: Info dumps. Avoid lengthy explanations or infodumps that can disrupt the flow of the action. Instead, consider integrating important details more seamlessly into the narrative.
 
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