I wouldn't consider myself an experienced writter per say but I will give you my opinion on things that would help you grow your base and improve on your novel.
Small Note: This is just my personal opinion as a reader (yes, I read a couple of chapters just to get a better concept of your novel]. It is not mean to be an attack to your art, just constructive criticism you might choose to change or not. It is completely up to you!
Personally I don't think that changing the title of your novel will influence it greatly. Of course there are certain titles more appealing than others, so for example if you place "villainess/villain" or even "reborn/rebirth" (anything related to "isekais"), you tend to get a bigger base from the bat since those thematics are trending.
This doesn't mean that you won't get a base if you don't use certain "trending" words on your title so feel free to use whatever you see fit as the author of the story.
At the end of the day, you are the one that understands the story better and knows what it's the base goal behind it. Concluding, you can change it if you wish but it is not exactly an obligation.
I understand what that reader meant. By your simple writting style I assume you are working on a Light Novel rather than a Novel itself (since you use very little description and small sentences).
Well I've noticed a couple of things that you can improve that will facilitate the reading and keep the readers interested.
These are the things that I felt that could be improved:
1. Lack of Synonyms
So in your story you repeat certain words really close to each other. An example:
Don't get me wrong, repeating words is quite alright but there needs to be a distance between them. So for example, if you write "absorbed" in line 1, then you don't repeat that word in the following lines.
One solution for this is to find synonyms and allow your sentences to be smoother. For example:
2. Commas and Periods
I've noticed that your commas and periods are a bit all over the place. Sometimes you place a comma other times you place a period. I think that gets the reader confused and I would advise you to decide on one and stick to it.
Personally, I think that sticking with commas in your dialogues would be the way to go since the majority of the readers are more used to novels like that (and, if I am not mistaken, that is the "correct way" grammarly speaking). Of course it is up to you.
I would suggest to change it to the following:
3. Replacing character's names
In your dialogues you repeat your character's names way too often instead of changing them with other words (like "he", "they", "she" and so on). That makes the reading thougher since it makes it seem you are reading the same thing over and over again.
As you can see, this repeteating makes it a bit hard to keep up. Here are a few suggestions to improve it:
- Add a small description to distinguish the characters:
- Other option is to distinguish them by their actions or traits:
4. Confusing Sentences
I've come to find some of your sentences confusing. For example:
So in this sentence alone I can't understand what you mean: Is Carter the Supreme Leader? Is he warming up the seat for the Supreme Leader? It is not clear.
In this one I have no idea what you are talking about. Are you refering to the mines? Or are you refering to an area this soldier was protecting? I can't understand it.
5. Grammar Issues
In some sentences you end up making some harsh grammar mistakes. A review would help to improve this!
For example:
I'm assuming that you meant "ours" and not "us".
6. Random lines?
So in your story the little bit I placed in Italic has a harsh line on top, which makes it not very readable. I don't really understand why it is there but I think it makes it confusing.
The only logical explanation is that it is a "thought" and not a "speech" so, if that is the case, there is a easy solution.
Use " " for speech & ' ' for thoughs. Easy and simple!
7. A bit more details
I'm not refering to character details since I think that is up to the writter BUT I think that you repeat yourself quite a lot within the speeches.
Examples:
Using a bit of description as I showed in the point 3º of this reply or even using some synonyms (like, "Stated", "Declared", "Affirmed", "Questioned", "Responded", and so on...) will help to relieve this feeling of repetition on the dialogues themselves.
I think that is completely up to you, once again. One of my friends deleted his novel and after reviewing posted it again but some people didn't quite like it so they began rating it lower than before. You will never be able to please everyone so just do what you would like and what makes you more comfortable with.
Even if you lose your current reader base that doesn't mean that everything is lost because you will be able to regain them as you upload more chapters.
Regarding the upload time... It is complicated since no one actually knows how the Scribble's algorythim works but I personally think that going steady is the way.
I think that the majority of the writers publish 1 to 2 chapters a week, some of them on sheduled days (like myself) or ramdomly. Other even post 2 chapters per day one during the morning and one at night. Of course, you have to check your availability and see how much you can write.
I would advise you to actually stack up some chapters and upload them as you go so you won't run out of content if any accident might happen (for example, you getting sick and so on).
Personally, I would say that it is a matter of seeing what fits you and your community better overall. Trial and Error are the way to go.
I think that covers are one of the most important things on a novel specially when you want to catch a reader's interest: the better your cover, the more views you will have.
Note that I said views and not readers since views happen when people click your page because they are curious and the readers are the ones that stay after reading your story properly.
Personally, I would advise you to actually get an appealing cover, either from Royalty Free Images, a paid artist or even a piece of art that you have the permission from the artist itself. I think that might help your novel to grow.
Some extra things I would suggest is to use the app Grammarly to correct some mistakes and review your story (keep in mind that the app isn't always right but it is already a great help for writers who are starting out) and the webside Word Counter (this one allows you to see what are the words you repeat the most, how long does it take to read the story, how is it's reading level and so on).
Another tip I would give you is to review your chapters at least 2 times: so you write the chapter, read it once and correct any mistakes and then either read it out loud or in a Text-To-Speech app. This will allow you to see if your are repeating yourself too much and if the sentences do sound right.
Also, I think your synopsys is a bit long. Personally I would just do a paragraph and I would be done because, at the end of the day, a synopsys is supposed to be just a small "sniff" of your story and not a through explanation. Adding questions to the synopsys such as "Will he be able to prevent his doom?" and things between these lines, will also sparkle a curiosity within the reader to know more.
Reading english books and novels will help you improve your grammar and vocabulary a lot so I would advise you to do so. I've seen some great novels around here but I've also seen some that could use some improvement in those two categories so, if you are aiming to learn I would advise you to choose wisely and not read a novel/book just for the plot itself.
Note: I'm not stating that the plots are bad, it's just that the grammar and the vocabulary used are weak and won't help you to improve!
OOF, I've written a lot, like a LOOOOOT. I'm sorry for the long text. These are just some critics/things I think you could improve. Of course it's up to you if you want to use them or not but, either ways, I just wanted to help a fellow writer out.
Hope your novel turns out super duper good and you manage to achieve the goals you want!
P.S.: Sorry for any errors, it is super early here and I just woke up. #IWokeUpLikeThis