Writing Prompt Skills I didn't think I'd use in the zombie apocalypse.

JJglas

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Apr 19, 2019
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In the event of societal collapse due to zombification there are certain skills you will definitely need to survive.
Then there are skills you never expected to use again.

Here are some further ideas you may want to use-

Hopeful: Throwing a concert to uplift fellow survivors

Horrible: My barbecue skills were handy once the food ran out and we turned to cannibalism!

Sorrowful: Sculpting a memorial to those gone...

Random: THERE ARE ZOMBIES COMING OUT OF THE TOILET SOMEONE CALL A PLUMBER!!!
 

JustHANO

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Dec 27, 2018
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*starts to make whole story about self-felacio*

*realize I'm writing this in a middle school*

"There's a time and place for everything, but not now." -Oak
 

JustHANO

Active member
Joined
Dec 27, 2018
Messages
107
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Now that I'm off work...

After the outbreak, America really went downhill. I mean I'm glad it wasn't anything like the movies, but the decline in people just means I'm less likely to ever make friends. I'm 25, that's why I decided to change my life. I started to work out, eat healthy; you know all the usual new-society resolutions. I was open to anything really, I was even contemplating yoga. In my city there's this new type of yoga that started. I don't know much about it, but it can't be too much different from old yoga. I managed to catch one of the class-goers on their way out.

"How's it going, um , buddy."

"Going great! Just got done with those PAY classes."

"I was actually wondering about those."

"What's to wonder. They're great!" His tone struck me as some sort of cult follower.

"Yea, I've heard good things. Name kinda throws me off. PAY? It kinda sounds like some brainwashing... thing."

"Not at all. It's great, just a new fad. After losing their partners and loved ones in the apocalypse, people needed a way to gain vigor without them. I mean seriously, do I look brainwashed to you." Fuck yeah, he did.

His smile looked pasted onto his face and he dressed as if we were in some sort of utopia. It's freaky, he has his coffee and looks to be off to work. But he looks happy, way too happy... I should just go. Drop the conversation and dip. Just never look into this presumable cult again. I've seen horror films, this is how they start. If I was smart I'd run right now.

"Not at all..." But I'm dumb.

"Listen why don't you drop by tomorrow. You can try it out."

"I don't know."

"It'll be fine. If you want we can meet-up beforehand for a bit of pre-game."

"Sure, what the hell. It can't be that bad. Go try it out, probably find some ladies to sit behind." I weakly chuckle at my own cringy jokes.

"No females, that why we have it. Here I'll give you my number in case you want to pre-game. The early the better you know."

"Is that so."

"Yea, fellatio is best right after you wake-up. Here you go. Hope to see you tomorrow!"

"Sure, but what does PAY stand for?"

"Post-apocalyptic Autoerotic Yoga."

And just like that, I had made a new friend. It's all about getting past your anxiety and not listening to that voice that tries and convinces you that everything is shady. In the process I also got some new yoga to help better my health.

"Fellatio? Autoerotic? Hm..... must be some type of yoga from France. Whatever it is I won't be afraid to take it on head first!"
 

JJglas

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Apr 19, 2019
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Oh dear, this doesn't sound like a cult at all...

I would be wary of this "French Yoga" those croissants are up to shenanigans I tell you!

In all seriousness I never expected to read the words "Post-apocalyptic Autoerotic Yoga."
Can you imagine what would happen if one of those kiddies in the middle school read that...
It would require some elaborate lying to say the least!

"What does fellatio mean?" asks the child.
Hesitantly you respond "... its some sort of French delicacy..."
 

Llamadragon

Active member
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Jan 19, 2019
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It was early summer and the garden was surrounded by lush and soft greenery in all directions, swallowing the cottage almost entirely. The garden was a little wild-grown, but not neglected - row after row of pale pink and white flowers grew there like nobodys’ business, each one at least tall enough to reach a grown man to the waist.
”Here it is. My marshmallow garden.” Meagan said as she lead her guest in through the gate of the deer fence. ”This is the plant I grow the most of, so you’ll spend most of your time here. The bulk of the work you’ll do this time of year is just weeding and collecting nettles for the compost brew, but you’ll also handle the deliveries, every monday and thursday. Don’t worry, I’ll handle the emergency deliveries in case of zombie attacks, so you just need to focus on getting the pre-orders to our customers. I’ve already let everybody know that you’ll be the one coming over from now on. I’ve mentioned you don’t talk, so don’t feel pressured about that, they’ll understand.”

The boy - whom Meagan had named Adrian - tilted his head a little as she mentioned ”emergency deliveries in case of zombie attacks”. He wondered what kind of stuff she was actually delivering, because thus far, the opnly job for him she’d spoken of were about these flowers. She had a herb garden, so maybe medicine..? He hadn’t seen any weapons, so it probably wasn’t that. He reached out and touched one of the plants. The flowers smelled of a mellow sweetness, and the leaves felt as soft as baby bunny fur. She smiled, gently and somewhat sad, at this child who never spoke.
”They make a great tea, these ones. Just seep the leaves in hot water for a few minutes and you’ll have a brew that’s great for calming down. Feels like drinking a soft, internal hug. Great for belly aches and stomach problems, too. It was my favorite tea back before the apocalypse and hard to find in stores, so it was the only flower I bothered to learn to properly care for. Quite the mistake in retrospect, of course. I was a devout prepper, so the only gardening field I really learned about was how to grow vegetables, in case shit ever hit the fan,” she chuckled. ”Well I mean, who’d have guessed, right? When the living started to wake up dead, caring for flowers was simply a skill no one expected to use agai-”

Out on the road, someone screamed ”ZOMBIES!” and Adrian immediately spun around and magicked a small gun from somewhere on his person, aiming it at the source of the scream. He had carefully observed every little detail about this place - the little deer fence wouldn’t keep zombies out for more than a minute and he had no idea where Meagans’ weapons stash was.
”Chill, kid. I’ve got this. You’ll be doing this later when you’re older so you might as well come and see how we do it.” Meagan said and walked towards the gate with a little hurry in her step, but absolutely devoid of fear. Adrian couldn’t decide if she was crazy or simply confident, but seeing as she and her village had survived three years of zombies... maybe? But he couldn’t see any weapons on her. All she carried was a basket with those marshmallow flowers. He decided ”insane” and wanted to run, but in the end - after hesitating until she had disappeared out of his sight and then some - he pointed his loaded gun at the ground and stalked after his new caretaker. She seemed.. nice, and he didn’t want to lose another place to stay if he could help it. If he had to, and there weren’t too many of them, he decided to cover for this crazy lady best he could.

But what he saw after he made it out onto the road stunned him. Meagan stood, her back straight and graceful, and calmly handed out flowers for the living dead. They looked at her as if they didn’t know what to think at first, as if these mindless creatures that only knew gore and hunger could stop and pause - and then, one at a time, they gently reached for a flower as she held them out for them to take. They brought it to their faces as if smelling them, gently rubbed the bunny-soft leaves between their fingertips and, as if they were satisfied, sat down underneath the trees and ceased their ragged breathing, holding the plants to their chests. Adrian stared in absolute disbelief as the mad light faded from their eyes. Mere minutes passed, and then, when Meagan almost ran out of flowers, the zombies had all peacefully passed away. She stood silently and watched them for a moment, and her smile when she turned around was bright and warm.

”We don’t need to take care of the corpses. That man who raised the alarm earlier should’ve already sent someone else from the village to give them a proper funeral.”
”You know,” she said to Adrian, ”back when the internet was still a thing and I did some research on growing these ones, I read somewhere that the ancients used to plant mallow on the graves of the dead. It said that mallow is a spiritually potent plant and that its presence fed and nourished the souls of the deceased. It didn’t say what culture, and I have no idea if it was marshmallow or not - as a piece of random trivia, there are over four thousand species of the Malvaceae family in the world. Or maybe what the restless dead really need is just peace? Something to give them a soft, internal hug, that is good for stress.”
She handed Adrian the marshmallow she was holding in her hand, and then gestured him back to the garden. ”Come on. I’ll show you were we keep all the garden tools.”

Maybe, what the restless dead really need is just peace? Something to give them a soft, internal hug, that is good for stress. For some reason, those words repeated themselves in his head, and his expressionless face softened a little, just a little.
 

HURGMCGURG

That Guy
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Jan 22, 2019
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Zombies are stupid. Don't let anyone ever tell you something else. Zombies just slowly walk forward at such a pace that you can just bash their heads in. The only real time you should fear them is when there's a hoard of them. I can hear someone almost as dumb as zombies shouting at me now, 'What about them biting you? If you get bitten, you're screwed!' Yeah, if you get bitten. You just have to take the right precautions first.

Before the apocalypse, I didn't have a very important job. It was important for some people, but I was an expendable person. I could be replaced. I didn't work in an office or work as a bus driver or something similar. I worked in theatre productions. Not as an actor, mind you, but backstage. I did make up and adjusted costumes, did some minor work in lighting and stage props. I got around, filled in where I was needed. I never did manage to be involved in any really famous productions, but I thought I did my job pretty well. It's a shame, because I had always wanted to be out on stage, playing a role instead. I loved dramas and musicals. However, I was always told my acting was too wooden, my movements felt fake, sometimes jerky. My expressions would always look odd. I had heard it enough times to know it was true, but it still hurts to know you can't live out your dreams.

So, the zombies start appearing. I'm at home. I had brought some old costumes and makeup from the theatre home with me a long while back. When the zombies got everywhere, I did what I did best. I got a character ready. I covered my face in makeup, and padded my body with enough clothes to make sure the zombies wouldn't bite me easily. I didn't have to try and act that hard, as the zombies weren't that smart. My movements were jerky, but they fit the zombies well. My expression was odd, but it matched the grotesque looks of the monsters.

Now, I do what I used to do. I stitch together outfits, I put on make up, but now I get to be what I always wanted to be.

An actor.
 

XianPiete

Bad Fiction Author
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Apr 16, 2019
Messages
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In the event of societal collapse due to zombification there are certain skills you will definitely need to survive.
Then there are skills you never expected to use again.

The Zombie apocalypse ended up being much worse than anyone ever imagined. Not only did it spread fast, the zombies turned out to be much more terrifying than anyone could have ever imagined. I was one of the lucky survivors, having been accidentally locked in a McDonald's walk in refrigerator at the time of the outbreak. My town was one of the worst affected by the outbreak, which was why the very special set of skills I had spent a very long time acquiring over a lengthy career ended up coming in very handy.

I sighed and cracked my neck pumping myself up for the very messy job I would be doing at this house. The lady had called me in panic earlier in the day, "The zombies, you have to come, the zombies... I can't even..."

I replied, "Don't worry ma'am, you called the right man. I'll be there shortly. Just prepare the items I mentioned, that will keep them busy until I get there. Whatever you do, don't open that door."

Her soft sobs calmed and she mumbled, "Alright, I'll do that. It won't take you long to get here then?"

"I'm already here." I said.

She came running to the door and said in a panic, "They are in the other room, I gave them the things you told me to, will it take long?"

I cracked my knuckles, checked my bag to make sure I had all my tools and said, "Don't worry, it won't take long. This will all be over in time for dinner."

She let out a breath and all but collapsed, "Oh thank god. You birthday clowns are amazing."

I honked my nose and said, "Don't worry, Zombies just need to laugh and then they'll leave until they get bored again. We'll always be there to bring the yucks." I did a sideways shuffle into the room and started my routine.
 
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CupcakeNinja

Pervert Supreme
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Jan 1, 2019
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I'm prolly gonna either get deleted or reported but SOMEONE had to. If you think this wouldn't happen, you're a sweet summer child and too good for this world.

***

So there's a zombie apocalypse, yeah?

You'd think there'd be killing, thieving and raping, wouldn't you? Just pure fucking chaos.

Well, bud, you're absolutely wrong.

All it did was give wings to an industry that, while much loved, had never quite been explored as fully as it should have.

That's right pal, you guessed it: Necrophilia.

And me, I was the one to turn that fetish into a business. You see the world had DECADES to prepare. No one was scared of a few slow-moving rigor mortis'd little shits with bad breath. No, the whole affair was rather lackluster. People killed the poor things for sport, kept them as pet.

But I saw the well-preserved body of my infected girlfriend and thought, "Hey, a hole's a hole."

No one else saw the potential. While everyone else was out hunting, I was bagging and tagging. If there was one talent I was born with, it was whoremongering.

I'd say I used it well, all things considered.

Oh you wouldn't believe how many people got hard-ons for for a nice zombie ass they didn't have to hold anything back on. Have you ever seen a person drill a hole in someone's head and literally fuck their brains out? I have, and I recorded the whole thing.

Hell by the end of the first year I had a monopoly on the zombie sex trade. It wasn't just common plebs who were infected either. You want a blowjob from Scarlet's teethless mouth? Peg Trump? I'm your man.

I think the women were the nastiest. They craved a cold, hard cock in them as much as men went crazy over a wet, icy cunt. It was tricky finding the right drug to get a zombie erect. But where there's a will there's a way.

Now there's a Necropolis in every goddamn city from Washington to the Andes. And you can bet your ass I ain't stoppin' there.

It's like they say. Once a pimp, always a pimp.
 

ArcadiaBlade

I'm a Lazy Writer, So What?
Joined
Dec 23, 2018
Messages
885
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133
There's always a job even in an apocalypse.

Be it is a scavenger, a fighter, a medic or just being a plain old bandit. Everyone would always contribute to the time of chaos.

In the first years of the apocalypse, I usually do what a survivor does in the early days before ending up with a stable job. Scavenging, looting and killing zombies all around but after a while, I had this strange thought in my head.

My mind began to explode an idea when I talked to survivors and ask opinions about this job I wanted to do in the apocalypse.

'Are you nuts?!' 'Thats the most craziest ideas I would ever hear in my entire life.' 'don't be stupid!' All of them were shocked at the brilliant idea that I ever thought. But even so, I didn't give up on pursuing the dream job I had in this crazy world.

"So, I have now finished telling you my story on landing this job Mr....um..."

"Graaaawwwwlllll...."

"Right right, Mr. Grawl. We're not talking about my life story but yours but carry on with the talk. I have a lot of clients and don't wanna waste time..."

"Gaaaawwwwlllssss...."

"Hey Hey! We just talked about not the physical contact Mr. Grawl. This is the 5th time and I won't hesitate on breaking that other leg of yours if you keep this up."

The job of being a Therapist ain't easy. Especially if your clients are flesh-eating monstrosity but I never felt this happy since the start of the apocalypse. The annoying parts are the rest of the clients and their habit of trying to get into physical on me but that's always why I carry a weapon or two in case. I maybe a beginner at it but at least i am dedicated on my job and helping the rest of humanity...or whats left of it....
 
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