Some tragedy coma romance redemption story or something outline

[Mysticant]

Well I always had this story in mind, but I have real doubts I would ever actually write it. So here, if anyone is interested feel free. It is just something I had long thought of based off some VNs, LNs and other stuff. I personally feel this will be quite a challenge. And if you do pick this up feel free to adjust it. Yes, I know it is not nice to write a essay and say it is all a dream, but think of this as something like omori but I would prefer to call it darker. Still very cheesy in my opinion, but it is my hobby to make cheesy plots I guess?

At least it is not a damn system, signin, isekai, wish fulfillment crap plot. Hmm, maybe I should just go and just write it out with my mediocre writing skills. I don't know if this is a writing prompt or just some third-rated script dug up from the depths of my mind based off the length.

Likely tags:
Tragedy, Slice of life, Psychological Horror, Female lead, Mind break?, PG-13?, Bad Endings?

Story Synopsis(Spoiler):
A 3x-year-old female office worker who recently broken up with her philandering boyfriend whilst 8 months pregnant gets into an accident and goes into a coma alongside a miscarriage. The background plot was that she is also overworked, emotionally distressed and well not really fit to drive, so yes the accident is the MC's fault. This spreads across 4 acts where 2 acts lie in the MC's coma.

Protagonist: MC
Antagonist: Everyone (including MC)
The goal of the story: To make you feel bad I guess? This is one of those stories I crafted where every end is a bad end. Some are just less bad than other if you think about it.

Act 1: Spring petals drifts, as the veil lifts
There is basically a few dimensions to this arc. Since the patient is in a coma and is basically in a dream mode, the story runs into the past when she was in high school where she first hooked up with the said guy(who is for some reason a popular guy). There is some dissonance between the dream and her actual past and she gets a free amnesia pass, cause who likes remembering bad stuff?

Now the funky stuff comes in, her female best friend is her unborn daughter, the ex-boyfriend is still the current boyfriend, the doctor caring for her is a close friend, along with a few other real high school friends she has. Act 1's antagonist is the victim of the car accident which is another pregnant woman, her daughter and the husband. So basically imagine some typical high school romance but all of this underlying plot. Since it is on a dream premise, there is some degree of irregularities and creative writing (not too much). And well every morning when MC's parents are waking her up, they are actually talking to her by the hospital bedside(basically background plot).

Basically, this whole high school charade can go on with small conflicts with Act 1's antagonist up till the husband grabs the MC by the collar (both in the dream and in real life). The MC's fake spiritual support is the ex-boyfriend, while the real one is the unborn daughter. The doctor is there just to give some side objective advice like a friend while also giving her some subtle insight to her current situation in the coma. This is where I kind of get stuck since this story is meant to have a good (or real bad) end through various scenarios so the MC does not wake up, or proceed into Act 2.

Act 2: Summer glares bright, shadows loom in fright
Act 2 is basically half a slice of life and then just does a 180-degree turn to psychological horror. After the first climax in Act 1, everything seems to go on as per normal with subtle hints. Act 2's main antagonist is the unborn daughter whose main goal is to convince her to never wake up as she believes that is the best end. However, do you remember nightmares? Now your slice of life game bishoujos and bishounens will turn midway into horror beings with distorted faces. Everyone but the unborn child is a "distorted being", letting her be the only ally and guiding light.

So imagine a fun cat-and-mouse game based off individual perception where everyone is your enemy and your biggest enemy is the only ally you have. This is also where there are more truths mixed in with lies as the MC actually gets some sort of idea that she is in a dream and that most of the memories in Act 1 were also adjusted from her true past. Act 2's tipping point is when MC realises that her best friend has a distorted sense of love (child to mother) and rejection towards splitting up. So yes, the unborn child is really attached to the MC and once the plot point requires them to split because the MC wants to be alone then the pin drop initiates. Now, she has a yandere unborn child who does not want her to wake up.

Well, the point is she does not know that it is her unborn child, so she is clueless why her best friend turns from a happy-go-lucky girl to that girl who gives off creepy vibes while still looking cheerful asking her why does she not want to be together. The unborn child has always been misleading the MC from the start to not wake up but as the MC starts to dig out the truth, she questions who is this "best friend"? This is also the part where the boyfriend starts losing interest in her and shows subtle signs of cheating on her like what happened in real life. I guess there could possibly be the other background character which was always in Act 1 which is the victim's unborn child (can be male or female but in my notes it was female) help her out.

Basically, this is just slowly unveiling the truth in some psych horror story and the actual climax is when the MC is about to wake up and the best friend aka unborn child asks "Do you not want to be with me anymore?". So if this was a game the bad end is to stay with her in the dream and the good end to Act 3 is to wake up. Well, in both ends the unborn child concludes the Act with "I will always love you" with a soft smile from my perception. Act 2 ends with the MC opening her eyes to a hospital room.

Act 3: Autumn leaves drift, tears fall in grief
Redemption arc plus all of the plot reveals. Act 3 is basically a realization and redemption arc so there is no real antagonist but perhaps the MC herself...and that sorry excuse of a boyfriend. So, now the plot revolves around the main world where the MC starts picking up what happened was a dream and she has a sense of loss and discord as there were things different in the dream but she can not find out the reason behind it. So plot reveal 1 is that the victims are finally introduced, so she recognises why the antagonists of Act 1 was there and that she was close to being strangled in the first act climax as the husband was in rage due to the miscarriage of their child/daughter. The ex-boyfriend also makes a reveal at one point just to apologise to her while she blames him, probably because he feels sort of guilty and isn't the shittiest two-dimensional xianxia protagonist out there. Plot reveal 2, the wake up calls that happen in Act 1 that were inconsistent and sometimes on weekends were the MC's parents who were visiting her and this was explained by the observer who was the doctor. So this is some redemption drama with the MC still wondering who the best friend was. The MC basically resumes her life back to normal and it becomes some slice of life with mini-drama.

Act 3's tipping point would probably be the point the MC is really confused who the best friend is and starts asking her acquaintances about it. There was also a point where the MC automatically ignores a certain room in her house which was basically the room that was prepared for the child. It was only up to the point the MC coincidentally meets up with the ex-boyfriend who she would rather not meet, that she finds out that the best friend's name was coincidentally one of the name she really wanted for her unborn child. Act 3 has no real climax in action, but the MC basically rushes back to her home just to open said room to find a diary on the bed. Very traditional huh, a diary for plot convenience. The majority of this "climax" is basically the MC reading off this supposed diary of her future plans with that child which were majority of the subplot events in Act 1 and Act 2. The end of the diary was basically a poorly drawn image of the MC, ex-boyfriend along with the child in the centre for her high school initiation which also coincides with a photo event in Act 1 which was also one of the rare few moments where the best friend actually likes interacting with the ex-boyfriend. Act 3 basically ends with the MC sobbing at the bedside.

Act 4: Winter's frost melts, a new story awaits
Side stories arc, basically other info dumps I have thought of. I am too lazy to write them but yes Act 4 is not really big but just there cause I already had 4 seasons plotted in my mind.


TL;DR
Sooooo, what does anybody think? Should I just get up my lazy ass to write a loooooooong story or just throw it to someone else. Very cheesy right? All of my tragedy MCs shall all converge in hopes to create the ultimate feelsbad story.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Sooooo, what does anybody think? Should I just get up my lazy ass to write a loooooooong story or

Just do it.

Been cataloguing some story ideas myself that may not see the light of the day. Only you can write how you imagine it to be. Any other writer and they probably will have some freedom in modifying the story to their tastes, but how far it deviates from what you imagine the story can vary...

 

[K5Rakitan]

This isn't a prompt; it's an outline.

 

[Mysticant]

Quite true, hmm who know maybe I will be motivated to actually write a slice of life. I am not good at those stuff.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

This isn't a prompt; it's an outline.

True. But there aren't really story ideas/outlines here so the closest is probably writing prompt where they can throw this idea out.

Quite true, hmm who know maybe I will be motivated to actually write a slice of life. I am not good at those stuff.

Its alright. I'm not good at writing and completing it. Good luck may you find some of that motivation someday to write it out.

 

[LoliGent]

Now the funky stuff comes in, her female best friend is her unborn daughter, the ex-boyfriend is still the current boyfriend, the doctor caring for her is a close friend, along with a few other real high school friends she has. Act 1's antagonist is the victim of the car accident which is another pregnant woman, her daughter and the husband. So basically imagine some typical high school romance but all of this underlying plot. Since it is on a dream premise, there is some degree of irregularities and creative writing (not too much). And well every morning when MC's parents are waking her up, they are actually talking to her by the hospital bedside(basically background plot).

Okay... so I'm already lost. I know it's a dream but I feel like switching around roles will get too convoluted. In fact, the whole plot seems convoluted due to the dream aspect of it. But who knows, maybe you are on to something and my inferior brain can't process the mad genius this story can probably turn out to be.

I do feel like the confusing premise will turn people off but looks like it's designed to be that way. I'd say be careful because you don't want people turning away at the first chapter just because they can't figure out what is going on. I'd say introduce the characters in the real world first and establish them before we enter the dream world and every role gets reassigned.

Otherwise, not a bad idea, but the real challenge will be executing it well.

 

[Mysticant]

Okay... so I'm already lost. I know it's a dream but I feel like switching around roles will get too convoluted. In fact, the whole plot seems convoluted due to the dream aspect of it. But who knows, maybe you are on to something and my inferior brain can't process the mad genius this story can probably turn out to be.

I do feel like the confusing premise will turn people off but looks like it's designed to be that way. I'd say be careful because you don't want people turning away at the first chapter just because they can't figure out what is going on. I'd say introduce the characters in the real world first and establish them before we enter the dream world and every role gets reassigned.

Otherwise, not a bad idea, but the real challenge will be executing it well.

I mean the story is meant to be multi-layered. Something like LOTM.
The main post is sort of the plot from the writer's point of view.

The reader's point of view:
Act 1: Slice of life with minor conflict (Everything is all normal on the surface)
Act 2: Slice of life first half, psychological horror second half (Something is starting to go wrong)
Act 3: Awakening Arc, this is where understanding of the writing gets sort of complex. But it would be some mid-life crisis drama. And all the plot reveals only happen here. (Why things went wrong and how it could be set right)

Act 3 will be the start where all the cross-referencing to Act 1 and 2 starts like why the boyfriend turned cold, why there is a good end and bad end in Act 1 and 2. The core idea of Act 3 would be whether it was worth it to 'wake up' and 'finding the missing pieces'. Everything should be complex to a writer, but normal to a reader if pulled well in my opinion. It is something like little busters by Key.

Act 4: Is optional. I believe there will be plenty of loose ends to tie by here. (Side stories)
Each Act has its own sets of conflict, climax, and 'resolutions'.

I am not sure of how much the readers would like it when I start throwing them under the bus by the sudden genre change like in Act 2. Basically something like doki-doki literature club, I guess? The closest in my opinion would be omori. Both of them are games, the concept revolves around playing a light-hearted slice of life early on and then switching to psych horror later. This is similar just that I added another dimension which is concurrent real-life events which is, to be honest, only revealed Act 3.

Probably it would be too ambitious to try it out. I am curious though, this sounds like a very nice VN, game or anime to look at. I personally found the former 2 games I mentioned a bit artificial or childish for my taste. This covers quite a lot of actual real-life medical concepts, which is probably why it is very complex.

Coma interactions. Selective amnesia. How dreams work. Depression. Delusions. It probably also includes the 5 stages of grief and other concepts.

Though it is a fantasy, the scenario can probably actually happen in real life albeit stretched a little far. It is like those Japanese Josei dramas out there.

 

[BenJepheneT]

This isn't a prompt; it's an outline.

Man's put out his WHOLE story idea but is too lazy to write it out and think he pulled a fast one by sugarcoating it as "hey I got this cool idea here want to write it ;)"

 

[Mysticant]

Man's put out his WHOLE story idea but is too lazy to write it out and think he pulled a fast one by sugarcoating it as "hey I got this cool idea here want to write it ;)"

I mean that is the TL;DR of this, no? I am fairly aware of my potential in writing. I know that I am highly unlikely to have the aptitude to pull it off even if I work hard on it. That is why I offer it, at best someone takes it. At worst, maybe someone gets some ideas to write their novel. I don't know, I am pretty sure that was my train of thought at the start.

And this concept was something that had been lingering in my mind since last year in March when COVID started, way before the game omori came out iirc. You are not wrong to say I am really too lazy to write it out.

 

[BenJepheneT]

I mean that is the TL;DR of this, no? I am fairly aware of my potential in writing. I know that I am highly unlikely to have the aptitude to pull it off even if I work hard on it. That is why I offer it, at best someone takes it. At worst, maybe someone gets some ideas to write their novel. I don't know, I am pretty sure that was my train of thought at the start.

And this concept was something that had been lingering in my mind since last year in March when COVID started, way before the game omori came out iirc. You are not wrong to say I am really too lazy to write it out.

I'm gonna be real with you my guy: you gotta write that shit out. I won't bore you with motivational jargon, but I will tell you from personal experience: it feels infinitely better to laze while knowing you've written something than to laze knowing you've never.

 

[Mysticant]

I'm gonna be real with you my guy: you gotta write that shit out. I won't bore you with motivational jargon, but I will tell you from personal experience: it feels infinitely better to laze while knowing you've written something than to laze knowing you've never.

I agree with that statement. Just that I never found the confidence to, as mentioned before I am not familiar with slice of life writing. I am not female, have scant relationship experience, no breakup experiences, and other stuff. There are definitely more suitable writers for this plot. I could and probably would still try it sometime later. Even my current novel is just a minor test version for Act 2. It is like a test to see how I could handle a complex book with an easier version.

I would definitely try this. After all with one entire year of novel reading in between plus my previous years of novel reading before that and personally finding every single plot I read inferior (complete personal bias but yeah), it would definitely be too regretful for me to let this up. At least now that I have made the initiative to post this outline here, it shows that I am actually starting to take some action than just leaving it as mind space.