Synopsis Feedback Thread

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Deleted member 57675

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Eh. It's been awhile. Seeing all those provide a feedback thread a day ago, its time to reanimate a certain thread.

Reading whole stories are too long and some don't have enough posted to give an accurate review. Thus, post only your synopsis.

A synopsis on ScribbleHub is the story's blurb or the short description on the back of a book. It is the Story's Details on Wattpad, and Synopsis on RoyalRoad. If it's not the cover, not the title, then its the synopsis that hooks a reader in. Online will define it as a brief description of your story with something to hook a reader in.

Anyone can give feedback but one must provide explanations why it is so and give suggestions on how to improve the synopsis.
Anyone can share their synopsis, but must be open to constructive criticism. Grammar, plot, how it sounds, etc...

You must put the synopsis/story link in the thread. Some of us view through phone only so signatures do not show up for us.

Yes, I'm back. Sort of.
 
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Forgive me, I'm still pretty rusty on synopsis feedback, so take it with a grain of salt.
@PeacefulMyst :
After all his failures in his previous life as a ruler, Abraham died and was brought to a new world by an unknown entity for unknown purposes.
First part of this sentence makes it sound like there's a catch or something.
Abraham found himself in this new world filled with, secret organizations, eldritch horrors, Gods, magic and insanity.
Comma after with can be removed. You don't have to capitalize the words when you list them, unless its like a names, places, etc.
What started as a new life in another world for Abraham, very quickly turned into quite the nightmare.
No need for a comma after Abraham.
Afterall... everything is quite suspiciously being laid out for him by 'The Most Ancient Creator.'
Period within the quotations.
He can even loose control of his body to 'him.' Each of his decisions are constantly monitored by 'Them.' All he could do is fight back against the madness of this world with all he has. And all he has in this world filled with madness and threats in the dark is the ability to read other's thoughts. Unfortunately for him, this ability is more of a curse than a strength.
He can even loose control of his body to him? Who's him? Can even sounds bit weird. Like even sounds like something that's added after stating something. Missing a period after Them.
Periods within the quotations.
And the people in his 'new world' aren't great either. They are against a formidable foe and are losing yet... They're scattered.
Yet at the end makes it sound like there will be something. Like despite this, there's a advantage. And yet refers to future time when something hasn't happened just yet. Are they losing right now or losing in the future?
And, as for the gods...

Abraham cannot rely on them. 'They' aren't benevolent.
Just a few grammar errors with capitalization and punctuation on certain parts. Some wording choices make it sound like there'll be something more to it, so it sounds slightly bit weird but its ok. Synopsis is not bad, for an isekai story.






@SqualoDiTerra
Nice. Lol. It reminds me of a market's name.
You're like that one student who wrote a very short paragraph while others wrote a long paragraph or two and the teacher still gives you an A. Despite your synopsis be only a sentence long in each of your stories, your sentence is interesting enough to pull a reader's interest (at least for me).
 
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BenJepheneT

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Right here chief

 
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Deleted member 57675

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Ditto, and don't forget the one-star rating!
Either put your synopsis in comments or your story link.

High school girls have only one thing in mind and that is: Boys.
Inaba Motoyama, Shigure Urabe and Eiko Mochizuki are first year students at Murasaki High.
If only they could gather the courage to actually talk to boys then they wouldn't be that lonely but instead they waste their time talking about nonsensical things which won't really help them in this.
Last paragraph doesn't hook with interest. You have led up to what the characters' goals/thoughts are, but the end seems a bit weak. Maybe need to restructure the last sentence to make it more interesting.

Right here chief

You have a very good synopsis. It has a nice hook at the end too. If I was interested in reading more stories, your synopsis would pull me in to read the story again.
 

ZeroX0666

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Eh. It's been awhile. Seeing all those provide a feedback thread a day ago, its time to reanimate a certain thread.

Reading whole stories are too long and some don't have enough posted to give an accurate review. Thus, post only your synopsis.

A synopsis on ScribbleHub is the story's blurb or the short description on the back of a book. It is the Story's Details on Wattpad, and Synopsis on RoyalRoad. If it's not the cover, not the title, then its the synopsis that hooks a reader in. Online will define it as a brief description of your story with something to hook a reader in.

Anyone can give feedback but one must provide explanations why it is so and give suggestions on how to improve the synopsis.
Anyone can share their synopsis, but must be open to constructive criticism. Grammar, plot, how it sounds, etc...

You must put the synopsis/story link in the thread. Some of us view through phone only so signatures do not show up for us.

Yes, I'm back. Sort of.
I'm interested, do mine!

 

BenJepheneT

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If I was interested in reading more stories, your synopsis would pull me in to read the story again.
Esketit

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You take seconds?
 
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Deleted member 57675

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Esketit

You take seconds?
Currently no. Your story can be great to read, but its also lengthy. I'm sort of in the process of trying get a few projects down. Maybe someday.



Shi was once an ordinary young girl living in her small village with her loving mother, life was modest but it was enjoyable.

That was until one fateful day her life changed drastically.

From the tragedy of her mother's death, she was born anew, her bloodline
changed to no longer be human. She was special and she knew it.

Follow Shi as she uses her new powers and bloodline to travel across the lands of Shinseina; hunting for the people that killed her mother.

To find answers. Meet people. Gain new friends. Find love in an unlikely place. And more.
You have a problem with making one sentence paragraphs, which I also still sometimes do. If you have several sentences along same topic, try to combine them. Sentences in blue can be put together in one paragraph. Sentences in red can be put in another paragraph.

Shi was once an ordinary young girl living in her small village with her loving mother; life was modest but it was enjoyable.
Here it is better to have a semi-colon or split the sentence into two, since it is combining two independent clauses.

From the tragedy of her mother's death, she was born anew, her bloodline changed to no longer be human. She was special and she knew it.
This is vague. How did her mother dying changed her bloodline? Or did she also die and was reincarnated? Did an incident happened when her mother died that corrupted her blood and transformed her into something else? Why is she special?

Her bloodline changed to no longer be human also sounds a bit weird. It might be better to change it to, "her bloodline was no longer human."

From the tragedy of her mother's death, she was born anew. Her bloodline changed. She was no longer human. She was special and she knew it.

Follow Shi as she uses her new powers and bloodline to travel across the lands of Shinseina; hunting for the people that killed her mother.
The first part of the sentence could stand by itself if it was its own sentence; the second part of your sentence cannot. Thus, it is better to replace a semi-colon here with a comma instead.

Ah, so she is also out for revenge? This could be emphasized a bit more to make it feel like the plot has something its moving off on.

To find answers. Meet people. Gain new friends. Find love in an unlikely place. And more.
I guess this could be a style. "Meet people. Gain new friends." If there was some way to combine this since its basically meeting new people leads to new friends, then it might be better. Also, a bit generic.

Your synopsis is quite generic with describing the character being ordinary previously, the "Follow [character's name] as..." and also the last part of your synopsis "Meet people. Gain new friends." If you know your target audience and they know you, great. If you want to reach more readers, then it needs to stand out bit more.

Give a little bit more details. Its very vague, simple, and generic as of right now.

Some re-wording a bit:
Shi was once an ordinary young girl living in her small village with her loving mother. Life was modest, but it was enjoyable.

That was until one fateful day, when her life changed drastically. The tragedy of her mother's death led to her being born anew, with special powers and abilities that also made her no longer human. Traveling across the lands of Shinseina with her newly acquired abilities, she hunts for the people that killed her mother.


She will find answers. Meet people. Gain new friends. Find love in an unlikely place. And more.
 
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K5Rakitan

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Don't forget the one-star rating, please :)
 
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Deleted member 57675

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Don't forget the one-star rating, please :)
Synopsis gets to the point. Its short and brief, and reads like any other romance novels' blurb that have come across among Harlequin and Wattpad. Sadly no one stars, I'm not here to read the story. I'm just reading the synopsis.
 
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