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Owl Who Reads · Hoot Hoot
Joined
Apr 8, 2023
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I've already requested feedback on here I'm pretty sure but I've done some revisions, if you got free time let me know how I did.
 

MaitreyaGem

Member
Joined
Jun 3, 2022
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18
Hello :D please check my story!

 

Notadate

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 28, 2022
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108
only got a chapter up, getting back into writing. go soft on me. please do suggest a synopsis

nm its a rr link
you said no rr
HGECK IT. TANK YOU KINDLY
 
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Sylver

Well-known member
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Oct 11, 2023
Messages
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Glitched

Moth Mommy
Joined
Jan 5, 2024
Messages
165
Points
63
I'm down. If you wouldn't mind reading one of my stories
or if you would be so kind, you can read my book at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CL8BPLCH
Okay, I'm finally back everyone. Had to take a break from reading mortal stubs to take care of my children.

As for you Paul, I stopped at Chapter 2 Part 1. Now the first issue I ran into when reading was the side characters. I mean it's the first chapter and I'm not hit with worldbuilding(thankfully), but instead a plethora of names and descriptions for 12 side characters, most of which are hard to remember because there are 12 of them, and some with very uncommon names.

The second problem comes back to the side characters again and the tone of the story. The first chapter is supposed to engage readers with your mc, or show that your story has potential, or do a bit of worldbuilding(I hate this). In your case, I'm hit with information about side characters and a less than reliable mc that I learn very little about aside from the fact that he is just trying to get by.

For the most part, grammar is fine, but I feel you could definetly reword and rewrite descriptions to either make them more vivid and less bland, or just more concise and to the point. It just felt bad reading blandish description after description whenever he saw or met someone new.

On the plus side, good job writing unique characters with some personality, and while I don't agree with their judging of the mc, it's ok. I feel like the more realistic thing they would do after summoning an otherworlder, would be education and instruction. Statistically, the odds of them summoning an evil person are VERY low, so I imagine they'd realistically have some plan to convert them after sacrificing so much to summon.

As for the mc himself, I can accept his personality bcs trope.

I'm not gonna let this collect dust in my library as its not my cup of tea, but it's a decent read nonetheless.

Style Score: 6
Story Score: 8
Grammar Score: 8
Character Score: 8
Overall Score: 7.5
 

Glitched

Moth Mommy
Joined
Jan 5, 2024
Messages
165
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63
Oh hell yeah, shameless self-promotion. Feel free to read any of mine, whichever sounds most interesting. :)
You...You, why did you have me review one of your stories? I decided to read The Orca's Serenade and I must say it was...ummm...perfect?

The characters, the premise, the formatting, the dialogue, the descriptions, the settings, it felt like I was reading a real, published novel. I don't think it gets much better than what you wrote. I know it sounds redundant, but I just want you to know that I am SO impressed by your writing.

Normally I stray from GL, but I've always had a liking for mermaids, and I must say this did not disappoint. Of course, I don't have the time to read through the entire thing, but I read up to chapter 8 + the epilogue, and honestly, I couldn't fine any problems to critique. Arguably one of the top 3 books I've ever read on scribble, and that's amazing considering my dislike for gl.

I've seen the whole captured person to friends with captor type thing before, several times, but you manage to tell it so well.

This is one of the few stories where the pov change is acceptable, and I actually look forward to the next chapter for the pov switches.

All in all, it's very hard to point out any mistakes. What we have here is a 6/5 story that deserves so much more attention. This belongs on a pedestal in my library, as one of my best reads.

Style Score: 10
Story Score: 9.5
Grammar Score: 10
Character Score: 9.5
Overall Score: 9.8
 

SomePersonOfEarth

New member
Joined
Mar 22, 2024
Messages
8
Points
3
You...You, why did you have me review one of your stories? I decided to read The Orca's Serenade and I must say it was...ummm...perfect?

The characters, the premise, the formatting, the dialogue, the descriptions, the settings, it felt like I was reading a real, published novel. I don't think it gets much better than what you wrote. I know it sounds redundant, but I just want you to know that I am SO impressed by your writing.

Normally I stray from GL, but I've always had a liking for mermaids, and I must say this did not disappoint. Of course, I don't have the time to read through the entire thing, but I read up to chapter 8 + the epilogue, and honestly, I couldn't fine any problems to critique. Arguably one of the top 3 books I've ever read on scribble, and that's amazing considering my dislike for gl.

I've seen the whole captured person to friends with captor type thing before, several times, but you manage to tell it so well.

This is one of the few stories where the pov change is acceptable, and I actually look forward to the next chapter for the pov switches.

All in all, it's very hard to point out any mistakes. What we have here is a 6/5 story that deserves so much more attention. This belongs on a pedestal in my library, as one of my best reads.

Style Score: 10
Story Score: 9.5
Grammar Score: 10
Character Score: 9.5
Overall Score: 9.8
Well, that's quite the review, I might have to go read this story now.
 

EldritchPotato

Eldritch deity & really hard thinker.
Joined
Mar 12, 2023
Messages
75
Points
48
You...You, why did you have me review one of your stories? I decided to read The Orca's Serenade and I must say it was...ummm...perfect?

The characters, the premise, the formatting, the dialogue, the descriptions, the settings, it felt like I was reading a real, published novel. I don't think it gets much better than what you wrote. I know it sounds redundant, but I just want you to know that I am SO impressed by your writing.

Normally I stray from GL, but I've always had a liking for mermaids, and I must say this did not disappoint. Of course, I don't have the time to read through the entire thing, but I read up to chapter 8 + the epilogue, and honestly, I couldn't fine any problems to critique. Arguably one of the top 3 books I've ever read on scribble, and that's amazing considering my dislike for gl.

I've seen the whole captured person to friends with captor type thing before, several times, but you manage to tell it so well.

This is one of the few stories where the pov change is acceptable, and I actually look forward to the next chapter for the pov switches.

All in all, it's very hard to point out any mistakes. What we have here is a 6/5 story that deserves so much more attention. This belongs on a pedestal in my library, as one of my best reads.

Style Score: 10
Story Score: 9.5
Grammar Score: 10
Character Score: 9.5
Overall Score: 9.8
Thanks, I really appreciate it. Feel free to add that to a proper review if you feel so inclined :blob_okay:
 
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