Writing [Tutorial] Writing ACTION 1: The Trick to Writing Action Scenes that Work

Triskele_Lynx

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I get your point when you say
You have two people Acting in the same sentence.
but how, then, do you describe simultaneous action, such as a glissade or scheilhau, without it sounding like a D&D fight, with everyone taking turns?
 

OokamiKasumi

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I get your point when you say:

-- You have two people Acting in the same sentence.

How, then, do you describe simultaneous action, such as a glissade or scheilhau, without it sounding like a D&D fight, with everyone taking turns?
In animated and live-action film, simultaneous actions can be physically observed and comprehended.

In writing, nothing happens simultaneously because the Reader sees and comprehends one word at a time in the precise order they are written.

This is why word-choice and the order they are written in is so very important.

So! How, do you describe simultaneous action?
-- You use terms such as: both dancers, all the dancers, six of the dancers...at the beginning of the sentence. This introduces the entire group as One Unit -- One Object.

"The six ballet dancers jumped, a leg sweeping outward while the other leg brushed in to meet in a scheilhau. The dancers' legs and feet stretched and pointed for a brief moment before they landed in perfect unison.​

In the case of a scheilhau, you have two long-swordsmen clashing, but one sidestepping to briefly slide up their opponent's blade to pierce their opponent's throat.

This you do need to divide into two separate paragraphs by character because a scheilhau is a specific move done by one swordsman to another.

The two long-swordsmen clashed.​
His blade in full contact with his opponent's, Harold sharply sidestepped to avoid the incoming sword, pushing the point away from his neck, then slid his blade up his opponent's blade. His point pierced the man's throat and went out the back of his neck.​
His opponent's eyes widened in open shock and he choked. Blood spilled from his lips to run down his chin. He dropped his sword to the muddy ground.​
Harold yanked his blade free in a spray of arterial scarlet.​
His opponent dropped to the bloodied ground choking out the last of his life.​

The key to making any fight scene work is to use only One point of view per Action scene. Never ever switch POVs during an action scene. All that will do is bog down the scene with heavy wordcount, and confuse the reader -- who is trying to picture it all in their imagination.

Never forget: One POV in a scene will always be easier to comprehend (and write) than multiple POVs -- because people only view the world from ONE POV their entire lives: their own.

If you're interested, I go into far more detail on why you don't put two people in the same paragraph, plus how to fix it, with examples, here:
[Tutorial] The Secret to Proper Paragraphing and Dialogue
 

Triskele_Lynx

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Thanks.

So, "With flagrant disregard to defense shown on either side, the two swordsmen killed each other" could work, especially if it's from the POV of a third person. Otherwise, stick to one point of view.

I suppose, if one felt a need to show both viewpoints, you could have them discuss it later, assuming they both survive.

"Hey, Gunther, can you show me how to avoid that thing you did in practice the other day?

"What thing?"

"The thing when, all of a sudden, you deflected my cut off line and stabbed me in the shoulder?"

"Oh, the scheilhau! You have a tell. Don't pull back your shoulder before the zornhau."
 
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OokamiKasumi

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You're very welcome. I hope it helps.

I suppose, if one felt a need to show both viewpoints, you could have them discuss it later, assuming they both survive.

"Hey, Gunther, can you show me how to avoid that thing you did in practice the other day?​
"What thing?"​
"The thing when, all of a sudden, you knocked my blade off line and stabbed me in the shoulder when I was doing the overhead cut?"​
"Oh, the scheilhau! You have a tell. Don't pull back your shoulder before the zornhau."​
Exactly!
 
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