Writing [Tutorial] Writing ACTION 2: The Plug & Play Method

Plantorsomething

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There is no reason to feel dumb. It took me literal years to figure all this out.
-- You would not believe how many writing books I read or tutorials I scoured on the 'net to even catch a clue to how this works.

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Lol, thanks for sharing the wisdom then!
 

Armored99

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Tried writing without 'as' and I find myself trying to use 'while'.

With as
"He sipped at his tea, as he read today's paper."
With while
"He sipped at his tea, while reading today's paper."
With and
"He sipped at his tea, and read today's paper."
 

TheEldritchGod

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Oddly enough, I don't find myself using 'as'. Like, at all. However, I guess from my age and time period I grew up, I don't see a problem to using as.

The man squinted his eyes as he looked at Elvis.

How I always thought of this was "The man is squinting" is an action taking place WITHIN the action of "Looking at Elvis". So he would be looking at Elvis and squint, and continue to look at Elvis. He might stop squinting at some point, but continue to look at Elvis. The squinting takes place at the same time as looking at Elvis, but it did not start with looking at Elvis, and ends before, or at the same time he stops looking at Elvis.

The man squinted his eyes AND looked at Elvis

This would mean the man squinted his eyes and looked at Elvis at the exact same time for the same amount of time for both actions.

The man squinted his eyes THEN looked at Elvis

This would mean the man squinted his eyes, STOPPED, then looked at Elvis. The implication for Then is the previous action halted.

The man squinted his eyes, BUT looked at Elvis

This one is weird, because BUT implys negation of what comes before it. So he is squinting, then he is compelled to look at Elvis, which sounds like the squinting should STOP as he looks at Elvis. It is unclear in this case, and I wouldn't use it for that reason, but it doesn't mean it couldn't be used, depending on what emotion you are trying to make the reader feel.

The man squinted his eyes WHILE looking at Elvis

This is in many ways the same meaning as "As", However, I see it as meaning he squinted at the same time as looking at Elvis, BUT, it does not mean he will CONTINUE to squint, and may end squinting before he stops looking.

But that's just how I've seen them work functionally when I applied them to legal arguments.

When you are writing, sometimes you use words incorrectly to give a certain feeling or emotion.

He trod paths where plants had forgotten the sun.

Technically WRONG on every level, but I think you can get my meaning.
 

Armored99

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Hey, can you make a tutorial for writing scenes that include crowds, and building the atmosphere around events.

Like if I have a sumo match, or some sport/fight where its not just easy to say the 'Red team scores and the crowd cheers.'
 

ForestDweller

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Can you use this for scenes that aren't action? For example, the protag saw an amazing/terrifying sigh. Or the protag heard some bad news.
 

Diogenes111

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Pleasseeee, i wuvv you mannn thx for this tutorial As is literally my bff and most hated enemy i didn't know what to do with it i always use it to start chapters now i finally have an idea how to do this sh t
 

OokamiKasumi

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Pleasseeee, i wuvv you mannn thx for this tutorial As is literally my bff and most hated enemy i didn't know what to do with it i always use it to start chapters now i finally have an idea how to do this sh t
I'm glad I could help untangle the mystery behind writing fight scenes.

☕
 

OokamiKasumi

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Do you have any tips for scenes involving a lot of characters?
Not really...? I treat groups acting together as one single unit --with their own paragraph of actions-- and use plural pronouns.

Example:
At the bottom of a wooded dell, a group of Stark soldiers on horseback stepped out into the meadow.​
At the top of the hill, the Lannister soldiers raised their weapons with a gleeful roar. They rushed down the hillside toward the Stark soldiers.​
However, the instant one of the unit acts alone; such as dialogue, or an action, that one outlier gets their own paragraph.

Example:
One solder at the back of the screaming Lannister mob smacked his brow with a groan, then shouted at the others. "Guys! This is supposed to be a sneak attack! A sneak attack! You don't scream during a sneak attack!"​
 

melchi

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This has got to be weird when one group does a joint attack on another but only focuses on one target.
 

OokamiKasumi

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This has got to be weird when one group does a joint attack on another but only focuses on one target.
This is precisely why paragraphing by Actions is so damned important. (Hint-hint: Dialogue is an Action!)
-- When you keep a group's actions in a separate paragraph from the single person acting alone, the one guy's actions won't get lost in the crowd.

Remember, Readers visualize what they read. They make mental movies of what's going on in the story. It is the Writer's responsibility to make the scene crystal clear to the Reader as to who is doing what.
 

ForestDweller

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How about the usage of "Suddenly/All of a sudden"? Feels like I'm using them too often.

Though when I'm reading a novel, I don't think I would care. :s_tongue:
 

OokamiKasumi

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How about the usage of "Suddenly/All of a sudden"? Feels like I'm using them too often.

Though when I'm reading a novel, I don't think I would care. :s_tongue:
*Shrugs.* I use 'suddenly' and 'all of a sudden' pretty regularly, but then I write a lot of action scenes in my stories.

It's 'however' that I tend to overuse, simply because one does Not start a sentence with 'but'.
 

MajorKerina

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This posting has prompted a lot of discussion in my writing group. Some of us definitely disagree with the methodology but the clarifications about where and when it’s used are critical. But I wanted to thank you for providing this because even though it feels like I sometimes take the wrong lessons from postings, I appreciate this deeply because it helps me especially with trying to discern sequences of actions and how to properly compose and express them without being misunderstood. I’ve done a lot of dumb things in writing with bad habits that I need to break and this definitely encapsulates one of those things where conversational language and professional written language diverge. Very informative. Thank you very much. :)
 

ForestDweller

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If the character gasps from the attack, do you write the "Gah!" before or after the description of the attack?
 

melchi

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If I read right the same paragraph could be used for a reaction to an attack.

Ookami licks a forest dweller.

Forest dweller jumps in surprise. A "Gah" escapes their lips.
 

OokamiKasumi

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This posting has prompted a lot of discussion in my writing group. Some of us definitely disagree with the methodology but the clarifications about where and when it’s used are critical. But I wanted to thank you for providing this because even though it feels like I sometimes take the wrong lessons from postings, I appreciate this deeply because it helps me especially with trying to discern sequences of actions and how to properly compose and express them without being misunderstood. I’ve done a lot of dumb things in writing with bad habits that I need to break and this definitely encapsulates one of those things where conversational language and professional written language diverge. Very informative. Thank you very much. :)
You're very welcome. I am absolutely thrilled I could provide assistance.

☕
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If the character gasps from the attack, do you write the "Gah!" before or after the description of the attack?
A gasp, is an instinctual Reaction. It should appear in the sentence the moment it happens.

Deep in the caves, the goblin stubbed his toe on a jutting mana stone. He gasped in pain then shouted. "Shit! M*therf*cker!" He spent the next several seconds hopping around on one foot.​

☕
~~~~~~~~~~~

If I read right the same paragraph could be used for a reaction to an attack.

Ookami licks a forest dweller.​
Forest dweller jumps in surprise. A "Gah" escapes their lips.​

Exactly!!!

☕
~~~~~~~~~~~
 
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melchi

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So I got a weird example of a mid-sentence "as"

The sewing machines were completely mechanical, as evidenced by the gear shaft protruding from the wall into them.
I don't think two things are going on at the same time here but there still is an as... would editors not like that?
 

melchi

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Derp, I looked back at this when I saw elsewhere that mid sentence "as" is supposed to be a comparison. I was going to say something about it but then realized it was already mentioned.

Soft as a dog's fir
Sharp as a canine's teeth
A sense of smell as sharp as a blood hound.
 

OokamiKasumi

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The sewing machines were completely mechanical, as evidenced by the gear shaft protruding from the wall into them.

This line is Backwards. It's also written in Passive Voice. It should have been written this way:

Example 1:​
As evidenced by the gear shaft protruding from the wall into the sewing machines, they were completely mechanical.​
An even easier way to write this would be:

Example 2:​
One could tell by the gear shaft coming out of the wall that the sewing machines were completely mechanical.​
The main difference between the two is Voice. The first example uses slightly more formal and archaic wording. The second is more modern and far less formal. If the original line came from a Steampunk story, then the more archaic example would be more true to the theme.
 
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