greyblob
b
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Chapter 6Have a look at mine, I have no prior writing experience so don't expect much. Looking to fix earlier chapters.
If you can, let me know if there are any improvements in later chapters if only a little.
Echoes of the Lost Age
Many gates are littered over the planet Gaia, These gates are connected to other worlds where long lost civilizations once flourished. The Individuals of the many races that exist on Gaia enter these gates with the hopes of acquiring power, fame and riches. These people are called explorers...www.scribblehub.com
3/5: Average
First things first, i dislike the LN style; fast paced, minimal descriptions, no body language, floating dialogues, fragmented and weird phrasings, etc. thankfully you didn't add japanese honorifics as well.
I could tell what you meant by most things. the executions were sloppy but that's probably because of your inexperience. the flow of the novel was nice, not too slow and not too fast. you addressed the mc and her master's worry and gave proper reasoning. honestly despite the poor execution, the characters were rather memorable.
i jumped to one of the later chapters and i can say that there are improvements: better sentence structuring and dialouge quality.
i could offer some advice but they wouldn't work with the current style you have. if you're interested anyway let me know