Unreliable Biased Feedback

[SailusGebel]

Not interested.

Coward.

 

[Anon2024]

Coward.

Maybe if I was legitimately writing something to sell, but only thing I'm posting with this name is low-effort smut. You can freely criticize it if you want but it's on Ritoria. Once I'm done with it I'm probably going to disappear from this Screen name.

 

[SailusGebel]

Maybe if I was legitimately writing something to sell, but only thing I'm posting with this name is low-effort smut. You can freely criticize it if you want but it's on Ritoria. Once I'm done with it I'm probably going to disappear from this Screen name.

 

[greyblob]

Not interested. I was just testing your limits. Think it's funny you can read FUTA NTR And INCEST but no GL or GB.

i mean, i can i just don't want to. at least futa ntr incest can result in something interesting. every gb gl novel is almost exactly the same. im boycotting the overly popular inflated genres

 

[ModernGold7ne]

i mean, i can i just don't want to. at least futa ntr incest can result in something interesting. every gb gl novel is almost exactly the same. im boycotting the overly popular inflated genres

I'm annoyed but I agree.

 

[MrCrunch]

Have a look at mine, I have no prior writing experience so don't expect much. Looking to fix earlier chapters.
If you can, let me know if there are any improvements in later chapters if only a little.

Echoes of the Lost Age

Many gates are littered over the planet Gaia, These gates are connected to other worlds where long lost civilizations once flourished. The Individuals of the many races that exist on Gaia enter these gates with the hopes of acquiring power, fame and riches. These people are called explorers...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[mesa]

If you could write a review for my story it would be much appreciated. Unfortunately, it is just under 10,000 words, but will go over that sometime tomorrow with a chapter update!

 

[greyblob]

If you could write a review for my story it would be much appreciated. Unfortunately, it is just under 10,000 words, but will go over that sometime tomorrow with a chapter update!

It'd be here

 

[mesa]

It'd be here

Thanks for your consideration. Not 100% sure if my signature is working so here it is https://www.scribblehub.com/series/531084/a-record-of-ash--ruin-the-grieving-lands/

 

[greyblob]

We the Villains | Scribble Hub

If you want to I always welcome feedback.

Chapter 5 – The rise
4.5/5 : Great with a few flaws

The writings is good. It's expressive and nicely structured. Though, it's a bit complex. I believe with some editing you can elevate this greatly. Another thing is that I can't easily distinguish who's speaking from the family (except the MC). they all get jumbled up for me.
I'd have read more but this is really not my cup of tea, especially the reverse harem tag. Great work overall though.

 

[RainingSky]

Chapter 5 – The rise
4.5/5 : Great with a few flaws

The writings is good. It's expressive and nicely structured. Though, it's a bit complex. I believe with some editing you can elevate this greatly. Another thing is that I can't easily distinguish who's speaking from the family (except the MC). they all get jumbled up for me.
I'd have read more but this is really not my cup of tea, especially the reverse harem tag. Great work overall though.

thaks a lot for the feedback

 

[RockiesRetriever]

Since most feedback threads are dead right now, and I'm trying to ignore/delay my responsibilities I have some free time, I decided on making my own.

This will be from the viewpoint of a simple-minded reader with an increasingly short attention span. I'll read until I lose interest.

Requirements:

1. 10k+ words

Restrictions:

1. Gender bender and all its subgenres (unless it's a genderless monster)
2. Girls-love
3. Boys-love

---

Highest ratings:

1. The Stormcrow Cycle by @bokhi 4.5 / 5
2. Kapal by @BenJepheneT 4.5 / 5
3. The Supernatural Case of the Accidental Time Traveler by @Paul_Tromba 4 / 5

I'm confused, are you saying you require it to be Gender Bender or you are excluding it?

 

[greyblob]

I'm confused, are you saying you require it to be Gender Bender or you are excluding it?

excluding

 

[BenJepheneT]

I already got a pending work here but if it's allowed, here's a short story I posted recently. Under 3k+ words. Shouldn't take long.

The Home(less)sick Astronaut’s Best-of-Three

[Oneshot] A pair of astronauts finds a fresh crater on Mars, but so did a rival agency. The only way to settle their dispute is through a contest. Their arena of choice? A game of blackjack. Discord: https://discord.gg/aAuCwJkkrz

www.scribblehub.com

 

[greyblob]

I could need some feedback if I'm honest or just an opinion on what I should have done differently, but I've been too embarrassed to ask anyone till now so I might as well ask you All-knowing Blob.
Spatial magus, my novel is if I'm honest, your generic fantasy novel, at best and at worst my deranged thoughts.

First, I'm sorry I missed your post!

9. naughty bathroom scene. Two dudes sitting in a bathroom, five feet apart

2.5/5 : Slightly below average

The writing is not bad but there is little consistency. You jump from one style to another, changing narration, prose, pov, etc. It started serious but then devolved into a LN styled novel. The scenes are jumbled up. I read the kidnapping scene twice with different things happening. The characters are one dimensional and the dialogue is subpar.
It feels like you were writing two or three different novels at the same time. This might have been solved later on (you jave 60+ chapters) but I can't be sure since I'm stopping here. I think with a little bit of focus you can produce something pretty decent. I liked the premise, the characters (before the teleportation), and where the story was going.

 

[greyblob]

My story isn't really Gender bender, so if you're willing to give it a look, I'd appreciate the feedback.

Anima Aliena

A starless sky lit by clouds, plants of every colour, and a once dead old man astounded by it all. Meeting an entity that he was too stupid to believe or comprehend, having his very soul tampered with, then waking up in a relatively tiny body that was very different...

www.scribblehub.com

I read the first 2-3 chapters and it's just a guy thay turns to a girl. sorry but no gb.

 

[Sahrynar]

I would also love a review when you get the chance!
I only have the first three chapters polished, but have written about 2.5 books in this series. I've been debating if I should upload the rest of the rough chapters or not. Although they are readable, they are very clearly first drafts (and do have grammar/spelling mistakes) but I don't have the time atm to fix them. Please also let me know if you think I should upload the rest or wait until I have time to edit them more.
Thank you in advance for your help!

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/...rech-book-one-of-the-guardians-of-lajen-saga/

 

[greyblob]

I already got a pending work here but if it's allowed, here's a short story I posted recently. Under 3k+ words. Shouldn't take long.

The Home(less)sick Astronaut’s Best-of-Three

[Oneshot] A pair of astronauts finds a fresh crater on Mars, but so did a rival agency. The only way to settle their dispute is through a contest. Their arena of choice? A game of blackjack. Discord: https://discord.gg/aAuCwJkkrz

www.scribblehub.com

I couldn't read problem store.. not yet anyway. I've already gave my opinion on it a while back so that'll have to do for now. when i continue it again, I'll let you know what i think, either here or in a comment.

regarding this one shot, its pretty decent. the writin, dialogue, flow is good. my only complaint would be to break up the few long paragraphs and refactor them. they were clunky.
i dont read these short stories, but you managed to make two convincing characters in a well crafted setting.
there is some room for improvement. maybe polish the dialogue a bit.. have the Chinese guy use more of his language if he's trying to preserve his culture. small details like that. otherwise great work

 

[greyblob]

Would be glad to have the opinion of a grey blob on my story. It's ~80k words and the story is complete until I get to work on the second arc at some point in the near future. No romance or anything that you listed in your restrictions. o wo)b

Drunks & Fanatics

Freshly anointed cleric Tessa Vivuk aspires to be a Hero after having been saved by one as a child. But when she attempts to join the Heroes' Guild, the doors are shut on her. Unwilling to give up, she joins the Adventurers' Guild and believes she can earn enough recognition...

www.scribblehub.com

9. Drilling in the Basics – Part 2
3.5/5: Slightly above average

Let me start by saying that this is not my cup of tea. I don't like naive, goody two shoes, shonen MCs.
The writing is good and improves further in. There were a bunch of cluttered paragraphing and structuring errors but they lessened greatly over time.
Most of the dialogues and characters are bland. the biggest two supporting characters are info dumping npcs. one has a funny accent and the other a japanese name. remove either and i couldn't distinguish them from the rest of the cast.
The novel suffers from a severe case of floating dialouge. I dont like having to guess who's talking to who. and consequently you miss out on inserting body language.
best element of the novel is the MC. her feelings, thoughts, and ambitions are nicely portrayed. i wish you showed her training instead of spelling it out in dialouge. chapter 7 8 9 are basically info dumps. her trainers are surprisingly patient people if they can manage to answer every little question she asks about every single element of her training.

 

[MBerkeley]

Den of Lions

Dante Sato's self imposed peaceful life at a foster home is interrupted when a prominent family named the Kaneko decides to adopt him due to his potential. After 6 years of being shut inside the house being trained to inherit half of the family's assets. His adoptive parents decide to enroll...

www.scribblehub.com

I would love your opinion.