Very bad free feedback thread.

[Kalliel]

So, I'm bored.
And I think I need to actually read something sometimes to take a break from my writing.
That means, If you're brave enough to post stories here, I will try to read the first chapters of your work (Usually 5 maximum), and give you very janky reviews.
Keep in mind, I am both a bad writer and a bad reader, so be prepared.

 

[Jaymi]

do your worst! <3

Girlguide: A Girl’s Guide To Writing Female Characters!

Kai, an aspiring light novel author, has always had his path to success hindered by his inability to write female characters. However, everything changes when he wakes up one day as a young girl. This change becomes his chance to gain a deeper understanding of women, hoping to take his...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[LowinKeshin]

For our bad writer and reader, I offer thee this https://www.scribblehub.com/series/751491/in-his-will/

 

[AdOtherwise]

Lowly Ascent

Within a desolate realm, where discarded worlds were stitched together, a rupture tore open, releasing a small child into this fragmented expanse. Above him, the sky revealed three eerie moons, while an ominous black mass loomed ominously in their wake. Disoriented and engulfed by a putrid...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Kalliel]

do your worst! <3

Girlguide: A Girl’s Guide To Writing Female Characters!

Kai, an aspiring light novel author, has always had his path to success hindered by his inability to write female characters. However, everything changes when he wakes up one day as a young girl. This change becomes his chance to gain a deeper understanding of women, hoping to take his...

www.scribblehub.com

So, I just read the first three chapters.

Now, onto the nitpicks first, because why not.
Firstly, you forgot to capital your characters twice in the first chapter. And there's a few grammar mistakes here and there as well.

Secondly, here you can see another victim of the awkward word placement phenomenon.
Her eyes widened as she peered inside, her curiosity getting the better of her.
But I can sympathize, because I probably did this exact same thing a million times over by now. XD

Thirdly, I know this is supposed to be somewhat similar to some of the JP works, where the characters sometimes act like just ate their IQ for dinner the last night or something. Because the protagonist took quite a long time to realize that he had turned into a girl, and he/she followed the other girl too quickly. Regardless, it's not really a bad thing, just not to my preference.

Moving on to the pluses.
To begin with, your novel is really easy on the eyes, no excessively drawn out paragraph, no overly complicated words. And your vocabulary is pretty decent as well.

And, the story itself is easy to follow, exactly what you need in a SoL.

So all in all, it's pretty good, actually, my biggest complain would be on the behavior of the characters, though as I also said earlier, preference.
But regardless, keep up the good work.

 

[yinjenxie]

Hola.

Planet Breaker

The Universe holds many dark and untold secrets. Secrets that the conscious mind had longed searching in places. A star that has fallen into a mystery-filled planet. Leading him to the heritage of his very existence. Technology. Power. Hegemony. Truth. All the wonders, the dreams of every common...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Anon2023]

I’ve seen enough hentai feedback to know where this is going…

 

[mtgwolfie]

I'm up for it. I'm a smut writer though, so be wary of that. Since you're not an existing reader of mine, you can skip the prologue if you don't want to read the NSFW. its basically just a nod to my existing readers. the link in my signature for DragonBound.

 

[HelloHound]

For Want of A House

Waking up is always a difficult part of anyone's day- it's even worse if you wake up inside some squalid room to spit out mysterious black cubes in a land you are not familiar with. Now imagine what Sybil's going through. Watch this short and tempered child grow, seeking a...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Rookieqw]

So, I'm bored.
And I think I need to actually read something sometimes to take a break from my writing.
That means, If you're brave enough to post stories here, I will try to read the first chapters of your work (Usually 5 maximum), and give you very janky reviews.
Keep in mind, I am both a bad writer and a bad reader, so be prepared.

Thank you for the kind offer!

If that is okay, I would like some feedback: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/860302/a-rats-problems/

 

[Kalliel]

For our bad writer and reader, I offer thee this https://www.scribblehub.com/series/751491/in-his-will/

I'll be very quick here, you lost me in the first chapter.
First, too much unnecessary details being described. You're trying too hard describing every details imaginable.
Second, I didn't really understand what was going on, until I read the synopsis, confusing.
So, I would recommend cutting down all the unnecessary stuff, and just write actually, the story has been dead for 4 months now.

 

[KersenBloemNL]

I'm kinda curious about your "jank" "review" of my current webnovel: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/740799/aura-the-souls-true-nature/

 

[Kalliel]

Lowly Ascent

Within a desolate realm, where discarded worlds were stitched together, a rupture tore open, releasing a small child into this fragmented expanse. Above him, the sky revealed three eerie moons, while an ominous black mass loomed ominously in their wake. Disoriented and engulfed by a putrid...

www.scribblehub.com

So, I just read the first three chapters.
To the goods first.
Your premise is pretty solid, I do feel genuinely curious about the world inside your work.
No info dumps, pretty easy to follow.
Now, onto the not goods.
Firstly, here we can see yet another victim of the awkward word placement phenomenon.
"Well...if you are what I think it makes sense. First things first are to give you a name. (?)
And in the same dialogue, you forgot a ',' as well. Actually, you seem to have troubles with ',' and '.' a lot, I saw quite a lot of them missing.
Overall, a pretty decent read so far, but unfortunately not my cup of tea.

Hola.

Planet Breaker

The Universe holds many dark and untold secrets. Secrets that the conscious mind had longed searching in places. A star that has fallen into a mystery-filled planet. Leading him to the heritage of his very existence. Technology. Power. Hegemony. Truth. All the wonders, the dreams of every common...

www.scribblehub.com

Just finished the first chapter.
I have quite a lot of things to complain.
First, unnecessary descriptions.
Second, use the footnote feature, it's there.
Third, awkward word placement. (Only sometimes)
Fourth, grammar mistakes can be seen here and there.
Fifth, the one single PoV switch at the end was confusing.
Sixth, no clear goal can be guessed from the first chapter, synopsis and title, which discouraged me quite a bit.
Overall, just not my cup of tea, but please do cut down on the unnecessary words though.

I'm up for it. I'm a smut writer though, so be wary of that. Since you're not an existing reader of mine, you can skip the prologue if you don't want to read the NSFW. its basically just a nod to my existing readers. the link in my signature for DragonBound.

It's... Fine?
I have no major complain outside of occasional grammar errors.
Just, not my cup of tea.

 

[MagmaRazor]

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/759475/nameless/
Go for it.

 

[PeacefulMyst]

So, I'm bored.
And I think I need to actually read something sometimes to take a break from my writing.
That means, If you're brave enough to post stories here, I will try to read the first chapters of your work (Usually 5 maximum), and give you very janky reviews.
Keep in mind, I am both a bad writer and a bad reader, so be prepared.

you are copying me.

Do you accept a chapter one review?

 

[AdOtherwise]

So, I just read the first three chapters.
To the goods first.
Your premise is pretty solid, I do feel genuinely curious about the world inside your work.
No info dumps, pretty easy to follow.
Now, onto the not goods.
Firstly, here we can see yet another victim of the awkward word placement phenomenon.
"Well...if you are what I think it makes sense. First things first are to give you a name. (?)
And in the same dialogue, you forgot a ',' as well. Actually, you seem to have troubles with ',' and '.' a lot, I saw quite a lot of them missing.
Overall, a pretty decent read so far, but unfortunately not my cup of tea.

Just finished the first chapter.
I have quite a lot of things to complain.
First, unnecessary descriptions.
Second, use the footnote feature, it's there.
Third, awkward word placement. (Only sometimes)
Fourth, grammar mistakes can be seen here and there.
Fifth, the one single PoV switch at the end was confusing.
Sixth, no clear goal can be guessed from the first chapter, synopsis and title, which discouraged me quite a bit.
Overall, just not my cup of tea, but please do cut down on the unnecessary words though.

It's... Fine?
I have no major complain outside of occasional grammar errors.
Just, not my cup of tea.

Thank you for the review. I think my problem with ',' and '.' is that when I got a review a while back, I was told I use ',' to much. Ever since I try to avoid using them....

It could also be that my keyboard is weird and puts multiple ',' and '.' down even if I press it once, then Grammarly gets involved and just deletes all of it.

 

[trigger2391]

Go for it - tear me a new one Daddy Chan......yeah that got ugh real quick lol

Rise of the Lost

Caliban thought he was your typical western male. Maybe a bit too heavy but nothing major, he smoked, worked and wasted his money on food, booze, women and entertainment. Until one night during a rare solar convergence he misses his bus and stumbles through a comedy of errors and co-incidence...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Kalliel]

you are copying me.

Do you accept a chapter one review?

What do you mean by that?
I get a chapter one review from you or the other way around?

 

[mtgwolfie]

It's... Fine?
I have no major complain outside of occasional grammar errors.
Just, not my cup of tea.

i do apologize. i didn't see you say what was or wasn't your cup of tea. glad it wasn't too terrible off-hand though.

 

[Kalliel]

i do apologize. i didn't see you say what was or wasn't your cup of tea. glad it wasn't too terrible off-hand though.

It's fine, I didn't hate it at all, just not what I would read normally.