It's true that, in the early days of formula, the marketing culture quite erroneously pushed that it was better for babies to the detriment of an entire generation.
This was eventually overturned by a study that showed a slight statistically significant advantage in intelligence of people who were breast fed Vs. formula fed babies. This was the beginning of a large counter-push that resulted in a current culture where the popular opinion is that you are abusing your child if you do not breast feed them.
Now days though, ever since the significant advantages of breast feeding were discovered, the research into the subject has significantly improved formula to the point that while breast feeding is still the superior option and one should never even think of going 100% formula fed for their baby, at the very least it's a solid option for instances where the mother just needs a break or has to go somewhere they can't have their baby around and needs to leave them in the care of a babysitter.
Considering the level to which the culture is down on formula now days, I do think this counter-message needs to be heard a little more for the sake of mothers who are pushing themselves a little too hard and beating up on themselves when they can't keep up.
Formula has its place. It saves lives, but to be fair, that's mainly because wet nurses have gone out of style. Premature babies fed with donor milk still show a higher survival rate than those fed with formula.
I needed to supplement with formula for my son for a few weeks because my milk came in late. He was 10% below his birth weight when we took him home from the hospital, which is normal because newborn stomachs are tiny. However, he was 15% below his birth weight when we brought him to the pediatrician on his third day of life.
One phrase from the pediatrician kept going through my mind, and that's what kept me strong.
I sighed in defeat and said, "My mom couldn't directly breastfeed me either." I wound up 10% below my birth weight at one month, so I was getting something, but it wasn't enough. My mom wound up hand-expressing what she could and putting it in bottles so I at least got some milk.
The pediatrician said, "This isn't 30 years ago," and proceeded to give me a routine to keep my son interested in my nipple while I built up my milk supply. In my sleep-deprived state, I couldn't have done it without my husband's help and support. Thankfully, it worked!
The thing my mom and I later realized is that she had trouble with latch because nobody told her how to use a C-hold for her breasts. The nurses and lactation consultant who came to see me in the postpartum room were better about that, thankfully.
The "never feel bad about feeding your baby" and "fed is best" messages I've been seeing everywhere are examples of toxic positivity. That was a difficult time for me. I needed to process my emotions, not ignore them. "This isn't 30 years ago" made me feel heard and kept me going. If I had failed to get my son off the bottle, I would have wanted someone to validate my emotions like this: