Webnovel Feedback Roasts For the Fearless

Clo

nya nya~
Joined
Mar 5, 2020
Messages
225
Points
103
The feedback thread for this story has seemingly been lost to the void, with no actual feedback, so I guess this is where it goes.
I am way too afraid to get crushed by someone roasting my story to shreds to dare put it up here for scrutiny.

You are a brave one, to do so.
 

ShrimpShady

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 2, 2019
Messages
176
Points
103
I am way too afraid to get crushed by someone roasting my story to shreds to dare put it up here for scrutiny.

You are a brave one, to do so.
No matter what's said about my story, I'll still be my harshest critic at the end of the day.
 

GodsChosenEmperor

New member
Joined
Jan 7, 2025
Messages
5
Points
3
Honestly, I can see why this story has zero engagement. It’s dead on arrival. Like, it’s not even a “rough draft” situation—it’s the 0.5th draft you tossed online at 3 a.m. because even your teacher would cringe too hard to look at it. Let’s call it what it is: cringe. Every element here is radiating beginner energy so hard, it’s like a flashing neon sign that says, “I have no idea what I’m doing, but hey, maybe someone will stumble upon it and pat me on the back.” Spoiler alert: they won’t.

First off, the synopsis? You didn’t even bother capitalizing your protagonist’s name, lucas morningstar. That alone screams, “I couldn’t be bothered to proofread.” And then the synopsis itself? It’s vague, overinflated with generic fantasy buzzwords like “chosen one,” and absolutely fails to give the reader any reason to care. You really thought “Radiant Morning” was a gripping title? Cringe alert: It sounds like a rejected title for an 80s paperback about knights with mullets. No one’s clicking on that unless they’re accidentally searching for a discontinued line of breakfast cereals.

The lack of decent tags and clarity in your synopsis is a glaring red flag. It’s like you’re actively trying to not attract readers. It feels undercooked, like you had an idea in your head, but you slapped it together without asking yourself what would make anyone give a damn. Experimenting for your own enjoyment? Sure, that’s fine. But if this is your "serious" attempt at storytelling, my advice is simple: find someone who knows how to write in English and beg them to teach you.

And the actual content? It reads like a foreign exchange student and a 14-year-old edgelord co-wrote it after watching too much shounen anime. Purple prose, cringe dialogue, overwritten action scenes—it's all there. The worst part is that it’s not even entertainingly bad. It’s the kind of bad that makes you tired because every mistake here has been made by 1,000 first-time authors before you. You’re not breaking new ground; you’re just reinforcing why most of the people (regretfully not me) have no patience for beginner webnovels.

I don’t even need to roast you hard. Your story is already roasting itself. Every misstep, every clunky sentence, every self-indulgent paragraph filled with “bubbling seas of disgust” does all the work for me. My honestly poor advice? Stop publishing drafts that even Wattpad would hesitate to feature, learn the basics of storytelling, and for the love of all things holy, learn how to write with restraint. Until then, Radiant Morning is destined to stay in the dimmest, dustiest corner of the SH.
Forgiveness my friend
 

Tempokai

Overworked One
Joined
Nov 16, 2021
Messages
1,026
Points
153
I only fear one thing and that is confessing to someone.

Do your worst~
I'm sorry, but your "performance" on the forum and this webnovel screams "I'm a teenager with (manufactured) issues, and I'm so edgy!", while thinking that fan Undertale AUs and whatever are the pinnacle of storytelling, therefore I will not roast it. The synopsis speaks for itself, and it says "don't read me, please," and I oblige. Life is too short to waste on self absorbed writers who don't write for an audience, and I don't think you will learn from me anything whatsoever. You're looking for validation, with "I only fear one thing and that is confessing to someone. Do your worst~" sentences, and I can't reasonably give it to you. I don't have emotional immaturity and logical inconsistency to do it.
 

Pumah

New member
Joined
Jan 15, 2025
Messages
9
Points
3
Are you one of those brave souls who believe your manuscript is teetering on perfection but still wake up at 3 a.m. knowing deep down it’s a disaster? Good. You’re my favorite kind of writer. I’m here to roast your work—scorch it until the ashes look usable. Think of me as the Gordon Ramsay of prose, minus the condescension and fake praise. If your story’s dialogue sounds like two malfunctioning robots reciting a phrasebook, or your pacing moves like a snail overdosed on melatonin, I’ll say so. And you’ll thank me. (Eventually.)

I won’t pat your ego or whisper empty affirmations about how your “raw passion” is shining through. I’ll wield my critiques like a rusty spork and perform open-heart surgery on your prose—messy, necessary, and unforgettable. Don’t worry; you’ll survive. Growth always hurts. But so does realizing your novel reads like someone fell asleep on a keyboard.

If you think your manuscript is ready for tough love, I’ll give it to you straight—no sugar, no spoon. You’ll cry, sure, but you’ll also crawl out of the wreckage stronger. Because what doesn’t kill your manuscript will absolutely make it publishable.

Think you can handle it? Drop your link below. Let’s fix your words before they become tomorrow’s filler on this website.
Can you roast mine, please? https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1392988/the-dragons-strongest-gift/
 

Hoshino

Solitary-loneliness
Joined
Dec 23, 2024
Messages
397
Points
93
I'm sorry, but your "performance" on the forum and this webnovel screams "I'm a teenager with (manufactured) issues, and I'm so edgy!", while thinking that fan Undertale AUs and whatever are the pinnacle of storytelling, therefore I will not roast it. The synopsis speaks for itself, and it says "don't read me, please," and I oblige. Life is too short to waste on self absorbed writers who don't write for an audience, and I don't think you will learn from me anything whatsoever. You're looking for validation, with "I only fear one thing and that is confessing to someone. Do your worst~" sentences, and I can't reasonably give it to you. I don't have emotional immaturity and logical inconsistency to do
Huh? So your basically saying that my novel is too good to be roasted... interesting...
 

JayMark80

It's Not Easy Being Nobody, But Somebody Has To.
Joined
Jul 31, 2024
Messages
488
Points
93
Huh? So your basically saying that my novel is too good to be roasted... interesting...
2v7kfx.jpg


No, you've been rejected, from even having the privilege of being rejected.
 

Tempokai

Overworked One
Joined
Nov 16, 2021
Messages
1,026
Points
153
The feedback thread for this story has seemingly been lost to the void, with no actual feedback, so I guess this is where it goes.

Dead Flag Blues (Oneshot) | Scribble Hub
Wow, you wrote a oneshot—congratulations on surviving the trenches of storytelling. But this one’s is forgettable, I guarantee that. Zombie stories are still kicking, but only when they lurch into bold, mold-breaking territory. Too bad that "mold-breaking territory" had expanded so much that originality isn't there anymore. Yours sticks to the basic of the basics: the shuffling undead, the emotional sibling arc, and, of course, the rain sobbing in the corner like it’s auditioning for another melodramatic novel about zombies.

Rhetoric-wise, the framework I use for storytelling, it’s DOA. Ethos? Purple prose drowns it. Every sentence begs me with “Look how deep I am,” while I'm drowning in metaphors thicker than the apocalypse fog. Sometimes, less is more—trust that rain can just be wet. You could've used those words for something else and have more tight story. Pathos? You aimed for heartbreak, but clunky execution stole the punch. Hal’s arc was predictable, the gang was a collection of zombie-apocalypse bingo cards, and the emotional beats felt rehearsed, not raw. Nothing new and nothing worth to be remembered. Logos? Same old survival script, played straight without a twist to make it memorable.

The only suggestions I could give is stop clinging to “show don’t tell” like it’s gospel. Practice SHOW AND TELL. Sometimes you need to guide your readers, not let them stumble in the generic zombie apocalypse #3231004. Experimentation is good, but remember you have an audience—they’ve seen this movie before and probably written a bad rep about it. Challenge their expectations, or at least give them a reason to care beyond “another apocalypse, another sob story, another implied mutant.”

For a competition? Sure, it’s a solid effort. But next time, ditch the safety net, tone down the melodrama, and let your characters, not your adjectives, do the heavy lifting. You’ve got potential—but that potential is not good enough for masterful writing in a tropefied landscape.
 

Daydreamers

ⴼⵓⴰⴷ ⵃⴰⵊⴰⵣⵉ
Joined
Dec 23, 2024
Messages
171
Points
93
I don't want to bother you again , but i really could use your help with this one , the genre is not popular so i think i might never get an interaction or a roast through the natural order of the universe. thus please do your worst, you can skip me ofc you already gave me one feedback to a story I deleted for good out of embarrassement, and I'm grateful
 

ShrimpShady

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 2, 2019
Messages
176
Points
103
Wow, you wrote a oneshot—congratulations on surviving the trenches of storytelling. But this one’s is forgettable, I guarantee that. Zombie stories are still kicking, but only when they lurch into bold, mold-breaking territory. Too bad that "mold-breaking territory" had expanded so much that originality isn't there anymore. Yours sticks to the basic of the basics: the shuffling undead, the emotional sibling arc, and, of course, the rain sobbing in the corner like it’s auditioning for another melodramatic novel about zombies.

Rhetoric-wise, the framework I use for storytelling, it’s DOA. Ethos? Purple prose drowns it. Every sentence begs me with “Look how deep I am,” while I'm drowning in metaphors thicker than the apocalypse fog. Sometimes, less is more—trust that rain can just be wet. You could've used those words for something else and have more tight story. Pathos? You aimed for heartbreak, but clunky execution stole the punch. Hal’s arc was predictable, the gang was a collection of zombie-apocalypse bingo cards, and the emotional beats felt rehearsed, not raw. Nothing new and nothing worth to be remembered. Logos? Same old survival script, played straight without a twist to make it memorable.

The only suggestions I could give is stop clinging to “show don’t tell” like it’s gospel. Practice SHOW AND TELL. Sometimes you need to guide your readers, not let them stumble in the generic zombie apocalypse #3231004. Experimentation is good, but remember you have an audience—they’ve seen this movie before and probably written a bad rep about it. Challenge their expectations, or at least give them a reason to care beyond “another apocalypse, another sob story, another implied mutant.”

For a competition? Sure, it’s a solid effort. But next time, ditch the safety net, tone down the melodrama, and let your characters, not your adjectives, do the heavy lifting. You’ve got potential—but that potential is not good enough for masterful writing in a tropefied landscape.
Thanks for the roast. Or rather, the parboil. I thought I would be in for much much worse.

Definitely going to keep a lot of that in mind. Dead Flag Blues was, in fact, the first ever piece of short fiction I had ever finished. Before deciding to publish it here over 3 years later, I definitely noticed areas for improvement, but I felt like publishing the story as is with very minimal additional edits.

My main issue back then was that because it was my first attempt at this whole competition thing, I thought to go for wide appeal, which to me at the time meant writing something safe. That thought process resulted in a zombie story which, even at the time, I thought was pretty boilerplate.

I think I also saw the tight word limit for submissions as a need to go all in on 1 aspect of the story. I decided that would be atmosphere/vibe. In reality, it would do the story a lot better to allocate more of that verbiage to the characters, like you've said.
 

DonutDreamscape

New member
Joined
Jan 19, 2025
Messages
2
Points
3
Wrote my first two chapters, ever. Some critique would be nice before I dump more time into this, but I'm probably going to do that anyways, so I might as well get some feebvback, if you are willing :)

 
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Dieter

the Writer
Joined
Mar 15, 2021
Messages
324
Points
133
Are you one of those brave souls who believe your manuscript is teetering on perfection but still wake up at 3 a.m. knowing deep down it’s a disaster? Good. You’re my favorite kind of writer. I’m here to roast your work—scorch it until the ashes look usable. Think of me as the Gordon Ramsay of prose, minus the condescension and fake praise. If your story’s dialogue sounds like two malfunctioning robots reciting a phrasebook, or your pacing moves like a snail overdosed on melatonin, I’ll say so. And you’ll thank me. (Eventually.)

I won’t pat your ego or whisper empty affirmations about how your “raw passion” is shining through. I’ll wield my critiques like a rusty spork and perform open-heart surgery on your prose—messy, necessary, and unforgettable. Don’t worry; you’ll survive. Growth always hurts. But so does realizing your novel reads like someone fell asleep on a keyboard.

If you think your manuscript is ready for tough love, I’ll give it to you straight—no sugar, no spoon. You’ll cry, sure, but you’ll also crawl out of the wreckage stronger. Because what doesn’t kill your manuscript will absolutely make it publishable.

Think you can handle it? Drop your link below. Let’s fix your words before they become tomorrow’s filler on this website.
 

JayMark80

It's Not Easy Being Nobody, But Somebody Has To.
Joined
Jul 31, 2024
Messages
488
Points
93
You didn't write that. Disqualified.
 
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