Why I don't really talk to my parents

Blackout

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Mar 28, 2020
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So I promised my parents that I'll be helping around the house a few days ago. Just now, my mum wanted me to help, but I grumbled that I can't since I was busy with my college project. Granted, I could have said it politely, but I was so frustrated with the amount of work I had to do my manners disappeared. After I came back from my daily routine of jogging, my father yelled at me for not helping and said that if I'm not going to keep my word, I can just leave. I tried to argue that I was busy, but of course he's having none of it. He brought up the same old 'Did you have time for video games? Did you have time to go for a jog?' and just shut down my entire argument.

And parents wonder why their kids don't talk to them
 
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I'm just going out and say it that with the information given, you both made mistakes.

Your mistake: Making a promise you can't keep. If you were asked for help just a few days ago, you should have been aware of the possibility that you will be occupied (and thus given information that you want to but might not be able to). If you weren't, whoever you made the promise to should be informed as soon as possible. Just because the person you made the promise to is a parent, doesn't mean that you can get lax with common decency.

Your father's mistake: Letting his emotions take control of his response. Yes, he has the right to be disapointed that you didn't keep your promise. However, he also lacked understanding. People make mistakes - you could have simply forgot to tell them you will be unable to help. I don't know how important your help was for whatever it was you were supposed to help with. But if it was a crucial one, then yes, he indeed has the right to be angry. Him lashing out on your behaviour for going out on a jog for instance, is an example for his lack of understanding. Jogging is best considered as a way of reducing stress. And everyone needs breaks and time to reduce stress from time to time, in order to cope with daily lives.

Remember, parents are people too. Humans with faults, and sometimes don't have the ability to express themselves well. But a parent's task is not to get along with you, or talk to you - that is simpy their wish. A parent's duty is to raise their child right, which I think he's trying to do, as you broke a promise. He simply doesn't know how to get the message across, or doesn't realize himself what he is trying to get across to you - resulting in a frustrated outburst.

Of course, this makes it sound like I'm favouring your father's point of view. That is not the case, I'm simply analyzing the situation with limited information.
 

Agentt

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I'm just going out and say it that with the information given, you both made mistakes.

Your mistake: Making a promise you can't keep. If you were asked for help just a few days ago, you should have been aware of the possibility that you will be occupied (and thus given information that you want to but might not be able to). If you weren't, whoever you made the promise to should be informed as soon as possible. Just because the person you made the promise to is a parent, doesn't mean that you can get lax with common decency.

Your father's mistake: Letting his emotions take control of his response. Yes, he has the right to be disapointed that you didn't keep your promise. However, he also lacked understanding. People make mistakes - you could have simply forgot to tell them you will be unable to help. I don't know how important your help was for whatever it was you were supposed to help with. But if it was a crucial one, then yes, he indeed has the right to be angry. Him lashing out on your behaviour for going out on a jog for instance, is an example for his lack of understanding. Jogging is best considered as a way of reducing stress. And everyone needs breaks and time to reduce stress from time to time, in order to cope with daily lives.

Remember, parents are people too. Humans with faults, and sometimes don't have the ability to express themselves well. But a parent's task is not to get along with you, or talk to you - that is simpy their wish. A parent's duty is to raise their child right, which I think he's trying to do, as you broke a promise. He simply doesn't know how to get the message across, or doesn't realize himself what he is trying to get across to you - resulting in a frustrated outburst.

Of course, this makes it sound like I'm favouring your father's point of view. That is not the case, I'm simply analyzing the situation with limited information.
Even though I agree with the situation, I have to say its the parent's fault.
Firstly, they are adults. They should know better than to just let their emotions take control. Yeah, I know they are humans too, and probably also had a rough day, but that doesn't mean the child should show leniency and burrow his emotions,
Also, while this man here is having a disscussion about this, his parents won't, hence keeping them as narrow minded as ever.
 
Joined
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Messages
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Even though I agree with the situation, I have to say its the parent's fault.
Firstly, they are adults. They should know better than to just let their emotions take control. Yeah, I know they are humans too, and probably also had a rough day, but that doesn't mean the child should show leniency and burrow his emotions,
Also, while this man here is having a disscussion about this, his parents won't, hence keeping them as narrow minded as ever.
I'm not saying that he is supposed to simply accept the situation. I'm giving him the understanding needed to make his stand.
Standing up to your parents is a part of growing up. In fact, the day your parents see you defy their wishes with good reason, they will feel conflicted. Proud that you are showing signs of becoming an adult. Sad that you aren't the little toddler you've always been.
So yes, this man is having a discussion about his parents, and his parents might currently be narrowminded. But it's up to himself, if it remains that way. But you can't make your case, if the argument you stand on is flawed. For instance. What would I do then?

I'd go up to the father and apologize that I made a promise I couldn't keep, and try better in the future. And follow up with that I'd appreciate it if he could take a moment the next time I make a mistake, and actually think about what the problem with my actions was, instead of going on a rant about things that are vaguely related.

The day you make your stand and establish how you and your parents can coexist, is the day you take your first step out from under their wing. But to win, you need to know your enemy. Heh.
 

Blackout

Member
Joined
Mar 28, 2020
Messages
58
Points
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I'm just going out and say it that with the information given, you both made mistakes.

Your mistake: Making a promise you can't keep. If you were asked for help just a few days ago, you should have been aware of the possibility that you will be occupied (and thus given information that you want to but might not be able to). If you weren't, whoever you made the promise to should be informed as soon as possible. Just because the person you made the promise to is a parent, doesn't mean that you can get lax with common decency.

Your father's mistake: Letting his emotions take control of his response. Yes, he has the right to be disapointed that you didn't keep your promise. However, he also lacked understanding. People make mistakes - you could have simply forgot to tell them you will be unable to help. I don't know how important your help was for whatever it was you were supposed to help with. But if it was a crucial one, then yes, he indeed has the right to be angry. Him lashing out on your behaviour for going out on a jog for instance, is an example for his lack of understanding. Jogging is best considered as a way of reducing stress. And everyone needs breaks and time to reduce stress from time to time, in order to cope with daily lives.

Remember, parents are people too. Humans with faults, and sometimes don't have the ability to express themselves well. But a parent's task is not to get along with you, or talk to you - that is simpy their wish. A parent's duty is to raise their child right, which I think he's trying to do, as you broke a promise. He simply doesn't know how to get the message across, or doesn't realize himself what he is trying to get across to you - resulting in a frustrated outburst.

Of course, this makes it sound like I'm favouring your father's point of view. That is not the case, I'm simply analyzing the situation with limited information.
Nah, it's fine even if you were favouring him. I just wanted to rant for a bit. Thanks for your advise
 

RavineAbyss

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Oct 11, 2020
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So I promised my parents that I'll be helping around the house a few days ago. Just now, my mum wanted me to help, but I grumbled that I can't since I was busy with my college project. Granted, I could have said it politely, but I was so frustrated with the amount of work I had to do my manners disappeared. After I came back from my daily routine of jogging, my father yelled at me for not helping and said that if I'm not going to keep my word, I can just leave. I tried to argue that I was busy, but of course he's having none of it. He brought up the same old 'Did you have time for video games? Did you have time to go for a jog?' and just shut down my entire argument.

And parents wonder why their kids don't talk to them
Meanwhile, my parents force me to go jogging. All I wanted was some sleep in my cozy bed🥺
 

LinXueLian

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Ahaha, my dad likes to shout and argue to win, so I understand! :blob_happy: But sooooooometimes he does say things that makes sense, even if it's loud and hurtful. It's very difficult, but maybe it's not a bad idea to put aside the tone after calming down to see where our angry dragon dads are coming from.

Perhaps your dad felt it's his responsibility to make sure you're a person who can keep your promises? It's something my dad instilled in me too. I never break promises, and I never make promises I'm not sure I can keep. Parents get very scared when we can't keep promises. This and lying are horrible habits to have. It's likely why they're extremely violent and strict over these two things.

Out of curiosity, was it possible for you to have swapped out your jogging time to help out? I know you can't do anything about it now, but next time maybe you can say, "Sorry!! Super busy with this assignment. I'll help you at X am/pm instead of jogging." It might help! :blob_okay:

I'm in college too and time management is important to learn. It gets tougher each semester, but if we can't manage our time and keep our promises, we'll get into trouble in the workplace in the future. People will look down on us for being incompetent, especially during our industrial training internship.

I used to fight with my dad all the time - we're both like dragons fighting over dominance in a household (I'm exactly like him, except handsomer). But I've since learned five words that helped make peace - "thank you" and "I am sorry."

Saying "sorry" truly hurt my teeth to the core. I hated that word with the passion of seven suns. But I said it anyway. My dad was so shocked, he just ignored me. Looked away and pretended not to hear it LOL but I could see his eyes were red

For some reason, nowadays my dad says, "thank you" when he sees me helping out, such as washing and wiping.

If we make the changes first, they might feel guilty and start changing their tone too. I've stopped bending fire and nowadays I bend water instead. My dad's a fire dragon, and I've found his weakness. It works on my uncle and aunt too, by the way. They're very fiery personalities. I've also bought over my youngest brother that way. He's super annoying, but I gritted my teeth and smiled.

Lately, they've started buying me cakes and sweets for no reason. :blob_melt: I feel that most people who are aggressive or rude usually feel bad after a while. It's not hard to grab hold of it, disarm them and then put a word forward. Watch your opponents first. Sun Tzu isn't wrong.
 

ToastedStarfish_SweetFilledHoney

Creatively Procrastinating
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I'm in college too and time management is important to learn. It gets tougher each semester, but if we can't manage our time and keep our promises, we'll get into trouble in the workplace in the future. People will look down on us for being incompetent, especially during our industrial training internship.
Yeah. Something I still haven't quite managed to nail down. But its essential. In college, and in life after hs, expect only yourself to help you learn. Not even the teachers. I dislike one of my current class's professor - who just announced bout week or so ago that they were on vacay and forgot to grade and respond to emails for last several weeks. Sorry for my rant and saltiness. Only you can help yourself to learn. Whether its to motivate yourself to close off distractions and stop procrastination. That is really the main core in college - not the subject itself but learning how to learn things.
I used to fight with my dad all the time - we're both like dragons fighting over dominance in a household (I'm exactly like him, except handsomer).
Lol, is that pettiness?
If we make the changes first, they might feel guilty and start changing their tone too. I've stopped bending fire and nowadays I bend water instead. My dad's a fire dragon, and I've found his weakness. It works on my uncle and aunt too, by the way. They're very fiery personalities. I've also bought over my youngest brother that way. He's super annoying, but I gritted my teeth and smiled.
I can see that. Sometimes when we really be stressed, and they see it, they kinda try not lay the lecture/pressure on too much. Parents are not 100% perfect and can have high expectations, but they are still parents when they see their kids breakdown.
Lately, they've started buying me cakes and sweets for no reason. :blob_melt: I feel that most people who are aggressive or rude usually feel bad after a while.
Yeah, I think we're all human at end of day. Sometimes we say things out of anger. After what we said, when we look back, we regret it.
 

LinXueLian

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Lol, is that pettiness?
No, I'm actually handsomer. I'm speaking the truth here.

But argh, I'm sorry about your professor. I also had one who didn't respond to messages. No guidance, nothing, you have to wade on your own. And then there's that one who's hitting on all the freshman girls.... yikes.

Gotta learn to manage around these people because they're gonna be there at our jobs as well.
 

ToastedStarfish_SweetFilledHoney

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No, I'm actually handsomer. I'm speaking the truth here.
Alright XD.
But argh, I'm sorry about your professor. I also had one who didn't respond to messages. No guidance, nothing, you have to wade on your own. And then there's that one who's hitting on all the freshman girls.... yikes.
Damn. Yikes. Fr.
Gotta learn to manage around these people because they're gonna be there at our jobs as well.
Valid point.
 
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