Would you be interested by this story ? (Warning : sexual content and girl love)

Vhail

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Jul 2, 2019
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Hi there,

I'm looking forsome feedback on the first chapter of a story I started to write no long ago. Here is the link :
First chapter

Please be aware that this is not the definitive edition of it since I might need some proof reading. Feel free to suggest website that I can use for correcting grammar and spelling.

I'm open to all comment unless it's free shittalk without argumentation.

I hope you guys enjoy it.
 
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Sabruness

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It's interesting and has potential. The whole slavery thing is possible, if played well, but i cant really judge it from one chapter.
The mystery about her sister is interesting and could allow for some eventual epic revenge.

tl;dr: i'd be interested from what i've seen. i couldnt give a full judgement on just one chapter
 

Vhail

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Jul 2, 2019
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It's interesting and has potential. The whole slavery thing is possible, if played well, but i cant really judge it from one chapter.
The mystery about her sister is interesting and could allow for some eventual epic revenge.

tl;dr: i'd be interested from what i've seen. i couldnt give a full judgement on just one chapter
Thanks for the reply, i'll make sure to update it when I will have write more of it. This was more a test for the style, how the story is set up and everything.
I write on my free time so i don't know when the next chap will be done. I wanted to introduce another character before writing more of the succubus story but i'm not sure if it's a smart move. It would be only one chapter tho.
 

X237

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I like the premise and has potential. I'm certainly looking forward to seeing whether or not you'll choose to continue the story.
 

Alexeander

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Hey Vhail, it's a good start and it got me interested. the premise is good, not to much detail but enough to let you imagine the surrounding.
 
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Vhail

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Hey Vhail, it's a good start and it got me interested. the premise is good, not to much detail but enough to let you imagine the surrounding.
Good to know. I'm not sure if you see it but there is also the second part of the prologue available
 

Vhail

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I'm working on it right know. Since the story will be short, I think I'll write everything before uploading it so it might take some time. And hopefully, there will be more plot. I have some ideas for that and the second part of the prologue that you can find here (link), introduce more foreshadowing. @TypeAxiom
 
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