Writing Prompt You are a teacher. One day, you are asked to explain the complicated relationship between vampires and high explosives.

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HURGMCGURG

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"Well, ya see, kiddos, vampires are all magic and shit. They have super strength, are super fast, have extreme regeneration, some of them can fly and some of them can transform. They have all kinds of magic, but they are weak as fuck to silver, crucifixes, and stakes to the heart. They can't even be outside without being set on fire by the sun. 'Oh no, a small vial of holy water! How could they have discovered my weakness?' For beings so powerful, they are ultimately the glass cannon of things that go bump in the night. They understand this. So, let's say that you're a vampire, with super strength and speed, but suddenly everyone else is wielding silver bullets. How the hell do you beat that? I mean, you're fast, but that's a fucking bullet. That's a bit faster than a silver tipped crossbow bolt. So, they realize they need to play a little catch up with modern technology. They start wearing bullet proof vests and suddenly the stakes and silver are pretty damn weak against them. They could wear heavy armor and move like normal. They became even more dangerous than ever before. They started wearing their heavy armor to bed, and then vampire hunter's can't do shit to them during the day when they pop open the coffins. So, the way that vampire hunter's like us deal with this is pretty simple. You set up the bundles of C4. You dump it in the coffin. You close the lid. You blow it up. You may die, but it's the best goddamn shot we've got against the blood drinkers now."
 
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ArcadiaBlade

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Vampires are like terrorist but with style. They really like to make blood festivals as to terrorist like to blow things up. The relationship with vampires and explosives comes from the story of the primal vampire named....lets just call him Johny...

Now, johny was an ordinary vampire who suck people's blood like any normal vampire. But he felt that just sucking people off(and i don't mean in the other way) wasn't good enough so he tried to experiment.

One day, he fell for a witch named....Joana. I suck at naming people okay?! Don't judge me.

Now, she really like to blow people off(not that as well) like making them into balloons and stuff since her recent experiments tend to bloat the people, causing the area to create a balloon full of people.

Yeah, imma making the setting into some medieval times since like they are common and sht. And thing up more details just hurts my head more so imma leave it at that.

They met due to Johny having problems with his recent sucking problems and asked Joana if she could help him make a potion to cure it.

Then, he became hungry due to some long trip he had to reach her place and had to snack on to the people who were bloating at her place.

Once he sank his teeth into one of the people, that person explode. Yep he suck off so hard that he blew up...goddammit with this sex jokes.

Anyway, johny discovered his new fetish, joana was burned after johny alarmed the townspeople of the explosions at her home and thats where vampires and the blood festival fetish came about.
 

Zero300

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"Now class, let me describe to you all how scientists have revolutionized explosives with one key ingredient - vampires. First, what is a vampire? According to the general populace, a vampire is a humanoid half-demon with a thirst for blood. However, to scientists and researchers, a vampire is a conglomeration of extremely volatile mass who are brought to life via magic but can only sustain its form with blood.

First, let’s give a summary of the weaknesses of a vampire. There are two distinctive ones that have been prevalent throughout the years. So, first off, when a vampire is affected by sunlight, its skin begins to blister and it combusts in a matter of seconds. Do you know the science behind this? No? That’s alright. Let me explain it then.

Because a vampire is ‘technically’ dead, its body decomposes with time. And the only way to prevent or slow down the decomposition process is with magic and blood. Anyways, as the body decomposes, it would undergo cellular respiration.

During cellular respiration, huge amounts of carbon dioxide is released into the atmosphere and around the vampire. As time goes by, the buildup of carbon dioxide is enormous.

So much so that when the carbon dioxide interacts with the sunlight, much of the sunlight is transformed into infrared radiation…or ‘heat energy’ for simpler terms. And as heat energy accumulates, the dried body of a vampire is perfect kindling for starting a fire. In addition, the hydrogen sulfide that decomposing bodies emit is perfect flammable fuel in keeping the fire going.

Next, we all know that vampires hate holy water. The mere touch of the holy water would cause the vampires to burn as if they had touched acid. But what you may not know is that the holy water is just regular water. The reason vampires feel as if they’re skin is on acid is basically because the skin IS on acid.

As I mentioned earlier, the vampire releases a flammable and poisonous gas called hydrogen sulfide. When this gas is mixed with water, it becomes an acid. Though considered a weak acid, it is strong enough to damage the skin of most vampires.

So, you may wonder why I am telling you about a vampire’s weakness when the subject of today’s lecture is “the complicated relationship between vampires and high explosives”. I’ll get to that in a second.

So, what can be considered as an high explosive? Something with a large explosion, right? Then…what is an explosion? Does anyone know? No? Alright, listen up. An explosion is a type of spontaneous chemical reaction that releases large amounts of heat and gas. The explosive itself contains a large amount of energy stored in chemical bonds…chemical bonds like carbon monoxide, carbon dioxide, and dinitrogen.

So, what do the new high explosives and vampires have in common? They both contain carbon dioxide…large quantities of them. With just a small trigger, the carbon dioxide breaks its chemical bonds and releases large amounts of energy and heat. Now, this would create an explosion. But, with the added bonus of hydrogen sulfide, the explosion would flame up – quite literally – and the intensity increase by multifold.

And that’s the relationship between high explosives and vampires. As for making them…well, that’s not within my jurisdiction to tell. Class dismissed!”
 

Llamadragon

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*TOC TOC TOC*

"Ahem.. is this thing on? Yes, thank you to principal Dimblideer for the warm welcome here at Swinemoles school for Hexes and Hexeries. I am delighted to see so many new faces! As prof. Dimblideer has explained, my name is prof. Incaendia and I teach the arts of self defense magic from the friendly neighborhood magic school for monsters. As you already know, I am a vampire. And I am here today, with some regret, to teach you fine young men and women of our promising future, why it's a terrible idea to try and murder people with wooden stakes."

The woman who stood at the podium smiled her most charming smile, exposing her long white fangs, making many in the crowd of school teens slightly nervous.

"Unfortunately, while I'm sure you are all quite sensible, civilized children and need not be taught such basic common sense, as they say, an ounce of prevention is worth more than a ton of reparations. And, sadly, many human, anti-vampire vigilante groups who buy into unreliable folklore from the MIDDLE FREAKING AGES... *ahem*.. excuse me... does end up suffering from the consequences of their actions. In this guest lecture, I shall teach you exactly why many of the people who attempt murder on vampires die gruesomely by explosion. So that, if you ever find yourself in a situation where you choose to commit murder, you can at the very least have the information to do so in a scientific and civilized way, and not become a burden on the budget of public healthcare. Or force some poor janitor to pick up pieces of your bones and soft tissue from the curb. They're not paid enough for that sort of thing... But, yes, vampires and high explosives. Please take a look at this."

Professor Incaendia clicked a small remote controller in her hand and the whitescreen lit up with an image of a humanoids internal organs.

"This is an x-ray scan of a vampires internal organs. As you can see, there's a lot of basic similarities with humans, you have the lungs and the heart. But we also have these glands, these things that look like a second and third pair of lungs. These are the thoracea, and we have them in common with birds, and they are part of what allows flight. However, birds are quite fragile creatures, relying on the lightness of their hollow bones to overcome gravity. Us vampires rely on our internal supplies of propane. It's the same gas you'll see burned by hot air balloons. We produce it naturally, as being denizens native to Hell, we're quite immune to fire. And sunlight, I might add, it ain't hotter than the Infernal Flames, just so we have that ridiculous myth out of the way. The first time a vampire burned in the sun was in a vampire movie that ran out of funds for anything flashier.
You humans, on the other hand, are NOT immune to fire. Or propane-fuelled explosions. You'd think that'd be obvious, but every year there are at least a couple of suckers who die from their own ignorance... so, how does stabbing a vampire with a stake - in addition to being incredibly rude and ignorant - deliver the perpetrator a hot bag of instant karma?"

Proffessor Incaendia clicked her little remote controller again. This time it showed vampire bones, strangely silvery in color.

"This silvery sheen, my dear young friends, is lithium. Although it's pretty strong, it's also the lightest metal known to mankind, and... quite flammable. Us vampires are safe from the flammable effects - the oils in our body douse fire immediately. However, sparks may occur. Especially when some dumb fucker decides to ram a wooden stake into said spark-inducing metal, that just so happens to hold several organs filled with propane. Now, sensitive viewers, please be warned here and look away if you don't wish to see the following footage. It was taken by a security camera, of a human vigilante who tried to kill a vamp through these... unscientific methods. It's quite gory, so please be warned. Everybody who wants to look away, please do so now. Okay? Good."

Incaendia clicked the play button and a video that a few kids might know from the trending lists on Youtube began to play. It showed two people, slightly blurred, one of whom raised a sharp-looking object and brought it down upon the other and...
... there was an explosion, like a fiery bullet that shot out of the victim and hit the stabber with a powerful force, igniting everything in a three meter radius, and presumably ending the stabbers life. The victim, seemingly panicking, grew a pair of wings and flew away.

"... that, my dear friends, is why you should at least do scientific murder if you must murder at all. As you can tell, actually stabbing through one of the thoraic sacs doesn't completely nullify a vampires ability to fly, as nature saw fit to equip us with three of these as a last defense against suicidal morons. And, by the way, these foolish attempts to kill vampires hurts our race as much as actually successful murders our kind would, it might only damage our hope for humanity but it's truly stupid enough to hurt. Please educate all your friends. Thank you for listening to this talk, and TRY not to win the Darwin award."
 
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